Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

f2e715213325efa4fd3d1d49b026175c--stupid-people-memes-funny-animal-pictures.jpg5555
WELCOME to Friday, September 8, 2017.     
Here’s the story…………. 
I had just stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work
and I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29.
The drive-through cashier said “that’ll be $4.83, please drive forward.”
“$4.83? For a $4.29 meal? That’s 54 cents tax! That can’t be right,” my mind raced. Tax is 8 cents on the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I’d heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. So I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me.
Let’s see … 483/429 … over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said, “$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can’t be right. Can I talk to the manager?” She gave me my change and called the manager.
The manager comes over and I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that’s over 12 percent sales tax.
She said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change.
“HA!” I thought to myself. “Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me.”
I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off without my food.😐
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES...
“Labor Day, in case you don’t know history, was established all the way back in
1894 as a way to give Americans an extra day to dread going back to work after the weekend.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish
in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Nintendo recently announced that its character Mario is no longer a plumber.
Apparently, he was fired after coming to work on mushrooms.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
One morning, I was roaming the aisles of my local supermarket, looking for items on my shopping list and wondering why the graham crackers aren’t ever put in the cracker section. In my futile search, I kept running into a guy I’d never seen before. He was wandering up and down the aisles, with an equally lost look on his face.
Somewhere between the pasta and sauces, he looked up at me and said, “I can’t find a darned thing in this store!” I knew how he felt, so I asked, “What is it you’re looking for?”
He said, “My wife.”😎
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘I live my life like a French movie.’
ANSWER: Singles! Bailey tells this to Steve on their way to the club after showing
him that he can store numbers in his watch.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘You’re never gonna be Jello!’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….  
I am a chemical symbol for an element.
This element was discovered in 1824.
I am a Spanish word without the accent.
Reverse me so I become a form of a common verb.
What symbol am I?
ANSWER: Si. (silicon) Silicon was discovered in 1824. “Si” with an accent means “yes” in Spanish. Reverse it to become “is”, which is a form of the verb “be”.
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.
1. Head and shoulders sculpture -> Large vehicle
2. Vision -> Audibly let out breath from sorrow
3. Idea; mental process -> However
4. Unable to remember -> Create by hammering; counterfeit
5. Something that happens -> Level; balanced
6. Portion; divide -> Average or normal amount
7. Light hit in golf -> Place in a location
8. Light hit in baseball -> Small bread loaf
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
Advertisements

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

c0f3339bc2bb8f8ad939c5364cf54d42
WELCOME to Friday, September 8, 2017.                 
The Worst Streets in America..
We can’t all live on a street with a pleasant name like Oak or Elm.
Here are the least popular street names (that we hope don’t exist):
• Drinkand Dr.
• Vicious Circle
• West 943,185th Street
• Psycho Path
• Peoples Ct.
• Nofriggin Way
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
“Stupidity isn’t punishable by death. If it was, there would be a hell of a population drop.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton, The Laughing Corpse
“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he
unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.”
― Bertrand Russell, A History of Western Philosophy
“We keep on being told that religion, whatever its imperfections, at least instills morality. On every side, there is conclusive evidence that the contrary is the case and that faith causes people to be more mean, more selfish, and perhaps above all, more stupid.” ― Christopher Hitchens
It’s too bad that stupidity isn’t painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable.  ― Anton Szandor LaVey
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
We had to have our garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our
problems was that we did not have a large enough motor on the opener. I thought for
a minute and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.”
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, “NO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.”
We haven’t used Sears repair since.😐

  

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘I’m sorry. If you were right I would agree with you.’
ANSWER: Awakenings! Robin William’s character says this upon finding out no one
really has faith in him or what he’s doing, or something to that effect.  
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘I live my life like a French movie.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
See if you can figure out these words using the clues listed below. Each word ends
with “BOARD”. Please note that numbers 4 and 5 are two separate words. Have fun!
1) Used with telephones
2) A place to advertise
3) Right-side of ship
4) Found around water
5) Old-time cars had two
6) Computers need them
7) College professor’s headgear
8) Used in the Old West
ANSWER: 1) Switchboard  2) Billboard  3) Starboard  4) Diving Board  5) Running Board

6) Keyboard  7) Mortarboard  8) Buckboard
Friday’s Quizzler is……….    

I am a chemical symbol for an element.
This element was discovered in 1824.
I am a Spanish word without the accent.
Reverse me so I become a form of a common verb.
What symbol am I?
 TODAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙌🙏🙏🙏🙏🙌
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

austin-powers-labor-day
WELCOME to Thursday, September 7, 2017.                
Funny Legal Definitions:
Affidavit –Davit is first in line. You’re second.
Assault – usually paired with a pepper
Bribe – married to a Groom
Caveat emptor – time to fill up the caveat
Contempt – offering candy to a prison inmate
Contract – acreage owned by a prisoner
Defamation – advice from someone who is hearing impaired
Ex parte – My former husband is a party animal.
Hung jury – Those guys are studs!
Malpractice – what Mal, the doctor, does
Miranda warning – Stay off your porch!
Misdemeanor – daughter of Mr. Demeanor
Mistrial – when you oversleep and are late to court
Oath – what we feed the horsey
Order in the Court – See what the judge will have.
Paralegals – two attorneys
Parole – the way your dad should act
Plaintiff – not a fancy fight
Probate – stuff that really catches fish
Pro bono – when you prefer Sonny over Cher
Rescind – what you do when your first email doesn’t go through
Retainer – Hire her now!
Statutes – created by artists
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
“According to a new survey, about half of the world thinks kissing is gross.
That half is known as ‘married people.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A man set a new world record after kicking himself in the head 134 times in
one minute. He broke the previous record of zero.” -Conan O’Brien
“A winery in France is currently facing a rose shortage. For those of you not
familiar with these terms, a winery is a group of women who have run out of rose.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a young woman standing next to him smiling.
Noticing the rather distinct bulge she asked, “What do you have in your pocket?”
“Tennis ball,” the man said, smiling back.
“Wow!” said the woman looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was terrible!”😐

  

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘Two permits do not equal a license!’
ANSWER: Clueless! Cher’s dad tells her this after telling her she’s not supposed to drive anywhere. 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘I’m sorry. If you were right I would agree with you.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Can you identify what phrase is represented here?
nasmetofolopve
ANSWER: na S me T of O lo P ve = Stop, in the name of love!

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….    

See if you can figure out these words using the clues listed below. Each word ends with “BOARD”. Please note that numbers 4 and 5 are two separate words. Have fun!
1) Used with telephones
2) A place to advertise
3) Right-side of ship
4) Found around water
5) Old-time cars had two
6) Computers need them
7) College professor’s headgear
8) Used in the Old West
 TODAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙌🙏
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

aa46f6603dab0102480714cba6ff5af8--wednesday-memes-wacky-wednesday
WELCOME to Wednesday, September 6, 2017.               
Top 10 Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie…
1. We know where you live.
2. You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes.
3. Everyone’s meal today is on you!
4. The “special sauce” came from the floor!
5. Guess what our special “drop” was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal!
6. Your colon will self destruct in five seconds.
7. A recent prison escapee that is sitting near by wants to love you long time.
8. Your dog Sparky…he’s no longer missing.
9. See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies.
10. MSG? NO!! Swine Flu….maybe
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.”
–Rodney Dangerfield
“Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.”
–Mark Twain
“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
–Yogi Berra
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote
“this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give
his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and
might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.😱

  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘So I’m single now, everything’s changed. . . I hate it!’
ANSWER: Say Anything! Corey says this after the graduation party when they are getting ready to leave. 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘Two permits do not equal a license!’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Mischievous Casey is delighted when people write her name incorrectly. She sounds so sincere as she very carefully spells it out: “C for chaos, A for arpeggio, S for scenery, E for empty, Y for ____.”
Which of the following words is she most likely to select to help with ‘Y’?
Young
Youth
Yacht
Yikes!
Yahoo!
ANSWER: Youth! All her choices of “helpful” words sound as if they begin with another letter – K-os, R-peggio, C-nery, M-pty … and so, U-th!

Although technically correct, it confuses people, and they often make mistakes!
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….    

Can you identify what phrase is represented here?
nasmetofolopve
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

532b79d9b8a19
WELCOME to Tuesday, September 5, 2017.              
Helpful Guide to Female Golfing Terms…
Caddy: 2 women talking about a 3rd, who isn’t there to defend herself.
Chip: Time to get our nails done again.
Double Bogie: ‘Casablanca’ followed by ‘African Queen’.
Fairway: Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
Good lie: Weight on our driver’s license.
Greens: Lunch we eat when you’d really prefer a cheeseburger.
Iron: What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
Rough: Getting a guy to understand, well, pretty much anything.
Slice: No thanks … just a small portion.
Par: The children’s grandfather.
Birdie: Another attractive female golfer.
Wood: Where you can find a ball.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
When our ship stopped in the Atlantic Ocean for a ‘swim call,’ the chief boatswain noticed how nervous I was. “Don’t worry,” he assured me. “You are never more than three miles from land.” Then he added, “Straight down.”
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed “FOR SALE BY OWNER” signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. “How much do you want for the trees?” a young man asked. 😐
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: “There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year.”
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I get away with it?”😐😱

  

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘What about it pretzel man, what’s your story?’
ANSWER: The Usual Suspects! Hockney says this to Verbal when they are all locked
up in the jail cell trying to figure out who hijacked the truck.   
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘So I’m single now, everything’s changed. . . I hate it!’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
I am a solitary word, 5 letters long.
Behead me, and I am still the same.
Behead me again, and I am still the same.
What word am I?😎
ANSWER: Alone.

Behead me and I am Lone.
Behead me again and I am One.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    

Mischievous Casey is delighted when people write her name incorrectly. She sounds so sincere as she very carefully spells it out: “C for chaos, A for arpeggio, S for scenery, E for empty, Y for ____.”
Which of the following words is she most likely to select to help with ‘Y’?
Young
Youth
Yacht
Yikes!
Yahoo!
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

72e252f290ddd3d55266500f3fb6bc79--monday-again-its-monday
WELCOME to Monday, September 4, 2017.            
Monday’s Pondering….
Why do they put a suicide watch on certain death row prisoners?
Would you care if a man you’re planning to kill, kills himself? Does it spoil the fun?
What clinic did Betty Ford go to?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?
If your in a vehicle going the speed of light. What happens when you turn on the headlights?
How come people offer a penny for your thoughts, when everyone wants to put their two cents in?
Doesn’t reckless and reckful mean the same thing?
I don’t get it, I saw a bumper sticker that said “Honk if you love peace and quiet”
If the Super bowl cut out the commercials, would people still watch?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Why do people try to get a front row parking spot at health lodges, when they go there to exercise?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.
Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA – I came, I saw, I shopped.
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Clones are people two.
Go ahead and take risks卝ust be sure that everything will turnout OK.
Strange! No one ever says, “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
As I said before, I never repeat myself!
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Think “Honk” if you’re telepathic.
Why there’s no butter in buttermilk, no egg in eggplant, no grapes in a grapefruit, neither peas or nuts in peanuts, and no ham in a hamburger?
If a firefighter fights fires, what does a freedom fighter fight?
If pro and con are opposites, is Congress the opposite of progress?
How can your house can simultaneously burn up and burn down?
How can you fill out a form by filling it in, or why you add up a column of figures by adding them down?
How come your nose runs and your feet smell.
Why is it that a slim chance and a fat chance can mean the same thing, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites.
Why is it called a hot water heater厀ho heats hot water?
Who called it daylight savings time when not a single second of daylight is saved?
Why do we call it a freeway when it costs over a million dollars a mile?
Why is it called rush hour when nobody’s going anywhere?
Why is it that a non-stop flight eventually stops?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
“This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S. They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A study found that many types of head lice have mutated and now have become resistant to over-the-counter treatments. The problem has scientists scratching their heads.” -Conan O’Brien
“The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it’s a little frustrating when you try to text, ‘Burglar! Please hurry!,’ and it auto-corrects to, ‘Burger, please. Hungry.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, “What rotten luck I’ve had today! What in the world should I do now?”
A man standing next to her suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?”
He walks away, but moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and when 36 came up she just fainted!”😎

  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘You’ve reached the winter of our discontent.’
ANSWER: Reality Bites! Troy says this when he answers the phone. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘What about it pretzel man, what’s your story?’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
Which one of the following does not belong with the others?
Binoculars, eyeglasses, goggles, handlebars, jeans, pliers, scissors, shoes, tweezers
ANSWER: The word “shoes” is the only “pair” that actually has 2 separate pieces.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….    

I am a solitary word, 5 letters long.
Behead me, and I am still the same.
Behead me again, and I am still the same.
What word am I?😎
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

19zfnc
WELCOME to Friday, September 1, 2017.            
 Weekend Pondering…..
Don`t think that you`re thinking. If you think that you’re thinking you only think that you’re thinking.
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
If a train station is where a train stops, what is a workstation?
Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not adoor?
Ever wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?
If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?
Being rich and it don’t mean so much . Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. Wouldnt a good response be to write . . . A Good Doctor!
Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
Did Adam ever said to Eve, “Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!”
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Everyone has a photographic memory. But some folks don’t have film.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. 😐
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
1. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life
2. Divorce – the past tense of marriage.
3. A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
4. A man does not know what happiness is, until he is married. By then it is too late.
5. Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
6. Why get married and make one miserable, when I can stay single and make thousands miserable.
7. Successful marriage depends on two things – finding the right person and being the right person.
8. Love may be blind but marriage is an eye opener.
9. Man is better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner
10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
11. My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. “Correct,” said the chief. “How did you figure it out?” The warrior answered, “It’s elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.”😐

  

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘I love this mansion though it’s too many windows. . . to open half-way each morning, to close half-way each night.’
ANSWER: The Basketball Diaries! This is a voice-over said by Jim when he’s writing in his journal.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
  ‘You’ve reached the winter of our discontent.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….   
What phrase is this?  itsits diediediedie
ANSWER: It’s to die for! itsits = its two = it’s to  diediediedie = die four = die for
This idiom refers to something that is greatly desired.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….    

Which one of the following does not belong with the others?
Binoculars, eyeglasses, goggles, handlebars, jeans, pliers, scissors, shoes, tweezers
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/