Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, August 15, 2017.         
Signs of the times……
SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE: “We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.”
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck: “Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”
At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter, and healthier
– and people who live in trees make more cookies.” -Seth Meyers
“Wal-Mart is testing out an app that would allow shoppers to skip the checkout line.
Currently that service is known as shoplifting.” -Conan O’Brien
“Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they’ve gone natural. I first assumed that natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. I don’t get it. I was not aware, first of all, that a packet of orange dust was a technically a recipe.” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.
In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, “Vat sims to be ze problem?”
Harvey says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go ‘tick-tocktick -tock’ anymore. Now it just goes ‘tick…tick…tick.'”
The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit.
He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.
He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice, “Ve haf vays of making you tock!” 😎

 

   

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“I don’t shut up, I grow up and when I look at you I throw up.”
ANSWER: Stand By Me! Gordie tells the group to ‘shut up’, and in unison Vern,
Chris and Teddy reply with their cute little quote that everyone’s heard.

I liked the story line, and the friendships between the guys that Gordie remembers and talks about.
I don’t know how many of you used to say this to your friends or family members, but I know I did!
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “Where do you live?”
“In the city.”
“You have a house?”
“Apartment.”
“Own or rent?”
“Rent.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“Lots of things.”
“Where’s your office?”
“I don’t have one.”
“How come?”
“I don’t need one.”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“How come?”
“It’s a long story.”
“You have kids?”
“No I don’t.”
“How come?”
“It’s an even longer story.”
“Are you my Dad’s brother?”
“What’s your record for consecutive questions asked?”
“38.”
“I’m your Dad’s brother alright.”
“You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.”
“How nice of you to notice.”
“I’m a kid – that’s my job.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
Fill in the words that are empty by using words that will connect with the previous one.
EXAMPLE: Towel, Rack. (You have the words Towel and Rack, but when put together it becomes “Towel rack”.)
Try to connect tool to chain.
Tool
B_ _
C_ _
K_ _
Chain
ANSWER: Tool  Box  Car  Key  Chain 
 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    
Can you decipher this phrase:
1) Rib
2) Rib <—
3) Rib <—
4) Rib
5) Rib <—
6) Rib
7) Rib <—
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, August 11, 2017.        
REALLY BAD PUNOGRAPHY……
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis
I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!
Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.
What is the name of an Asian pilot who died in a plane crash? Sum Ting Wong.
I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
What’s the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
1. Any idiot can face a crisis – its the day to day living that wears you out.
2. Everything has been figured out. Except how to live.
3. Life is like a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can spend it only once.
4. Be nice to people on your way up, because you will need them on your way down.
5. Hope life is not a big joke, because I do not get it.
6. Life is like a taxi, the meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or standing still.
7. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment
8. Life isn’t worth living unless you’re willing to take some big chances and go for broke
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that
over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” 😐

   

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Shop smart, shop S-mart!”
ANSWER: Army Of Darkness! Ash says this as he is standing on the counter of the store he works in holding his gun. If you haven’t seen this movie, I highly suggest it for a good laugh 🙂
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“They used to call me Crazy Joe. Well now they can call me Batman!”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….   
Mice are famous for their ability to multiply at breakneck speeds. The type of mouse we have here gives birth once a month, birthing 12 babies each time. Baby mice mature and can give birth two months after they are born.
You picked up one of these cute baby mice at the pet shop and brought it home the day
after it was born. In 10 months from now, how many mice will you have?
ANSWER: One. The mouse cannot birth any babies by itself.😁
 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….    
Four brothers make this royal band,
Mixed and handed out from stacks,
Three with sword and one with axe,
A strong force when held by one hand.
What does this refer to?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 9, 2017.       
Really Bad Analogies…. 
Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.
The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
She was sending me mixed signals like a dyslexic third-base coach.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.”
–Steven Wright
“Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.”
–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“There is no such thing as ‘fun for the whole family.'”
–Jerry Seinfeld
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Penny was a hard working, conscientious girl, who lived on her own. Her dream in life was to go on an ocean cruise around the world. So she scrimped, and she saved, and she saved, and she scrimped until finally, one day, she had enough money to go on her ocean cruise. She booked passage on a cruise liner – first class all the way… The cruise started off in a grandiose scale, dancing and parties every night. But Penny was a cautious girl, so she never drank, but just danced the night away.
One night, after they had been at sea for a week, Penny was walking back to her cabin, when the heel on her left shoe broke throwing her off balance. If that wasn’t enough, the ship chose that moment to tilt to the left. As a result, Penny was thrown overboard. A hue and a cry were immediately raised, and after about five minutes they found Penny. Hauling her aboard, the ship’s crew realized that it was too late, poor Penny was dead.
Normally, they would have done a burial at sea, but as I said before, Penny was a very conscientious girl, and had written a will. In it, she specified that she wished for her body to be cremated, and kept in a jar on her parent’s fireplace mantel. Her wishes were fulfilled, which just goes to show you that a Penny saved is a Penny urned.😐
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and
I am PISSED OFF! I could be very dangerous to all of you! And you should know that about me… I am THE ENEMY!”
ANSWER: Almost Famous! William is in one of the many hotels that he stays at with the band, and is talking to the ‘bandaids’ who decided to tell him that he is a sweet boy.

Interesting little tid-bit about this movie, the lead singer from Red House Painters plays the bass guitar for the band Stillwater.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“How do we seem to you? Do you find us beautiful, magical? Our white skin, our fierce eyes? “Drink” you ask me, do you have any idea of the thing you will become?”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….   
There is a word in the English dictionary that has 3 double letters in a row.
What is it?
ANSWER: Bookkeeper!

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….    
I was on a road trip with a friend when we drove past a very tall radio tower. I told my friend “That thing has to be at least a thousand feet tall!” He looked out the window for a moment, and said “I’ll bet it’s closer to 1500 feet.” We stopped at a gas station and asked how tall the tower was, and it was exactly 1500 feet tall! Now that I owe my friend a steak dinner, how could he tell how tall the tower was?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, August 7, 2017.     
Favorite Police Emergency Calls: 
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“A five-year-old girl who ran a lemonade stand in London was fined $195 for not having
the proper trading permit. See, this is why I make my kids open their lemonade stands
offshore on the Cayman Islands.” -James Corden
“According to Vanity Fair, the Queen of England has four alcoholic beverages every day,
including a glass of champagne before bed. Champagne before bed? Who does she
think she is, herself?” -Seth Meyers
“A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because of his eyes,
nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?” No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”
“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”😐

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 “Let me out, let me out, let me out!” “Let me in, let me in, let me in!”
ANSWER: The Lion King! A friend of mine said this quote not too long ago, and it took us forever to think of the movie that it was from. This was right after Timone and Pumba distracted the heyenas for Simba. Timon went running into the cave where Zazu was locked behind bones. Timon wanted in to the cage to hide, and Zazu wanted out of the cage to get away.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Blinkin! What are you doing up there?” “Guessing. I guess no one is coming.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed to form another word that is the answer to this teaser:
SENHA – Take letters 1 & 2
HSAET – Take letters 1 & 5
ZPIRE – Take letters 1 & 3
RYPA – Take letters 1 & 2
Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?
ANSWER: SENHA Take letters 1 & 2 – ASHEN – A & S   HSAET Take letters 1 & 5 – HASTE – H & E  ZPIRE Take letters 1 & 3 – PRIZE – P & I

RYPA Take letters 1 & 2 – PRAY – P & R
Unscramble the above to get ‘Sapphire’.  The sapphire is a beautiful gemstone that is
available in all the colors of the sky. Though primarily available in blue, it also comes in
different hues of the sky like pink, orange and purple associated with sunset.
Sapphire is mostly associated with sympathy and harmony.

Monday’s Quizzler is……….    
I, Professor Picanumba, will amaze and astound you. Take a piece of paper and
write any word on it. Fold the paper in half twice, and put it on the floor.
Now stand on it. Believe it or not, I will now tell you what is on the paper.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO RESIDENT PURE GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙌🙇🙌🙇🙌🙏
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to the Tuesday, July 25, 2017.                           
Notes from the Book of Life…… 
 
Wrinkles don’t hurt.
Laughing is good exercise – it’s like jogging on the inside.
No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is won’t make you cry.
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one,
so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
Don’t cry because it is over; smile because it happened.
There’s always going to be people that hurt you, so what you have to do is keep on
trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.
Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
Don’t wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
A new report says 60 percent of teenagers don’t have even a basic knowledge of finances. Although in fairness, I’m 38 and I just found out this year that a 401(k) is NOT a type of marathon.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk claims he has gotten verbal approval to connect New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington with a high-speed train that runs in an airless tube. While the New York City subway just introduced brand-new rotary phones.” -Seth Meyers
“A new study from the University of Sussex found that horses can recognize human emotions based on our facial expressions. Yet another reason you should never play poker with a horse — and they never pitch in for the pizza.” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.
“The day before I die, I’d like to sell every piece we’ve got just to see how much it’s all worth.”
“But you couldn’t possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it.”
“Simple… If I sell it, my wife would kill me!
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“People are going to get hurt, aren’t they?” “Wha? Naaaa! Well, I mean it’s a *possibility*,
it’s *war*, but hey, you don’t care about those people!”
ANSWER: Hercules! Starring Tate Donovan (Hercules), James Woods (Hades), and Susan Egan (Meg). Hades says this to Hercules before stripping him of his strength.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “When I introduce you, and I tell them who you are, I don’t think anyone will stay for dinner.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
“Me” belongs, “you” doesn’t.
“Doe” belongs, “deer” doesn’t.
“Sew” belongs, “knit” doesn’t.
Which of the following belong?
Ray, close, jam, tea, far, sun.
ANSWER: Ray, tea, and far belong.

The group is made up of words that sound like the musical notes, as they appear in the popular song.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    
There are five doors, one leads to the exit, the others lead to traps. They are in a line. The clues tell you which position the doors are in the line and where the door to freedom is. All the clues are true. Each door has a clue written on it. The clues read:
The blue door: This door is two spots away from the door to freedom.
The red door: This door is at the far right, and is two spots away from the blue door.
The purple door: This door is not next to the door to freedom.
The green door: This door is left of the blue door.
The orange door: This door is not next to the red or blue doors.
Which door leads to freedom?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to the Monday, July 24, 2017.                           
Here’s the story…………..  
Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody,
Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.
Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that
Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that
Nobody would do it.
So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what
Anybody could have done in the first place.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
“Police in Florida are searching for someone who stole 360,000 nickels during a
house party. Police believe the suspect is almost to the end of the street.” -Seth Meyers
“A man set a new world record after kicking himself in the head 134 times in
one minute. He broke the previous record of zero.” -Conan O’Brien
“A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours  of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, “I don’t know about this. We’ve been out here all day and  haven’t caught a single duck. Do you think we’re doing something wrong?”
“I don’t know,” replied the other. “Maybe we’re not throwing the dog high enough.”😐
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Did we hit that little boy over on 6th avenue?” “No we missed him by a good foot and a half.”
ANSWER: The Inlaws! Starring Peter Falk (Vince), Ed Begley Jr. (Barry) and Alan Arkin (Sheldon). These lines are exchanged by Vince and Sheldon on the way to Vince’s office in the taxi cab.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“People are going to get hurt, aren’t they?” “Wha? Naaaa! Well, I mean it’s a *possibility*,
it’s *war*, but hey, you don’t care about those people!”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
In Flanders fields, where once was blood,
From battles for so few yards of mud,
I woke from such slumber deep,
And mocked the blood the havoc wreaked.
But now I show our future hope,
And enable veterans to cope,
By provoking memories of blood,
Before new battlefields can flood.
What am I?
ANSWER: The poppy. The poppy became a symbol of remembrance for the victims of war. This is due to the war poem ‘In Flanders Fields’, written in 1915 by John McCrae, a Canadian military physician, (the title of which is mentioned in the first line of the teaser). Poppy seeds can lay dormant, deep in the soil for hundreds of years, but the violent shelling, on the Western Front during the First World War, would have unearthed them. This led to the blood and bodies being watched over by tall red flowers, dancing in the wind.  The artificial poppies sold today, to raise money for war veterans, were the idea of Madame Guerin, a Frenchwoman, mentioned in the title. Other colours of poppy are now sold as well as the original red, normally as a statement of peaceful

resolution to conflict. However, it is predominantly Madame Guerin’s poppy seen across much of the World and in military cemeteries.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….    
“Me” belongs, “you” doesn’t.
“Doe” belongs, “deer” doesn’t.
“Sew” belongs, “knit” doesn’t.
Which of the following belong?
Ray, close, jam, tea, far, sun.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, July 20, 2017.   
What Women Say (And What They Mean)
 
ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.
FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of “those” arguments.
FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
NOTHING: This means “something” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and will end with the word “Fine”.
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine”, and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over “Nothing”.
SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sigh” means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT’S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say “you’re welcome”.
THANKS A LOT: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh” as she will only tell you “Nothing”.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
“China reportedly scrubbed the images of Winnie the Pooh from social media over the weekend,
after users compared the character to their president. Though it seems like it would just be easier
to just get their president to put some pants on.” -Seth Meyers
“A new study found that people with a lot of phobias are more likely to have health problems.
Or as those people put it, ‘I was afraid of that.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“The number of shark attacks around the world increased by 25 percent. With the economy
like it is, more and more sharks are turning to crime.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks a little odd, so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.
Husband: What’s up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid.
Husband: Well, don’t you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, you saw the baby had pooped
his diaper. Then you said: Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here. So I went inside,
got a clean one and left the messy one there.😐😱😐
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Truth is, I help horses with people problems.”
ANSWER: The Horse Whisperer! Starring Robert Redford (Tom), Kirsten Scott Thomas (Annie),
and Scarlett Johansson (Grace). When first introduced to Annie and Grace, Tom says this about his job.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Maybe there won’t be marriage, maybe there won’t be sex, but by God there’ll be dancing!”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
In this teaser you are to try and discover the quotation concealed in the lines. The quote has
been broken up into two-letter fragments. Furthermore, I have removed any punctuation and
jumbled the two-letter fragments about so the word order has been disarranged. You have to
rearrange the quotation and decide where the words begin and where they end. Good luck!
he fo ay od if et ve pl on of mu si cb lo
ANSWER: If music be the food of love, play on.  Shakespeare, (Twelfth Night)
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….    
In each sentence a word is concealed, such as the word no in sentence five. If you can find the buried words and read them in order from 1 to 6, they will form a well-known proverb.
1.The word buried here has only one letter.
2.Did you find a jelly roll in Gaskin’s Bakery?
3.It’s the best one I’ve ever seen.
4.The rug at her stairway was made in India.
5.He’s an old friend.
6.Amos sold his bicycle to a friend.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/