Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, August 24, 2015.    

Physics 101………..

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it’s less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds 

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“According to a new survey, about half of the world thinks kissing is gross. That half is known as ‘married people.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A man set a new world record after kicking himself in the head 134 times in one minute. He broke the previous record of zero.” -Conan O’Brien

“A winery in France is currently facing a rose shortage. For those of you not familiar with these terms, a winery is a group of women who have run out of rose.” -Seth Meyers  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.

I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. 

Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. 

On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and twisted my ankle.

When I limped into the kitchen, covered in dust and blood, my wife took one look and said, “Those better not be your good pants!” Emoji 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m a god. I’m not ‘the’ God. I’m ‘a’ god.’ 

Answer: Groundhog Day! Bill Murray explaining his predicament about halfway through the movie. 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘At last we meet; for the first time, for the last time.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

It roars like thunder, 

And rises higher, 

While breathing fire, 

This wingless wonder. 

If it leaves its cave,

Drags us in its tail,

Over hill and dale,

Then you must be brave.

Early morning flight,

Silently it flies,

Slowly in the skies.

Hides before the night.

My kingdom at least,

To the brave young knight,

If you name it right.

What is this huge beast?   

ANSWER: A Hot Air balloon.   

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Female kangaroos carry their young (joeys) in a pouch. Likewise, kangaroo words contain another word (a joey) within themselves. A joey word is a synonym of the kangaroo word, and the letters must be in the same order.

Example: “rapscallion” contains the word “rascal”: RApSCALlion

See if you can find the joey words in these kangaroo words:

1. because

2. astound

3. municipality

4. charisma

5. damsel

See if you can find two joey words in this kangaroo word:

6. masculine

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

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Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday September 27, 2013.  

Famous Mothers…

COLUMBUS’ MOTHER:
“I don’t care what you’ve discovered,
you still could have written!”
MICHELANGELO’S MOTHER:
“Can’t you paint on walls like other children?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to
get that stuff off the ceiling?”
NAPOLEON’S MOTHER:
“All right, if you aren’t hiding your report card
inside your jacket, take your hand out of
there and show me.”
ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER:
“Again with the stovepipe hat? Can’t you just
wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”
MARY’S MOTHER:
“I’m not upset that your lamb followed you to school,
but I would like to know how he got a
better grade than you.”
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S MOTHER:
“The next time I catch you throwing money across
the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!”
THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER:
“Of course I’m proud that you invented the
electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!”
PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER:
“I don’t care where you think you have to go,
young man, midnight is past your curfew.”
ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER:
“But it’s your senior picture.
Can’t you do something about your hair . . .
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“President Clinton is on the program tonight. We have a lot of security here. Even I had to go through security. I was frisked. I was groped. I was patted down. Then I got back in line.” -Dave Letterman
“California has been invaded by four new species of lizards, and they’re legless. Every time a new species is discovered, why is it some kind of slimy lizard or slug thing? Why can’t they discover a long-lost, extra-cute kitty cat or a super-cuddly ferret?” -Craig Ferguson
“Traffic has come to a complete stop in Hollywood because we have a huge free concert with Paul McCartney tonight. Either that or all of those people outside just fell for our biggest prank ever.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man and his friend were exiting a drugstore and at the front door there was a scale.
“Look, a scale,” the man said to his friend. “Let’s see how my new diet is working out.”
He stepped on the scale.
“I can’t believe it!” he said as he read the result. “I’ve been on this diet for two weeks but the scale says I’m heaver than I was before! How can that be?”
He pondered this as he stepped off the scale, then had a thought. He took off his jacket and handed it to his friend. “Here, hold my jacket,” he said.
The friend took the jacket as the man stepped back on the scale.
Not much change.
“Here,” he said as he handed his purchase from the drugstore to his friend. “Hold my Twinkies too.”
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “I’m sorry I called your wife a fat bloated warthog.” is said by Connor McLeod in which movie?
 
Answer: Highlander! Connor McLeod (Christopher Lambert) mutters this when he is in duel in Boston Commons, and is tired of getting stabbed repeatedly. This is one of the many flashback scenes in “Highlander” (1986). “Highlander” is the classic story of the immortal Connor McLeod and it goes from the Highlands of Scotland in 1538, when Connor is a young man and is first killed in battle, all the way up to 1986 New York where he is still alive and playing The Game. Immortals fight for the prize, and the last one standing gets all the powers of all the other immortals. Whoever wins gets to decide the fate of the world. 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  “Must go faster. Must go faster. Go go go,” 
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What inference can you draw from the following statements:
 
1. Some alligators carry umbrellas in the shower.
2. Only those that know that flying fish live in trees prefer caramel candy to chocolate.
3. Certain days are set aside for alligators to watch rabbits play hockey.
4. Some large reptiles are steeplechasers.
5. Only steeplechasers can watch hockey games.
6.Those alligators that carry umbrellas in the shower know that flying fish live in the trees.
7. Those that prefer chocolate to caramel candy cannot be steeplechasers.
8. Steeplechasers are vegetarians.
ANSWER:  Only alligators that are vegetarians are allowed to watch rabbits play hockey.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The following great kings are together today in what common form?
King David
King Arthur
Charlemagne and
Julius Caesar

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 
 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday September 26, 2013.  

TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER…
10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren’t his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He’s always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent “a long, long time ago.”
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing “Darth Brooks” routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, “No, Darth isn’t here. He’s on the ice planet Hoth.”
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “Hope is necessary in every condition.”
– Samuel Johnson
“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.”
– Mark Twain
“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.”
– Woody Allen
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A Hollywood director was shooting a big budget movie on location in the desert. One day an old Indian came up to him and said, “Tomorrow rain.”
And sure enough the next day it rained.
A few days later, the old Indian appeared on set again, sidled up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.”
And sure enough, the following day there was a fearful storm which brought a temporary halt to filming.
The director was hugely impressed by the old Indian’s weather predictions and told his secretary to put the tribesman on the payroll. However, after a number of other successful forecasts, the Indian didn’t show for three weeks. Then the director sent for him.
The director said, “I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow and I’m relying on you. What is the weather going to be like?”
The old Indian shrugged his shoulders, “Don’t know. Radio broken.”
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Artax! Stupid horse! You’ve got to move or you’ll die! Don’t let the sadness of the swamp get to you. You’ve got to try. You’ve got to care for me. Artax you’re my friend. I love you.” is said by Atryu in what movie?
 
Answer: The Neverending Story! Artax is sinking in the Swamps of Sadness in the “Neverending Story” (1984). And in a sad twist of fate, one of the horses that was playing Artax did die doing that scene. The stunt crew couldn’t get the floor to rise again and the horse drowned. “Neverending Story” is about a young boy who takes a book from a library and becomes part of the adventure as he reads along. . 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???   “I’m sorry I called your wife a fat bloated warthog.” is said by Connor McLeod in which movie?
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is represented below?
ANSWER: You’re on the right track.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What inference can you draw from the following statements:
1. Some alligators carry umbrellas in the shower.
2. Only those that know that flying fish live in trees prefer caramel candy to chocolate.
3. Certain days are set aside for alligators to watch rabbits play hockey.
4. Some large reptiles are steeplechasers.
5. Only steeplechasers can watch hockey games.
6.Those alligators that carry umbrellas in the shower know that flying fish live in the trees.
7. Those that prefer chocolate to caramel candy cannot be steeplechasers.
8. Steeplechasers are vegetarians.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

3948255FE110CF266E76050992C35_h316_w628_m5_cKnaFYhKVWELCOME to Tuesday September 24, 2013.  Chinese Jews…….

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “Are there any Jews in China?”
“I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”
“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Chinese Jews.”
“Are you sure?” Al asked.
“I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”
When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”
“Are you really sure?” Al asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”
“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Kevin Trudeau, the king of infomercials, has been sent to jail for fraud. The judge sentenced him to 10 years. But then he said, ‘Wait, there’s more,’ and added another five years.” -Conan O’Brien
“It looks like the federal government could be shutting down. The legal definition of a government shutdown is when Congress continues not to work, but they do it from home.” -Jay Leno
“Two guys in New Hampshire were arrested after they tried to rob a group of people playing Bingo. Cops became suspicious when they saw a car driving away from the Bingo hall going more than 10 miles an hour.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone.
Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000.
He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn’t run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room.
“How did you do?” asked the bride.
The groom shrugged and said, “I lost two dollars.”
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “That’s no moon.”
 
Answer: Star Wars! “That’s no moon.” is a line from “Star Wars” (1977), said when Han, Chewie, Luke and Obi-Wan are heading to Alderan and they find the Death Star. Obi-Wan says this after Luke says “Look at that size of that moon.” “Star Wars” is a Sci-Fi classic movie about rebels fighting the Galactic Empire. Also it is about one of the last Jedis passing on along his knowlegde to the son of a fallen Jedi. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  “You’re the best Old Man. You should be free.” is said by Jim Craig in what movie?
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
You will know that I am coming
From the jingle of my bell,
But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell.
Children, they adore me
for they find me jolly,
but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly.
My job often leaves me frozen,
I am a man that all should know,
But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow.
I travel much on business,
But no reindeer haul me around,
I do all my traveling firmly on the ground.
I love the time of Christmas,
But that’s not my vocational season,
And I assure that is because of a sound economic reason.
ANSWER: Ice Cream Man!
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Using real names to make common words/phrases, name the offspring: (the first one is free!)
1. Mr and Mrs Voyant – Clare (as in Clairvoyant)
2. Mr and Mrs Tress
3. Mr and Mrs Nasium
4. Mr and Mrs Tate
5. Mr and Mrs Anthemum
6. Mr and Mrs Mander
7. Mr and Mrs Mite
8. Mr and Mrs Time

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday September 23, 2013.  How Amazing Life is…

Last Sunday night (September 15, 2013), my first grand baby was born at Mercy Hospital in Saint Louis, Missouri otherwise know as the Lou! Her name is Eliya Danielle. Now Eliya is a Hebrew name that simply means “God is my Lord”. Now how amazing is that? It’s taken me a week to take this circle of life thing in and the whole concept of third generation Strayhorn’s into my head! And I know it’s great and many other people are already grandparents, but I’m not, nor have I been until now! I have decided to take the name of “Grand Pappy,’ versus grandfather which sounds so incredibly old! I keep hearing the theme song from the Loin King playing over and over in my head and I almost want to call my son and his wife every day in my best James Earl Jones voice and “Well done my son, you have made me proud”  It’s like Christmas in September and I just love this child! I’ve taken a million pictures and will probably blow them up to poster size to hang on my wall in my office!
Now there’s that age thing which goes along with the grandfather title, you know, you’ve reached the age where what the mind can conceive, the body can no longer achieve? Well I have not reached the walker or Hoveround stage and I figure that I’ve got plenty of life to live, after all, I’ve got at least 5 or 6 more grand kids hanging around just waiting for the right time in the next 20 years to join us. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
I want to put a ding in the universe.
Steve Jobs
Who is wise in love, love most, say least.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Sculpture is the art of the hole and the lump.
Auguste Rodin
The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers, but for the wide world’s joy.
Henry Ward Beecher
Do you realize if it weren’t for Edison we’d be watching TV by candlelight?
Al Boliska
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Otto von Bismark, the first Chancellor of the German Empire from 1871-90 had been conversing for a rather long time with the British Ambassador to Germany when the latter posed the question, “How do you handle insistent visitors who take up so much of your valuable time?”
Bismark answered, “Oh, I have an infallible method. My servant appears and informs me that my wife has something urgent to tell me.”
At that moment there was a knock at the door, and a servant entered with a message from his wife.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “We’re going to give you a fair trial, followed by a first-class hangin'”
 
Answer: Silverado! This 80’s gem resurrected the classic Western in Hollywood. Four men team up to save the town of Silverado from the corrupt Sheriff and his deputies.
 
The corrupt Sherriff Cobb (Brian Dennehy) explains to Mal (Danny Glover) that he’s going to be killed as Mal is being beaten in town by the deputies. Cobb tries to coerce Mal by saying he’ll let him go…all he has to do is give up Emmitt’s (Scott Glenn) hide out. “Silverado” has a great ensemble cast, and also stars Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Linda Hunt, John Cleese, and Rosanna Arquette. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “That’s no moon.”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A man goes into a hardware store to purchase some knobs. To purchase one knob you must pay a minimum of 4 U.S. coins. Two knobs can be purchased with a minimum of 6 U.S. coins. 3 knobs require a minimum of 2 U.S. coins. How much does one knob cost?
U.S Coins include: a penny ($.01), a nickel ($.05), a dime ($.10), a quarter ($.25), a half-dollar ($.50), and a silver dollar ($1.00).
 
ANSWER: One knob costs $0.17
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
You will know that I am coming
From the jingle of my bell,
But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell.
Children, they adore me
for they find me jolly,
but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly.
My job often leaves me frozen,
I am a man that all should know,
But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow.
I travel much on business,
But no reindeer haul me around,
I do all my traveling firmly on the ground.
I love the time of Christmas,
But that’s not my vocational season,
And I assure that is because of a sound economic reason.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,   

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

paindemotivator

WELCOME to Friday September 20, 2013.  Just laughs……..

A FOOLish man tells his wife to STOP talking,
but a WISE man tells she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED
==
One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption
Before Marriage – Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage – Drink whenever you are HAPPY
==
Three FASTEST means of Communication
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell -a Woman
Need still FASTER – Tell her NOT to tell ANYBODY
==
What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER amongst all your Friends.
==
If you do NOT have a Girl Friend – You are missing SOMEthing in your life
If you have ‘ONE’ ; You are missing EVERY thing in your life
==
Q – What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A – One Woman Brings U into this world crying… & ….other ‘ONE’ ensures U Continue it..
==
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no
==
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
==
Teacher : Correct this sentence “A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Pappu : “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field”
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“A Stanford study suggests that social media is making us smarter. They examined hundreds of essays written by college freshmen between 1917 and 2006. By 2006, the papers were longer, better researched, and more complex. That’s because kids in 2006 cut and pasted them from Wikipedia.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“NASA is sending chocolate to astronauts on the International Space Station. I guess it makes sense � I mean, it’s not like those guys have to watch their weight. “Nope, still zero pounds.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“There is a library that is stocked with thousands of e-books in San Antonio. But that’s not really a library. It’s called a Kindle.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, “Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset.”
She wrote at the bottom of the page, “You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it’s time to learn the difference.”
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I know the Presidents’ Chief Advisor, we were at MIT together. And, at this point in time, you really don’t want to take advice from a man who got a ‘C minus’ in astrophysics.”   
 
Answer: Armageddon! A “global-killer” asteroid the size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth. Their only hope is a bunch of oddballs that happen to be the best deep-core drillers in the world. I HATE it when that happens! Jason Isaacs as Dr. Ronald Quincy, explaining to Keith David’s Lt. General Kimsey that the only way to blow up the asteroid is to drill into it and get the explosives inside. General Kimsey quotes the President’s Chief Advisor, who claims that a nuclear explosion on the surface of the asteroid will solve the problem. Dr. Quincy puts him in his place.  It’s hard to believe that is Lucius Malfoy from the Harry Potter movies sitting at that table, isn’t it? 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “We’re going to give you a fair trial, followed by a first-class hangin'”
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is this?
 
 
Filming Schedule for GODS the Movie:
 
Venus 14:00
Mars 17:00
Mercury – Forbidden to film 
ANSWER: Don’t shoot the messenger
Venus = Goddess of Love
Mars = God of War
Mercury = Messenger of the Gods
Shooting is a Movie term for Filming.
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
A man goes into a hardware store to purchase some knobs. To purchase one knob you must pay a minimum of 4 U.S. coins. Two knobs can be purchased with a minimum of 6 U.S. coins. 3 knobs require a minimum of 2 U.S. coins. How much does one knob cost?
U.S Coins include: a penny ($.01), a nickel ($.05), a dime ($.10), a quarter ($.25), a half-dollar ($.50), and a silver dollar ($1.00).
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,   

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

survivaldemotivator

WELCOME to Tuesday September 17, 2013.  

In a morning Bible study, a group of women were studying how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husbands?”
All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”
A few women answered today, some said yesterday, and some didn’t remember.
The women were then asked to take their phones and send the text message, “I love you, sweetheart.”
After a few minutes, the women were asked to exchange phones and read aloud the responding text messages.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Who is this?
2. Uh, mother of my children, are you sick?
3. I love you too.
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean.
6. What did you do now?
7. ?!!???
8. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn’t she?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Congress is considering a bill that would force advertisers to lower the volume of their TV commercials. OK, how did my mother get in Congress?” -Jimmy Fallon
“The kids are going back to school. When I was a kid, you used to take an apple to school for the teacher to get on her good side. Now you send over a drink.” -Dave Letterman
“Plans are being discussed for a reality show based on the White House. It’s called ‘Lame Duck Dynasty.'” -Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in, sits down and asks him what the problem is.
“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.”
“What kind of question?” asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly.”
“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will'”.
“Yeah,” said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said ‘Of course I DO…'”
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Like I told my last wife, I said, ‘Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides… it’s all in the reflexes.'”
 
Answer: Big Trouble in Little China! Legend has it that this script was a heavily re-worked version of the sequel “Buckaroo Banzai: Against the World Crime League”. This kung-fu magic act is a good vs. evil story of Jack Burton, Wang Chi, and Egg Shen taking on the immortal David Lo Pan and his servants, the mystical Three Storms.
 
Jack (Kurt Russell) loves to talk, and this is a part of his litany into the CB radio in his truck (“The Porkchop Express”) at the beginning of the film. “It’s all in the reflexes…” becomes a running gag line throughout the film. 
 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  “This place has a sign hangin’ over the urinal that says, ‘Don’t eat the big white mint’.”
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
You are an expert on paranormal activity and have been hired to locate a spirit haunting an old resort hotel. Strong signs indicate that the spirit lies behind one of four doors. The inscriptions on each door read as follows:
Door A: It’s behind B or C
Door B: It’s behind A or D
Door C: It’s in here
Door D: It’s not in here
Your psychic powers have told you three of the inscriptions are false, and one is true. Behind which door will you find the spirit? 
 
ANSWER: The spirit lies behind Door D.
If the spirit is behind Door A, then both B and D are true.
If the spirit is behind Door B, then both A and D are true.
If the spirit is behind Door C, then A, C, and D are all true.
If the spirit is behind Door D, then the statements on all the doors are false, except for that on Door B. This matches the rules, and therefore, the resort hotel spirit lurks behind Door D.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word. For example, given “The ____ was closing in, making his ____ harder but through his ____ of contacts he was able to evade the police.” you would fill in NET, WORK, and NETWORK.
A ____ of his ____ should be able to ____ that job.
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,