Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, November 6, 2015.    

Lessens in Righting: Content-Disposition inline……….

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

16. Don’t use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And finally…

34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss 

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” 

― Bernard M. Baruch

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow

Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead

Walk beside me… just be my friend” 

― Anonymous 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!”

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage.

Sticking it in my face she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.'”Emoji 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Come out, come out, wherever you are.” 

Answer: Queen of the Damned! This one was too easy, but I had to. “Queen” was a great movie, over-looking the mediocre acting. Aaliyah was very evil as Akasha, Stuart Townsend very seductive as Lestat.    

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Why do you let her do this to you?”  “Because I like it!”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

The same two letters can be prefixed to each of these words to make different words. What are these two letters?

one

edge

own

ought

awl

aught   

ANSWER:  D and R

Drone  Dredge  Drown  Drought  Drawl  Draught

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

1. I am always excited

2. I tell people where things are at

3. You can play a game on me

4. I’m very rich

5. I give percentages

6. I am always looking up

7. And………

8. I look like a light in the sky

9. I keep things arranged that are to my right

10. I keep things arranged that are to my left

What Are We?

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

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Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, October 27, 2015.   

Playing with a Funny Word or Two – The Illogical English Language

  • Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?
  • When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
  • Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.
  • Chloe was too close to the door to close it.
  • Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.
  • Why do our noses run but our feet smell?
  • Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.

Funny Collective Nouns

  1. A sentence of judges
  2. A load of cobblers
  3. An expectation of midwives
  4. A conflagration of arsonists
  5. An illusion of magicians
  6. A horde of misers
  7. An exaggeration of fishermen
  8. A flush of plumbers
  9. A scoop of journalists
  10. A decanter of publicans

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“Tom Brady just did an interview where he called Coca-Cola ‘poison for kids’ and said he didn’t think Frosted Flakes is actually food. That story again: Do NOT go trick-or-treating at Tom Brady’s house! ‘Who wants some raisins and toothbrushes?!'” -Jimmy Fallon

“I have a strict policy. I will not and do not publicize unsubstantiated rumors about anyone unless they’re very funny.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Oprah Winfrey is buying a 10 percent stake in Weight Watchers. Oprah’s financial advisor asked her if she wanted to buy a large stake and Oprah said, ‘Oh, yeah!'” -Conan O’Brien  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife murmurs, “I love you.”

“Is that you or the wine talking?” asks the husband.

“It’s me,” says the wife, “talking to the wine.” 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I want no quarrel with him.” “No, no, it’s already begun!” 

Answer:  Interview with the Vampire! Louis is speaking to Armand of Santiago.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Psychos don’t explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t care how crazy they are!”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.

3. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.  

ANSWER: 1. The cut on his HEEL won’t HEAL in time for the race, so HE’LL have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being BALD that he regularly BALLED himself up on the bed and BAWLED his eyes out.

3. I couldn’t SENSE any of the SCENTS in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 CENTS crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the SEAS and essentially SEIZE everything he SEES. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Recently, Snow White’s seven dwarfs met up with three of their friends and went to the cinema to see Bambi. From the clues below, can you determine the order in which they stood in the ticket queue? 

Grumpy was in front of Dopey. Stumpy was behind Sneezy and Doc. Doc was in front of Droopy and Happy. 

Sleepy was behind Stumpy, Smelly and Happy. 

Happy was in front of Sleepy, Smelly and Bashful. 

Bashful was behind Smelly, Droopy and Sleepy.

Sneezy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was in front of Grumpy, Stumpy and Sneezy. 

Dopey was in front of Droopy. 

Sleepy was in front of Grumpy and Bashful. 

Dopey was behind Sneezy, Doc and Sleepy. 

Stumpy was in front of Dopey. Smelly was behind Doc.

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS! 

 EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, September 29, 2015.   

Neologism – Alternate Meanings for Common Words

  • Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
  • Cantankerous(n), able to drive a tank.
  • Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
  • Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
  • Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
  • Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
  • Defenestration (n.), Uninstalling Windows 7 and then installing Linux.
  • Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  • Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  • Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
  • Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
  • Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
  • Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  • Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  • Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  • Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES FOR THE WEEKEND….      

“Today is the first day of fall! You can tell it’s getting colder, ‘cuz today I saw a rat on the subway trying to carry a pumpkin spice latte.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The Pope is coming to America. When the Pope’s plane lands in the United States, President Obama is going to be there to greet him. President Obama is going to be the guy at arrivals holding a sign that says ‘Pope.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.” -Seth Meyers  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, “Straighten her up.”

I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up and take some responsibility.”

My wife hasn’t asked me to help with her since.Emoji

 

  

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Life is pain, get used to it.’

Answer:  The Long Kiss Goodnight! Spoken by Geena Davis’ character, to her daughter.

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We think he may have Tourette’s, we’re looking into it.’

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) overweight dam builder & symptom of a sick flying mammal

2) bottom of the ocean & an insect-bitten dog has this

3) a cooking utensil & a nosy admirer

4) the person in charge of clocks and watches & the result of exposing silent actors to the sun 

  

ANSWER: 1) fat beaver & bat fever

2) sea floor & flea sore

3) frying pan & prying fan

4) man of the times & tan of the mimes 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Construction of a stronger and more massive bell tower for the monastery to replace the one destroyed during the last civil strife with a neighboring lord was well underway when the old Monk visited the site. The Abbot showed the Monk the drawings and model for the three-bell tower. The Monk was impressed until he stood where the bell chamber would be and saw the spiral staircase in this medieval bell tower running the wrong direction (counterclockwise). 

“The staircase direction must be changed,” said the Old Monk. The Abbot looked at the staircase and agreed. Why?

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, September 11, 2015.  

Idle Thoughts…….

Here are a few pithy thoughts to ponder, mull over and chew on (although not necessarily in that order). 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe we are above average drivers.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. Helen Keller

In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet. – Albert Schweitzer

Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul. Democritus

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts; therefore guard accordingly. Marcus Aurelius

People with many interests live, not only longest, but happiest. George Matthew Allen

Happiness is not a goal, but a by-product. Eleanor Roosevelt

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities. Aldous Huxley  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Penny was a hard working, conscientious girl, who lived on her own. Her dream in life was to go on an ocean cruise around the world. So she scrimped, and she saved, and she saved, and she scrimped until finally, one day, she had enough money to go on her ocean cruise. She booked passage on a cruise liner – first class all the way… The cruise started off in a grandiose scale, dancing and parties every night. But Penny was a cautious girl, so she never drank, but just danced the night away.

One night, after they had been at sea for a week, Penny was walking back to her cabin, when the heel on her left shoe broke throwing her off balance. If that wasn’t enough, the ship chose that moment to tilt to the left. As a result, Penny was thrown overboard. A hue and a cry were immediately raised, and after about five minutes they found Penny. Hauling her aboard, the ship’s crew realized that it was too late, poor Penny was dead.

Normally, they would have done a burial at sea, but as I said before, Penny was a very conscientious girl, and had written a will. In it, she specified that she wished for her body to be cremated, and kept in a jar on her parent’s fireplace mantel. Her wishes were fulfilled, which just goes to show you that a Penny saved is a Penny urned. 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, Chief. I’ll find him for three, but I’ll catch him, and kill him, for ten.’ 

Answer: Jaws! Quint, the shark fisherman, to the people of Amity. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘We’ll use paper money for the jockey fee and expenses, but this will be for your entry money. We’ll use the gold sovereigns for luck.’

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Unscramble the words below and follow the instructions in parentheses.

1. REDE (Take the 3rd letter)

2. SAVEREB (Take the 4th letter)

3. HERSWS (Take the 5th letter)

4. OSINB (Take the 4th letter)

5. SOMEO (Take the 4th letter)

6. LETANPOE (Take the 5th letter)

Now unscramble the letters you got to find your answer.  

ANSWER: 1. DEER, E  2. BEAVERS, V  3. SHREWS, W  4. BISON, O  5. MOOSE, S  6. ANTELOPE, L

EVWOSL unscrambles to become WOLVES. Wolves have been known to hunt deer, beavers, shrews, bison, moose, and antelope, among other things. Although a pack of wolves generally likes bigger game like bison, a single wolf will eat smaller things like shrews. They will even eat earthworms and fruits if they must.   

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

On July 7th, I had a most unusual day. I woke up at exactly 7:07, stumbled to my refrigerator and had a 7up. I got dressed, went downstairs, and caught the number 7 bus to go to my office on 77th street. While sitting in my office on the 7th floor, it dawned on me how my day was going so I called my bookie and placed a $777 bet on the number 7 horse in the seventh race, whose name was Seventh Heaven, to win.

Do you know what happened?

  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, May 25, 2015.      

Playing with a Funny Word or Two……………  

Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?

When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

In the boat, a row erupted amongst the oarsmen about how to row.

Chloe was too close to the door to close it.

Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.

Why do our noses run but our feet smell?

Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday weekend people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Three Southwest Airlines baggage handlers are accused of smuggling drugs in luggage. The officials became suspicious when every single one of the Southwest bags made it to its destination.” -Conan O’Brien

“Bruce Springsteen is selling his house in Beverly Hills for around $70 million. And for that much money, the house actually comes WITH Bruce Springsteen.” -Jimmy Fallon 

“Scientists working on The Syracuse University Lava Project have discovered how to grill a steak using lava. The hard part is getting the cow up on the volcano.” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. 

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.Emoji

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Roger, holding the spit.”

Answer: Super Troopers! In fear of their station being shut down, Captain O’Hagen tells his Vermont State Troopers to “step it up”, but it only serves to fuel their “high”-jinx even further, in comedy troupe Broken Lizard’s surprise hit movie.

When the Dimpus Burger cashier announces over the intercom not to spit in Officer Farva’s burger, the fry cook responds, “Roger, holding the spit.” 

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Tie? What she mean tie?”

   

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Many of our everyday words have more than one meaning. Below are eleven pairs of definitions. Both definitions in each pair fit the same word. When read down, the first letters of the eleven answers will spell out the name of a beloved TV celebrity.

1. Spend time idly or bread unit

2. Worker’s organization or marriage

3. Pine tree fruit or ice cream holder

4. Feeling of curiosity or savings account accrual

5. Land parcel or considerable quantity

6. Illumination or not weighty at all

7. Typewriter type style or the VIP crowd

8. Baby’s toy or city square

9. Weapon or upper body appendage

10. Bowling group or three nautical miles

11. Stand at a slant or thin

 

ANSWER:  1. Loaf  2. Union  3. Cone  4. Interest  5. Lot  6. Light  7. Elite  8. Block

9. Arm  10. League  11. Lean 

 

Monday’s  Quizzler is……….

The following word pairs are anagrams which can be combined to form the name of an animal.Try to figure it out.

1. Zeal, Gel

2. Neat, Help

3. Boa, Luff

4. Bow, Mat

5. Evil, Owner

 

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 

NICE WORKS BANKS!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji Emoji

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orghttp://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, April 28, 2015.    

Steven Wright………………… 
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
How young can you die of old age?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
On the other hand… You have different fingers.
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
Women… Can’t live with ’em… Can’t shoot ’em.
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
What do batteries run on?
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one
time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down
then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.
[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it… Just checking.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Why is it, “A penny for your thoughts,” but, “you have to put your two cents in?” Somebody’s making a penny.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“Today is Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, also known as No Work Gets Done Day. I wonder if anyone has ever been fired on ‘take your kid to work day.’ Just imagine, ‘Ron, will you and your daughter step into my office please?’ That would be a lesson about what it is like to work.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Anybody go to the Olive Garden? Every table at the Olive Garden now has a computer. It’s the perfect way for a family of four to ignore one another. And while you’re there on the Olive Garden computer, you can get on the Internet and look up a better restaurant.” Dave Letterman

“A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” -Seth Meyers  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. 

“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'” 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘How am I supposed to get a chick in that?’

Answer: Basketball! Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s comedy masterpiece 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘WHAT ain’t no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in WHAT?’  

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

 
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
 
ANSWER: Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
 
Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….
The following clues lead to two words or phrases that are the phonetic reverse of each other. When you answer the first clue and flip the syllables, you get the second answer. (Phonetic only, not letters.)Using the clues below, please find the words/phrases in question.
Example: Impertinent * Teetertotter
Answer: Saucy/Seesaw
1. A clock or watch * Period between wars (2 words)
2. Fabulous * Chase after
3. Have faith in * Not disturb (2 words)
4. European weight, informally * Understated (Hyphenated)
5. Student, say, with a summer office job * Go to bed (2 words)
 
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
  

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, March 13, 2015.  

Unusual and Strange Phobias…..
Pteronophobia – Panic when tickled by feathers.
Pediophobia – Fear of dolls.
Russophobia – Dread of Russians.
Zemmiphobia – Fear of the great mole rat.
Consecotaleophobia – Fear of chopsticks.
Dendrophobia – Trepidation when amongst trees.
Dextrophobia – Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Eleutherophobia – Strange phobia of freedom.
Epistemophobia – Fear of knowledge.
Ereuthrophobia – Dread of blushing.
Euphobia – Fear of hearing good news.
Genuphobia – Funny phobia of knees.
Graphophobia – Fear of writing or handwriting.
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia – Fear of taste.
Helminthophobia – Phobia of being infested with worms.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – Fear of long words.
Hobophobia – Alarm of being next to vagrants or beggars.
Koinoniphobia – Funny fear of rooms.
Leprophobia or Lepraphobia – Panic of catching leprosy.
Levophobia – Fear of things to the left side of the body.Strange Phobias
Linonophobia – Strange phobia of string.
Logophobia – Fear of words.
Lutraphobia – Phobia of otters.
Melophobia – Fear of music
Nosocomephobia – Dread of hospitals.
Panophobia or Pantophobia – Fear of everything.
Extra one for luck: Phobophobia – The fear of developing a phobia, which, we suppose, sums it all up.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.  Mahatma Gandhi

That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key. Elizabeth Wurtzel

In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact. Les Brown

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily. Napoleon Bonaparte

Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become. C. S. Lewis

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

‘Doctor O’Hara,’ Ranjit pleaded, ‘I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I’m going crazy.’

‘Just put yourself in my hands for two years,’ said Dr O’Hara, the psychiatrist, ‘Come and see me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.’

‘How much do you charge?’ 

‘A hundred dollars per visit.’

‘In that case, I’ll sleep on it,’ answered Ranjit.

Six months later the doctor met Ranjit in the street.

‘Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?’ asked the psychiatrist. 

‘For a hundred buck’s a visit?  A bartender cured me for ten dollars,’ smiled Ranjit

‘Is that so! How?’ 

‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed.’ 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I’m a god. I’m not *the* God… I don’t think.” 

Answer: Groundhog Day! Said by Phil to Rita after he discovers he can kill himself one day and still come back the next. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “It’s got a harness, it’s domesticated.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his window, breaking it. 
Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighborhood kids who were brothers run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson. 
The next day Holmes got a note on his door that read “? Crimson. He broke your window.” 
Which of the three Crimson brothers should Sherlock Holmes question about the incident? 
 
ANSWER: Mark Crimson. “?” = question MARK, so the note on the door reads “Question Mark Crimson. He broke your window.” 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

Can you decipher this rebus:
M1y 1Li1f1e
 
  
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ EmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji