Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

306

WELCOME to Monday, August 31, 2015.    

The Top 45 Oxymorons……

45. Act naturally

44. Found missing

43. Resident alien

42. Advanced BASIC

41. Genuine imitation

40. Good grief

39. Same difference

38. Almost exactly

37. Government organization

36. Sanitary landfill

35. Alone together

34. Legally drunk

33. Silent scream

32. Living dead

31. Small crowd

30. Business ethics

29. Soft rock

28. Butt Head

27. Military Intelligence

26. Software documentation

25. New York culture

24. New classic

23. Sweet sorrow

22. Childproof

21. “Now, then …”

20. Synthetic natural gas

19. Passive aggression

18. Taped live

17. Clearly misunderstood

16. Peace force

15. Extinct Life

14. Temporary tax increase

13. Computer jock

12. Plastic glasses

11. Terribly pleased

10. Computer security

09. Political science

08. Tight slacks

07. Definite maybe

06. Pretty ugly

05. Twelve-ounce pound cake

04. Diet ice cream

03. Working vacation

02. Exact estimate & the top OXY-Moron

01. Microsoft WorksEmoji

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“Friday was national dog day. Dogs, as you’re probably aware, were widely considered to be man’s best friend, until 2007 when the iPhone was invented to replace it.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new study claims that first grade students are getting three times more homework than they should be doing. This is coming from the lead researcher, ‘Timmy.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip.  To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.  “Could that have been a tip?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory. “Yep,” he replied proudly. “not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!” 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘We’ll never survive.’  ‘Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.’ 

Answer: The Princess Bride! Westley and Buttercup, just before entering the Fire Swamp.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Time’s up. Three bucks off.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

In this teaser, you have to find the odd ones out in the groups of words. BUT WAIT! There’s a catch. Each group of words has TWO words which do not belong. Can you find them both?

EXAMPLE: 

Lily – Jane – Tulip – Rose

Jane does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a flower.

Tulip also does not belong because it’s the only one which is not a girl’s name.

You’re on your own for the rest!

1. Dodge – Ford – Lincoln – Hoover

2. King – Earl – Knight – Bishop

3. Yellow – Green – Dead – Black  

ANSWER: 1. Hoover does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a car manufacturer. Dodge does not belong as it’s the only one which is not the last name of a President of USA.

2. Bishop does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a class of nobility. Earl does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a Chess piece.

3. Dead does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a color. Green does not belong as it’s the only one which is not the name of a sea.  

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A clock has 60 lines on it; one at each minute interval. Everyone knows that the hour and minute hands point to the same line at 12:00. Can you figure out what time it is for these situations?

1. The hour hand is exactly on one line, and the minute hand is exactly on the NEXT line.

2. The hour hand is exactly on one line, and the minute hand is exactly on the PREVIOUS line.

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING JOB BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

 
Advertisements

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

53a451939afeb5cb5b84e2c400c63f0e

WELCOME to Thursday, May 21, 2015.        

The Top 47 Oxymorons List For Today…..
 
47. Act naturally
 
46. Found missing
 
45. Resident alien
 
44. Advanced BASIC
 
43. Genuine imitation
 
42. Airline food
 
41. Good grief
 
40. Same difference
 
39. Almost exactly
 
38. Government organization
 
37. Sanitary landfill
 
36. Alone together
 
35. Legally drunk
 
34. Silent scream
 
33. American history
 
32. Living dead
 
31. Small crowd
 
30. Business ethics
 
29. Soft rock
 
28. Butt head
 
27. Military intelligence
 
26. Software documentation
 
Link To This Page
 
25. New York culture
 
24. New classic
 
23. Sweet sorrow
 
22. Childproof
 
21. “Now, then…”
 
20. Synthetic natural gas
 
19. Passive aggression
 
18. Taped live
 
17. Clearly misunderstood
 
16. Peace force
 
15. Extinct life
 
14. Temporary tax increase
 
13. Computer jock
 
12. Plastic glasses
 
11. Terribly pleased
 
10. Computer security
 
9.  Political science
 
8.  Tight slacks
 
7.  Definitely maybe
 
6.  Pretty ugly
 
5.  Twelve-ounce pound cake
 
4.  Diet ice cream
 
3.  Working vacation
 
2.  Exact estimate
 
1.  Microsoft Works
 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would have said carjackers.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A 94-year-old man is graduating from West Virginia University. Just imagine how awkward it’s going to be for the commencement speaker when he says, ‘You have your whole life ahead of you. Except that dude.'” -Seth Meyers

“A resort in Mexico has opened the first underwater bar. Shortly afterwards it became host to the world’s slowest bar fight ever.” -Conan O’Brien

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.  After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man, “We need individuals who are totally responsible.”  The young man grinned and responded: “Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I’ve worked, when something went wrong, I was always responsible!” 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “I’m gonna get a tattoo on my head — BRAIN DAMAGE!”

Answer: Sid and Nancy! Billed as a sort of punk “Romeo and Juliet”, Alex Cox’s harrowing and often hilarious film follows the drug-addled exploits of bass player Sid Vicious (Gary Odman), of the English punk band, The Sex Pistols, and his girlfriend, groupie Nancy Spungen (Chloe Webb). Director Cox wrote the screenplay with his then-girlfriend, Abbe Wool. Before performing a concert on a chartered boat in The Thames River, Sid informs Pistols singer Johnny Rotten about his plan for a “…tattoo on my head…” before smacking himself hard in the face.  

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “That’s quite a humor you have.”  “Well, if you’re going to London, and you’re going to London then I’m going to London.”

   

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

My father gave me a brain teaser with two groups of words missing. The four words in each group are anagrams of each other. I’ve solved the first group, but I’m stuck on the second group. Can you help?

Time to decorate the Christmas tree! Putting up the lights was my job, but after that it was time to ENLIST some help. While the kids were busy adding TINSEL, I put on some music to LISTEN to; my favorite song is “SILENT Night”.

After we finished decorating the Christmas tree, I hung the stockings on the __1__. Feeling a chill, I looked down and had to __2__ my __3__ lapse; the fire was out. I threw on my __4__ and stepped out into the cold night to gather some firewood. Upon my return, we were soon roasting chestnuts and sipping eggnog to complete a wonderful evening. 

 

ANSWER: 1. mantel  2. lament  3. mental  4. mantle

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

I am more microscopic than microscopic; I am more minuscule than minuscule. 

I am smaller than small and I am tinier than tiny. 

Yet surprisingly, I am still big. What am I?

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 

NICE WORKS BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday April 1, 2012.  Modern Aphorisms….. 

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. That’s my story and I’m sticking too it!
Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman

QUOTES OF THE DAY
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a  replacement.  ~Author Unknown

The trouble with, “A place for  everything and everything in its place” is that there’s always more everything than places.  ~Robert Brault

Amount of time it takes for a  dog to “do its business” is directly proportional to outside temperature + suitability of owner’s outerwear.  ~Betsy Cañas Garmon

There  are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all  of us.  I have observed for example that we all get the same amount of ice.

The  rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter.  ~Bat  Masterson

No one is listening until you fart.  ~Author  Unknown

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes.If  you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won’t work.
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is moron cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top…
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???
‘Goodnight you Princes of Maine, you Kings of New England.’ Answer: The Cider House Rules. This was a great movie, but those of you who  love to read (like me) should read the book before seeing it. What makes the book better is there is another part to the story that continues past where the  movie ends, and that’s what makes it better. Starring Tobey Maguire (not only  cute, but a good actor), Michael Caine (won Oscar for Best Supporting Actor), and Charlize Theron

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘You should see the other guy!’
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Words pertaining to a theme are shown with all of their vowels already in place. Fill in the consonants that will complete the words. What is the theme?
BB CC DD H LLLL PP Q RR SS TTT V
1. __ a __ __ e __ __ o __ __ 2. __ e __ __ __ __ e a __ 3. __ __ i __ __ o __ e __ 4. __ u i __ __
Answer. Furniture coverings. 1. Tablecloth  2. Bedspread  3. Slipcover  4. Quilt

Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
Mr. Ixolite was in Mexico on his holidays and was looking to try the hottest chili he could find. He went into a restaurant and ordered a hot one. After the fire in his mouth had been put out, and he sat there gasping for breath, the waiter came up to him and said, “Excuse me, Senor Ixolite, we are very sorry, but we accidentally gave you the wrong chili. We gave you the mild one instead of this very hot one. Would you like it?”
MrIxolite paled, but being unable to speak, grabbed a napkin and wrote out the following rebus:
Hose A) Hose B) Way Hose C) Way
What was Mr. Ixolite trying to say _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/”

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com.,www.Beaumont77.com., 

www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/http://www.simplycake.biz/

www.chrissijforyourhair.com.

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday February 28, 2012.  Modern Aphorisms…..       

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Italian authorities seized $6 trillion worth of fake, worthless U.S. Treasury bonds. Pretty good counterfeit job, too. They look just like the genuine worthless Treasury bonds.” -Jay Leno

“The reality is earth contains only so much fossil fuel. So the solution is obvious. If oil comes from fossils, then we should genetically engineer more dinosaurs. What could possibly go wrong?” -Craig Ferguson

“A new survey found that the tooth fairy left about 42 cents less in 2011 than it did the year before. When kids lose teeth now, they’re like, ‘Ehh, I’m gonna hold onto this until the market improves.'” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

While I was dining out with my children, a friend of my neighbor, who recognized us, came over to our table, and we started talking.  He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we homeschooled them. With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family.  I said, “No, I also work… but out of our home.” Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in. “He was born at home,” I answered. The man looked at me and said, “You don’t get out much, do you?”  ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘When I die, bury me upside down so the world can kiss my behind.’ Answer: Platoon. This is written on Charlie Sheen’s  helmet.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘I just need you to know one thing, that woman, that you saw, by the pool,  no, that girl that you just have to spend the rest of your life with…that was  me.’

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Monday’s Quizzler is………. The following quotes are all by Forrest Gump (played by Tom Hanks), can you figure them out? They all use the same code. XT XSXS SCPSTF FSJM CJKD PSF CJLD S OZV ZK IGZIZCSNDF. TZE RDWDU LRZP PGSN TZE’UD AZRRS ADN. XT RSXD’F KZUUDFN AEXQ. QDZQCD ISCC XD KZUUDFN AEXQ.

J’X RZN S FXSUN XSR, OEN J LRZP PGSN CZWD JF.

ANSWER: My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. My name’s Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.  I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.

Tuesday’s Quizzlers is………. Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended.
Example: EVER – ______ – HORN Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN
1. FORE – __________ – WAITER 2. FORE – __________ – HOOD 3. FORE – __________ – ABLE

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! PURE GENIUS ANDREA!Nerd smileThumbs up

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. www.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/http://www.simplycake.biz/