Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, July 29, 2015.   

Steven Wright Thoughts..

All the plants in my house are dead–I shot them last night. I was torturing them by watering them with ice cubes.

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. “It was supposed to be hot today.”

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, “Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?” He said, “I don’t know.” I said, “I don’t want your job.”

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. “We’re surrounded.”

Last time I went camping, I accidentally borrowed a circus tent. I didn’t know until I got there and set it up. People complained because they couldn’t see the lake. There was a forest nearby, but it wasn’t a regular forest. It was a forest made out of paneling. It was a long, thin forest.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

It’s a fine night to have an evening.

I wrote a few children’s books… Not on purpose.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I installed a skylight in my apartment…. The people who live above me are furious!

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store… With a pricing gun… She said, “Give me all of the money in the vault, or I’m marking down everything in the store.”

While I was gone, somebody rearranged all the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in *exactly* the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: “Do I know you?”

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I’d be the only one who knew. People come over and I’m gonna say, “Go ahead, touch it… It feels real.”

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above… So I never have to go upstairs.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” –Albert Einstein 

“Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature’s inexorable imperative.” –H. G. Wells 

“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” –Bob Hope   

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra. He had been having problems with the basses; they were the least professional of his musicians. It was the last performance of the season, Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the basses at the end. Earlier that evening, he found the basses celebrating one of their birthdays by passing a bottle around. As he was about to cue the basses, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. As he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear was realized; it was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the basses were loaded.  

 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I’m Robin Hood. I steal from the rich and give to the needy.” “You mean the poor.” “No, I mean the needy. Cuz brother we NEED this car.”  

Answer: Gone in Sixty Seconds! This movie starred many great actors, including Nicolas Cage, Will Patton, Giovanni Ribisi, Angelina Jolie and Scott Caan. I loved this movie. This was said between two of the “boosters” as they were stealing one of the cars on the list.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t believe it, you want to 

have sex with him!”

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher these common Christmas Carols? 

1. Happiness to the Global Ecosystem 

2. Small male percussionist 

3. I am experiencing nocturnal visions of a colorless holiday 

4. Festoon the Corridors 

5. A Non-summer fairytale area 

6. Oh holiday conifer 

7. Ten plus two twenty-four hour periods of holiday festivity 

8. Hey tiny city in Israel 

9. In a remote location in a barn stall 

ANSWER: 1. Joy to the World  2. Little Drummer Boy  3. I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas  4. Deck the Halls   5. Winter Wonderland 

6. Oh Christmas Tree  7. 12 Days of Christmas  8. Oh Little Town of Bethlehem  9. Away in a Manger 

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

An antigram is an anagram which has a meaning opposite to its unscrambled version.

Try these:

EVIL’S AGENTS

REAL FUN

NICE LOVE

NO MORE STARS

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS. KIM HILLYARD! NICE WORK LADIES!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org.

 

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, June 11, 2015.    

Here are some funny, stupid, and witty one liners for your day…….
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I’m just driving this way to piss you off.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Keep honking, I’m reloading.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“This weekend in Los Angeles, people got to meet famous cats from the Internet at the first-ever CatCon. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it because I’m allergic to sad people.” -Conan O’Brien

“Chipotle has announced plans to provide paid vacation, tuition, reimbursement, and sick days for hourly workers, which is great. But now if you want guacamole, it’s $400.” -Seth Meyers

“Yahoo! announced last week that after eight years of operation it’s shutting down Yahoo! Maps. Also announced this week – there’s something called Yahoo! Maps.” -Jimmy Fallon 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.” 

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Rip ’em.” 

Answer: No Holds Barred! Hulk Hogan plays Rip, a wrestler (a stretch I know). Hogan’s first feature film as the star (he was in “Rocky III” as Thunderlips!) “Rip’em” was the character Rip’s catchphrase. 

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Why don’t you love me Jenny?”

   

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

You will know that I am coming

From the jingle of my bell,

But exactly who I am is not an easy thing to tell.

Children, they adore me

for they find me jolly,

but I do not see them when the halls are decked with holly.

My job often leaves me frozen,

I am a man that all should know,

But I do not do business in times of sleet or ice or snow.

I travel much on business,

But no reindeer haul me around,

I do all my traveling firmly on the ground.

I love the time of Christmas,

But that’s not my vocational season,

And I assure that is because of a sound economic reason.    

ANSWER: Ice Cream Man! 
 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

Help Beethoven use these clues below to decipher these popular Christmas/Holiday tunes.

Example: A Triad of Monarchs

Answer: We Three Kings

1. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis.

2. Frozen precipitation commences.

3. Oh, member of the round table with missing areas.

4. I envisioned a trio of marine vessels. 

5. Do you perceive the same longitudinal pressure that stimulates my auditory sense organs? 

6. Leave and do a broadcast on an elevated peak.

Bonus: The apartment of 2 psychiatrists.

 
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! BRILLIANT SOLVING JOB LADIES.  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

  

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday September 19, 2013.  Complete and Finished….

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between those two words.
In a recently held linguistic competition held in London, England, attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelors Adventure was the clear winner with a standing ovation lasting over five minutes.
Here is his answer which made him receive an invitation to dine with the Queen, who decided to call him after the contest. He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old Eldorado rum for his answer.
The question was this.
How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Here is Mr. Balgobin’s astute answer:
“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
 “I have witnessed the softening of the hardest of hearts by a simple smile.”
– Goldie Hawn
“I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.”
– Ian Fleming
“No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.”
– Thomas Mann
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if she had a newspaper handy.
“This is the 21st century Dad,” she said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers.
Here, use my I Pad.”
I can tell you this: that fly never knew what hit him.
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “It is in your nature to do one thing correctly: Tremble.”
 
Answer: Manhunter! The vastly under-rated and over-shadowed “Manhunter” showcases the first appearance of Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecktor. He is tapped by Wil Graham (William Peterson of “CSI” fame), an FBI profiler, to assist in finding the “Tooth Fairy” killer, Francis Dollarhyde.
 
The evil and twisted Dollarhyde speaks to “Tattler” reporter Freddy Lounds, whom he has kidnapped and will murder because of articles Lounds has published. This film is based on the book, “The Red Dragon” by Thomas Harris. 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “I know the Presidents’ Chief Advisor, we were at MIT together. And, at this point in time, you really don’t want to take advice from a man who got a ‘C minus’ in astrophysics.”
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Abby, Bob, Cindy and Don went to the toy store to get a new toy. They each bought a different toy. They paid a different price for their items. Work out who bought what toy for what price.
Kids: Abby, Bob, Cindy, Don
Toys: Ball, Skipping rope, Paper doll, Book
Prices: $1, $1.50, $2, $2.50
1) A boy bought the ball.
2) Cindy paid with a bill and got less than $3 back.
3) The $1 item was made from paper.
4) The boys only brought $1.75 each.
5) The skipping rope was exactly $1 more than the ball.
6) The book was not $2.
7) Someone with an “n” in their name bought the ball.
ANSWER: Abby bought the $2 paper doll.
Bob bought the $1 book.
Cindy bought the $2.50 skipping rope.
Don bought the $1.50 ball.
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
What phrase is this?
Filming Schedule for GODS the Movie:
Venus 14:00
Mars 17:00
Mercury – Forbidden to film
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,   

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday August 27, 2013.     Its all about Wives..

(Please remember NOT TO SHOOT the messenger!)
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
************
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
************
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
************
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There was water in the carburetor.”
I asked her, “Where’s the car?”
She replied, “In the lake.”
************
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
************
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
************
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
************
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
************
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
************
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: “You can have mine.”
*************
It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
*************
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
*************
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I’m half dead.”
**************
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t
forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“Elsewhere in the news, a Swedish company was fined today after one of their assembly robots attacked a human worker. And so it begins…” -Craig Ferguson
“A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator’s vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, ‘We have a vegetable drawer?'” -Conan O’Brien
“A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you.” -Jimmy Fallon
 
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A wife asked her husband, “Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”
A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons.
Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife asked, “Why the hell did you buy so much milk?”
Her husband said, “They had eggs.”
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don’t react well to bullets”
 
Answer: “The Hunt for Red October” is set in the middle of the cold war between the USSR and the US. A senior and well respected Russian Sub commander, Marco Ramius, and his handpicked crew use a state of the art nuclear submarine that runs nearly undetectable by modern sonar to defect to the United States. In the film’s climax Captain Ramius and CIA analyst Jack Ryan join together to neutralize a KGB saboteur who is trying to foil the defection plot by igniting a missile and incinerating the ship. Ramius instructs Ryan to be careful discharging his firearm in the hold of Red October’s missile room, but the saboteur is not as reserved in his discretion to shoot, firing and missing numerous times at Ryan and Ramius. Ryan is ultimately successful in shooting the KGB plant and thus bringing the ship out of danger.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “You have taken care of the little fish. I will take care of the one that got away.”
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What is this?
THETENCOMMANDMENTS
NCOMMANDMENTS
E
T
E
H
T
ANSWER: Bending the rules…..
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
I’ve been to more countries than you’ll ever see.
I’ve been to church every Sunday.
I’ve been folded, pressed, even stuffed inside leather.
I’ve been dreamt about, coveted, and fought over.
People want me, yet despise me.
I have no true purpose except to travel.
I have no true mission in life except to be given and taken.
I have no true identity since I am but a clone.
I have no true name since I bear only the names of others.
People see my face and see another’s face as well.
I am life to some.
I am death to others.
I am common as grass.
I am sometimes as rare as the perfect sunset.
People rely on me more than almost anything else.
What am I?
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,  

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

1002448_10200132620782500_2009117998_nWELCOME to Monday July 22, 2013.  New Age Definitions…. 

After Marriage: A state in which husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.
Love: Something You can’t buy, but pay dearly for it.
Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
Tears: A hydraulic force which makes feminine water power to conquer over masculine will-power.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of me.
Dwight L. Moody
Love comes unseen; we only see it go.
Austin Dobson
Not everybody trusts paintings but people believe photographs.
Ansel Adams
Oh, the summer night, Has a smile of light, And she sits on a sapphire throne.
Barry Cornwall
An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.
A. J. Liebling
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring.
“There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice,” said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. “Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach .”
“That’s nothing compared to what my Anna does for me,” declared Mrs. Jones proudly. “Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami , and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house.”
Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. “Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody.”
“So what does she do?” asked the two women, turning to her.
“Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour – just to talk about me!”
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? Morphine is bad for you. Your daughter is out there on the streets waiting for you.”
 
Answer: The Crow! This quote comes from the scene where Draven (Brandon Lee) squeezes the morphine out of Darla’s (Anna Levine) arm as he reminds her that she has a child hanging out on the street that she needs to take care of.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Insane asylums are filled with people who think they’re Jesus or Satan. Very few have delusions of being a guy down the block who works for an insurance company.”
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is this?
Bank for Tigers 4.2% interest rate
Bank for Lions 4.1% interest rate
Bank for Cheetahs 0.0% interest rate
ANSWER:  Cheaters never prosper! lit. The cheetah’s bank offers an interest of 0% so any money invested will not accrue any interest and they will not prosper
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Using a combination of letters and/or numbers to sound out the answers, can you solve the clues? (The first one is free)
1. Not difficult – EZ (Easy)
2. Unoccupied
3. To do better than others
4. Defeated
5. A number (use only letters for this one)
6. A sport
7. Freezing

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

153B518C7F968E0B3164D8C265B71_h316_w628_m5_cEeOjRdaoWELCOME to Tuesday June 25, 2013.  Corporate Stupidity………

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
“This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.”
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
Never ruin a good system with reason or logic..
(the office staff)
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid of outliving their money than dying. The other 39 percent have already outlived their money and have faked their own death to avoid creditors.” -Jay Leno
“NASA is challenging Americans to help them figure out a better way to find threatening asteroids. Americans said, ‘What do we get if you pick our idea?’ And NASA said, ‘To live.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Did you see the pictures of Obama and Putin at the G-8 summit? It was like Thanksgiving with your relatives. The problem there is they have nothing to say to one another because they’ve been bugging each other’s phones.” -Dave Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Why A Ship Is Called “SHE”? A ship is called “she” because there is always a great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about’, she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys.  
 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???  “I remember the moment you fell in love with me, I could see it in your eyes. I can still see it.”
 
 Answer: “A History of Violence” was directed by David Cronenberg, who has made lots of graphic horror films. This movie is set in a small town in Indiana and the main character, Tom Stall, appears to be a mild mannered shop owner. It is soon revealed that he has a sordid past and was in fact a violent mobster in his youth.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???“He’s watching him die, we’re talking to the wrong guy.”
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
You see me often ladies,
For I am a part of your life.
I sometimes bother babies
But prefer to cause adults strife.
My looks are a sign of your personality.
My strength cannot measure up to yours.
With most people I am there for eternity.
Onto me, water often pours.
Many look to me with pride,
While others wish to change me.
Drifting slowly, my time I bide
Waiting for you to see
That I am just a thing you’re given,
Not something very important.
For I have always been and will forever be dead.
ANSWER: Hair.
 
It often gets in your face (at least it does to girls).
Some babies are born with it, some are not.
You wash your hair often, and get it changed just as much.
This may sound a little too scientific, but hair is made of dead cells, just like your upper layer of skin.  
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Change MILE to INCH by changing one letter at a time. Each change must produce a valid word in the English language. But there is a catch. You must make the change by going through YARD and FOOT. No word can be used more than once.
MILE —-> YARD —-> FOOT —-> INCH
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

driveway-was-fullWELCOME to Wednesday June 19, 2013.   Appraisal Vs Resignation….

A newly joined trainee asks his boss “what is the meaning of appraisal?”
Boss: “Do you know the meaning of resignation?”
Trainee: “Yes I do”
Boss: “So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation”
Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation Appraisal
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn’t meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
Trainee: “Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign..!!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY 
“A 97-year-old man from New York just received his high school diploma. Turns out there’s a problem. Apparently he’s only reading at a 95-year-old level.” -Jay Leno
“A big movie is opening today ‘Man of Steel.’ Superman is played by Henry Cavil. As far as I’m concerned, Christopher Reeve will always be the best Superman. Just like Sean Connery will always be the best James Bond. I’d love to see Superman played by Sean Connery. He could just shave an ‘S’ into his chest hair.” -Craig Ferguson
“A company in Britain has created a car that can be powered by human waste. It’s cool, but it gets a little uncomfortable when your buddy asks you to ‘chip in’ for gas.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 A customer called our service line demanding help with her TV set, which wouldn’t come on. 
“I’m sorry, but we can’t send a technician out today due to the blizzard,” I told her.
Unsatisfied, she barked, “I need my TV fixed today! What else am I supposed to do while the power is out?!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from???   “So I ask you, when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn’t miscarry or that their daughter doesn’t bleed to death or that their mother doesn’t suffer acute neural trauma from post-operative shock, who do you think they’re praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, Dennis, and you go to your church and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle. But if you’re looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn’t like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.”
 
 Answer: Malice! The scene for this quote takes place as Hill (Baldwin) is giving a deposition in a malpractice case where he he is accused of carelessness because of his God complex. 
 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Nothing like a good piece of hickory.”
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What loses its head every morning and gets it back at night?
ANSWER:A pillow.
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
 
I still have 7 more things to put away and time is running out fast. Next I decide to put away the giant’s board games. 
 
The colors of the board games are blue, brown, green, orange, purple, red, and yellow.
 
1. Purple is somewhere to the left of green.
 
2. Red is next to blue.
 
3. Brown is 3 away from blue (2 between).
 
4. Yellow is 2 away from red.
 
5. Blue is in the middle.
 
6. Orange is directly between yellow and purple.
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. RENNA WILD FOR SOLVING TUESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE WORK RENNA! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,