Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, October 12, 2016.    

Thought Provoking Statements…… 

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. 

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. 

10. Bad decisions make good stories. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” –Mark Twain 

“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” –Salvador Dali 

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.” –Mary Pickford  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day’s competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn’t take any more and kicked them out. 

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests….instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, “I’m sorry, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”   

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “What you’re telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short, dead dude?”    

ANSWER: Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure! The history teacher, Mr. Ryan (Bernie Casey) said this when discussing Napoleon in history class.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel. You lousy cork-suckers. You have violated my fargin’ rights. This suminobatchin’ country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens – like me – could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin’ iceholes, like yourselves. Thank you.” 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What classic western phrase is represented by this?
 
TtHhIeSbToOtWhNof us 
 

ANSWER: This town ain’t big enough for the both of us. The words “The both of us” do not entirely fit into the words “This town.” “This Town” isn’t large enough for “The both of us.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

In this teaser you are required to find a word relating to mathematics hiding in consecutive letters within each sentence. Have fun!
 
Example:
 
“They knew that they had done the wrong thing.”
 
Answer: ADD located in: “…hAD Done…”
 
 
1. The governor gave the budget a cut everywhere possible.
 
2. It is rumoured that Capri men often marry Naples women.
 
3. He drove his new Mustang entirely too recklessly.
 
4. Groucho and Harpo were two of the Marx brothers.
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMISTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, September 21, 2016.  

Things in Life I Learned from a Jigsaw Puzzle….

1. Don’t force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally. 

2. When things aren’t going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return. 

3. Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration. 

4. Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece. 

5. When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4). 

6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook. 

7. Variety is the spice of life. It’s the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting. 

8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun. 

9. Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order. 

10. Don’t be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising. 

11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones). 

12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can’t be rushed. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“Money can’t buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy. –Spike Milligan 

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” –Eric Hoffer 

“Laughter is an instant vacation.” –Milton Berle   

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The other day I was eating in an Italian restaurant when I accidentally spilled some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white sweater.

I wasn’t too distressed, though, because Mr. Wong down on High Street has been doing my laundry for years, and I knew that he could remove just about any stain and get it out like it’d never been there.

So I took the sweater down to Wong’s Laundry and dropped it off; Mr. Wong said he’d probably be able to have it cleaned by Thursday. So on Thursday afternoon after work I stopped by Wong’s again.

Mr. Wong looked quite distressed when he saw me. He brought out the sweater and, apologizing profusely, explained that somehow this stain was beyond even his power to expunge.

And sure enough, though fainter than before, there was still a distinct red stain on the sweater. In an attempt to make up for his failure, Mr. Wong offered to send the sweater to his brother across town, who had been in the laundry business for an even longer time, and who might have a clue as to the method of removal of this extraordinarily persistent stain.

The elder Wong brother would rush it through at no extra charge, and should have it looking as white and clean as new by Friday. So on Friday I went back to Wong’s to pick up my sweater, but when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully informed me that his brother, too, had failed to remove the red blotch. “No charge,” said Wong, “but you must take sweater elsewhere to clean.

The Moral: … Two Wongs cannot make a white.” Emoji  

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  Man: “You know, blackjack is the only game where a good player has a mathematical advantage over the house.” Woman: “Really? Are you a professional?”  Man: “No. Are you?”  

ANSWER: Vegas Vacation! Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) said this to a pretty woman at the blackjack table, in a failed attempt to impress her. As predictable, the woman got very insulted and walked away. The blackjack dealer (Wallace Shawn) gave Clark a mean look and proceeded to drain him of 300 dollars in fifteen minutes. To put it mildly, Clark did not have a winning time in Vegas. Mr. Poppagiorgio did, however.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I’ll tell you what. We’ll tell Fred that you were doing a great job taking care of his car. But you parked it out back last night, and in the morning it was gone. We report it to the police, D-Day takes care of the wreck, and your brother’s insurance company buys him a new car.”

 

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Diophantus was a Greek mathematician who lived in the third century. He was one of the first mathematicians to use algebraic symbols.

Most of what is known about Diophantus’s life comes from an algebraic riddle from around the early sixth century. The riddle states:

Diophantus’s youth lasted one sixth of his life. He grew a beard after one twelfth more. After one seventh more of his life, he married. 5 years later, he and his wife had a son. The son lived exactly one half as long as his father, and Diophantus died four years after his son. 

How many years did Diophantus live?  

ANSWER:  The riddle, the “facts” of which may or may not be true, results in the following equation:

x/6 + x/12 + x/7 + 5 + x/2 + 4 = x

where x is Diophantus’s age at the time of his death.

Therefore, Diophantus lived exactly 84 years.

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

The following ten words can be divided into two groups of five words. The words within each group will share a common characteristic. What are the two groups? Which words belong in those groups?

dam late lice linger per son stern tent under use

 
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, September 14, 2016.  

More Punography….

When chemists die, technicians barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

How does Moses like his tea. Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me …

I am reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

Why did Indians get to America first. They had reservations.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. –Abraham Lincoln 

“Instant gratification takes too long.” –Carrie Fisher 

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” –George Burns    

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time.

One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. 

‘I’m foreman of the local sawmill,’ he explained. ‘Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time.’

The operator giggled, ‘That’s really funny,’ she said. ‘All this time we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.’Emoji

Confucius Say: Man with one watch always know what time it is – Man with two watches never sure.’  Emoji 

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Hey, wait a minute, man. Every time I do coke, you get on that ‘every-time-I-do-coke’ rap, man.” 

ANSWER: Cheech and Chong’s Nice Dreams! Chong said this after Cheech accused him of doing stupid things whenever he was under the influence of the ‘nose candy’. Chong took a check for 17 million dollars from Howie the Hamburger Dude (Paul Reubens) in exchange for their hard-earned cash. Howie was actually a resident of the Casa del Whackos, where he lived with such colorful characters as the Chicken Man and the Superman Nut.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You have disgraced yourself and you must be punished. Confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria. And see that he puts on some decent attire. And I want you to bathe him thoroughly.”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you determine the nursery rhyme being stated below?

Once upon a time there was this ovum consisting of an envelope of albumen, jelly and membranes which decided to moor its entirety on a parapet. Then rather suddenly, and without notice, the ovular succumbed to the Brobdingnagian gravitational pull. The result was that the entire embodiment of the paramount’s yeomanry and herbivores were unequal to the task of assemblage. 

ANSWER:  HUMPTY DUMPTY! Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; All the king’s horses and all the King’s men Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

What common, English word has the letters “WSP”, in that order, without any letters between?

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.comwww.stlzoo.org

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, September 7, 2016.   

TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED… 

1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!”

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it’s like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add “Exotic Dancer” to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

 “A friend is a gift you give yourself.” –Robert Louis Stevenson

“We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.”–Sir Winston Churchill

“Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.” –Jeanne Moreau 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis balls, play with other doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss. He was a dog without a care. But on that fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different. Trouser’s owners were walking him along a trail at the park, when suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man all dressed in black. He had white paint on his face, and was gesturing annoyingly at Trouser’s masters. This strange person spoke not a word, but proceeded to pretend that he was trapped in a box and that he was pulling on a long rope. Seeing the sheer horror on his masters’ faces, Trouser took it upon himself to rectify the situation. With a low growl he jumped and sank his teeth into this annoying pseudo clown’s leg. Trouser immediately got a sickened look in his eyes and began to vomit wildly. He then dragged his tongue all over the ground in an effort to remove the man’s foul essence from his mouth. For Trouser had learned that …. a mime is a terrible thing to taste.Emoji 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Next to lunch and dinner, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

ANSWER:  Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment! This was said by Officer Vinnie Schtulman (Peter Van Norden) when Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg) went to meet his new partner for the first time. Schtulman was eating a bowl of cereal in which his cat, Bunky, had just done his business. “Bunky!? Bunky!? How many times do I have to tell you? The litter box.” He offered some cereal to Mahoney, and Mahoney just shook his head in fear. Schtulman later ate a Nestle’s Crunch bar he found on the ground; at least he brushed off most of the ants first. Mmmm, Nestle’s Crunch.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “This is the year that Finklestein beats ‘The Stomach’!”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

This is a quote by a very famous person. Can you decipher it? I won’t include capitals in the cipher. 

“oltsitemsienevfruodngania.” 

-ebjnmanirfnalkni 

ANSWER:  To decipher: put a space after every 2 letters. Except for the last three letters. Leave them be: olts – ol ts. nia – nia. Then, switch the two (or three) letters around: ol ts – lo st. Nia – ain. Repeat for the next letters: lo st ti me is ne ve rf ou nd ag ain. Put them together, minus spaces: losttimeisneverfoundagain. Then, look at the title: 4, 4, 2, 5, 5, 5, 8, 8… they represent letters before a space: lost time is never found again. Use this rule (this time, all letters are the same) for the last part. 

It now should read: 

Lost time is never found again. 

-Benjamin Franklin. 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you unscramble the movies in Part 1 and match them with who the star was in Part 2? And your answer is?

Part 1

1. IILLONM LLOARD BBYA

2. A AUITEBUFL NMDI

3. AAIRCNEM YBTUEA

4. RRFTSOE MGPU

5. NRIA NMA

6. ETH NSITG

7. IIMDGNTH OOCYBW 

Part 2

1. Dustin Hoffman.

2. Jon Voight.

3. Kevin Spacey.

4. Clint Eastwood.

5. Paul Newman.

6. Tom Hanks.

7. Russell Crowe.

 
 
                      
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 31, 2016.    

LIFE PONDERING…….

Why aren’t marbles made of marble? 

What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect? 

What is a picture of a thousand words really worth? 

What do you use to clean a soap stain? 

How do you throw out a recycling bin?

What was Captain Hook’s name before he got the hook? 

Why can’t you put garbage in a garbage disposal? 

Why does Bugs Bunny walk around naked, but put on a bathing suit when he goes swimming? 

Why do some dangerous products say, “If swallowed, do not induce vomiting”? Wait, what? We’re just supposed keep it inside?

Is it possible to plan ahead in order to be spontaneous? 

Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks? 

What did they call antiques back in the old days? 

If you have a bad memory, does that mean you also have a clear conscience?

What would you get if you mated a Bulldog with a Shih Tzu? (think about it) Emoji

Why does night fall while day breaks? 

If someone at the Better Business Bureau cheats you, where do you file a complaint? 

Why doesn’t the glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 

Is it possible to be un-thirsty?

How come no one eats the last bite of food on the appetizer plate? 

Why do manufacturer’s plastic bags state, “Warning: this is not a toy”? Do they think we’re going to make balloon animals out of them? 

Why does the phone and/or doorbell ring the moment you sit down in front of the television with a plate full of food?

Why do most customer service messages state, “This call may be recorded for quality purposes” but the quality never improves? 

How can you prove there are actually two scoops of raisins in Raisin Brand Cereal? 

Why do they call it a hot water heater? If the water was already hot, it wouldn’t need a heater. 

Why are oriental rug stores always having “going out of business” sales, but they never seem to close?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit” — George Carlin

“Hobbies cost money but interests are free” — George Carlin

“I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed” — George Carlin

“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown

“Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer” — Ogden Nash

“Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery” — Beverly Johnson

“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle

“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list — Milton Berle 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale’s Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies, 

“Well, sonny, I can’t remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger.”

The owner replies, “Well, let’s see… Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?”

The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, “I want this color sonny.”

To which Nathan replies, “Ma’am I’m sorry, but we don’t have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?”

“No son, I want this color.”

“But ma’am, they didn’t make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?” says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.

By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.

The secretary replies, “Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman’s corn!”Emoji 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Fruit of me loins!? I haven’t got fruit in me loins. Lice, yes – and proud of ’em – but no fruit.”

ANSWER: Yellow Beard! Yellowbeard (Graham Chapman) said this after he returned from prison to find he had a son. His wife told him, ‘He’s the fruit of your loins, dear’. “Yellowbeard” (1983) is one the funniest movies ever written. This movie stars several of the Monty Python cast (including John Cleese as Blind Pew), and also Cheech & Chong, Dudley Moore & Peter Cook, Madeline Kahn, Peter Boyle and Marty Feldman. Arrrr! 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Take off those glasses. They’re not regulation, and they make you stand out like a turd in a punch bowl.”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Yup, he’s back with more!!! Oxy, after finding that his first teaser had such great success, decided to find some more oxymorons and come up with another brain teaser!

Now, your task is the same as last time:

Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are?

Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy

1) discovered lost

2) bigger part

3) sugary sour

4) sad humor

5) solitary in company 

ANSWER: 1) found missing, 2) larger half, 3) sweet tart, 4) tragic comedy, 5) alone together  

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you figure out the logic I used to decide the order of the following words: 

gun, shoe, spree, door, hive, kicks, heaven, gate, line, den

 
 
 
 
QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 
GREAT JOB BANKS! (5 DAYS IN ROW) EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 24, 2016.   

Marriage Advice 101…

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. 

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. 

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. 

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. 

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. 

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

My opinions are my wife’s, and she says I’m lucky to have them.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

 “If you cannot convince them, confuse them.” –Harry S. Truman 

“Be sincere; be brief; be seated.” –Franklin D. Roosevelt 

“Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.” –Mark Twain 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?’

The first man approached him and said, ‘Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?  A child?  A parent?’

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied…….. ‘My wife’s first husband.’Emoji 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “THERE’S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!”

ANSWER: Evolution! Dr. Harry Block (Orlando Jones) said this when Dr. Paulson (Wayne Duvall) was about to perform surgery, after an alien had entered Harry’s rectal cavity. The nurse said, “I’ll get the lubricant.” Dr. Paulson replied, “There’s no time for lubricant”, to which Harry responded with the above quote (probably the same quote any of us would have responded with). 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Wait, you can’t leave; I have to work late. If you can’t work late, I can’t work late. If I can’t work late, I CAN’T WORK LATE!”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What do the following sentences have in common?

Tracy, no panic in a pony cart!

But not now a wonton tub!

Marge let a moody baby doom a telegram.  

ANSWER:   They are all palindromic sentences, sentences that read the same backwards as they do forwards! If you read the hint, then you might have also figured out that the hint was a palindrome, too.

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

If to you I’m given you should thankfully receive,

Then look me over carefully, just don’t look at my teeth.

Show me to a cool stream and I’ll follow willingly,

Though I might not do what you want, although parched I may be,

But if you’re really hungry and are looking for a bite,

I don’t think you could eat me even though you say you might.

Decipher all these clues and then together they should tie

To help you solve the question which, of course, is “what am I?”

 
 
 
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/      

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 17, 2016.  

Great Book That Were Never Written….. 

1. 20 yards to the Out House by Willie Makit (Illustrated by Betty Wont) 

2. The Yellow River by I.P. Daily

3. Caulking Made Easy by Phil McKrevis 

4. I Was Prepared by Justin Case 

5. The Nudist Colony by Seymour Skin

6. The Numbers Game by Cal Q. Later

7. Supporting Athletes by Jacques Strappe 

8. Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts

9. Falling Off A Cliff by Eileen Dover 

10. Rusty Bed Springs by I.P. Freeley 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….  

 “Never face facts; if you do, you’ll never get up in the morning.” –Marlo Thomas 

“Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse.” –Miguel de Cervantes 

“When everyone is somebody, then no one’s anybody.” –W. S. Gilbert 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”

“That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”Emoji

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.

ANSWER: The Breakfast Club! The kids wrote this as part of their essay on who they think they are for Mr. Vernon. This movie was one of John Hughes’ classics.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  Guy says: ‘What’s that like? What’s it taste like? Describe it like Hemingway.’

Girl says: ‘Well, it tastes like a pear. You don’t know what a pear tastes like?’

Guy says: ‘I don’t know what a pear tastes like to you.’

Girl says: ‘Sweet, juicy, soft on your tongue, grainy like a sugary sand that dissolves in your mouth. How’s that?’

Guy says: ‘It’s perfect.’

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What do these words have in common?

Full

Green

Halfway

Light

Tree

Ware  

ANSWER:  They are all types of houses. 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

A common three-letter word can be added in the spaces below to create four common English words. What is the three letter word?

C _ _ _ ED

T _ _ _ SIT

ST _ _ _ D

F _ _ _ TIC

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT WORK BANKS
EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.