Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

losing-teeth

WELCOME to Tuesday, May 3, 2016.  

Still Pondering…………. 

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs? 

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting? 

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”? 

Why Isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food? 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“In Venezuela the president announced today that they are moving to a two-day workweek. And this news is incredible because not only does a two-day workweek sound amazing, but it makes for the perfect amount of office small talk. Like, day one: ‘How was your weekend?’ Day two: ‘Any big plans for the weekend?'” -James Corden 

“A JetBlue pilot had to appear in court today after being caught flying into New York’s Kennedy Airport while drunk. Apparently he kept turning on the cabin intercom to tell the passengers how much he loved them.” -Seth Meyers

“We have less than 100 days to go until the summer Olympics. It’s less than 100 days until people at home in sweatpants eating potato chips are like, ‘I could do that.'” -Jimmy Fallon  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 

 My sister didn’t do as well on her driver’s ed test as she’d hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence: “When the ___ is dead, the car won’t start.”

She wrote: “Driver.”Emoji  

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Me? I’m scared of everything! I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you!’ 

Answer: Dirty Dancing! Baby’s emotional response when Johnny comments that she’s not scared of anything.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘It’s only love. What’s everyone so scared of?’  

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”)

1. hair-control foam

2. very exposed

3. tellin’ falsities

4. a lamenting cry

5. a dull person

6. a precious or loved one

7. first you get a parking ticket, then you get this

8. these make up a chain  

ANSWER:  1.Moose (Mousse)  2. Bear (Bare)  3. Lion (Lyin’) 4. Whale (Wail)  5. Boar (Bore)  6. Deer (Dear)  7. Toad (Towed)

8. Lynx (Links) 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Ms. Arroyo asked the class to see if they could find the sum of the first 50 odd numbers. As everyone settled down to their addition, Terry ran to her and said, “The sum is 2,500.” Ms. Arroyo thought, “Lucky guess,” and gave him the task of finding the sum of the first 75 odd numbers. Within 20 seconds, Terry was back with the correct answer of 5,625.

How does Terry find the sum so quickly?

 

  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  Emoji EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

3e628fec172fc4dcedcca295f04a43c6WELCOME to Wednesday, December 2, 2015.  

Thought Provoking Statements….. 

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.  –Benjamin Franklin 

“Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” –Leslie Nielsen 

“One person with a belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only interests.” –John Stuart Mill  

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 My sister and I were out on the town one night when we ran into a man I knew. “You’re sisters?” he asked incredulously. “You look nothing alike.

Pointing to her nose and my chin, my sister said, “Different plastic surgeons.” 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘With friends like you, who needs friends?’

Answer: Rushmore! Wes Anderson’s second movie.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her, and after half an hour I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.’

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

I’m powerful enough to clean most anything,

Yet gentle enough to eat.

I’m used to make an explosion of sorts,

Yet can be found at millions of stores worldwide.

I can kill grass,

And even tenderize your meat.

I can clean up even the smelliest stench,

and soften your fabrics.

What am I?  

ANSWER: Baking Soda.  

It is used for a variety of cleaning.

It is a common ingredient in many baked foods. 

It can react with vinegar to form an “explosion”. (Typically used in a “Baking Soda Volcano”).

It can be purchased at many stores around the world.  

Baking soda can be used to kill crab grass.

It can speed up the tenderizing process of meat in stew.

It is used to remove odor in fabrics.

It is also used as a fabric softener.

The typo in the title is on purpose. “NaHCO3” is the chemical name for Baking Soda. Looks similar to “nacho”, doesn’t it? 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed:

EQUEU Take letters 1,4 and 5

YMRRA Take letters 1,2 and 3

IELAN Take letters 1,3 and 5

CBA Take letter 2

Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?

 
 
 
                         

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT SOLVING BANKS! 

EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji EmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

  

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, October 26, 2015.   

Today’s Pondering…… 

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Why do they report power outages on TV? 

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11? 

I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver’s side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.

After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?

This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulance or a firetruck.

I went out today and bought everything I’ve been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.

The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.

I really feel sorry for Madonna’s baby, having to grow without a last name.

Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?

The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“This week was Earth Science week. It’s the week you have to celebrate if you aren’t smart enough for bio or chemistry week.” -Seth Meyers 

“New research shows that China has a bigger middle class than America, and more people in China are living what we would call the ‘American Dream.’ That’s when you know things are bad – when even the American DREAM is made in China.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A high school student hacked the AOL email account of John Brennan, the director of the CIA. In other words, the student correctly guessed that the password of anyone still using AOL is ‘password.'” –Conan O’Brien  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low-cut blouses.

Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they have never been there before. 

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “There isn’t any magic.”  

Answer: Martin! Not really one of my favorites, but it was so quirky, I had to mention it. Martin says this to his uncle who is convinced he is a real, Dracula-type vampire, but Martin knows he is just a sick kid who likes to drink blood.   

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I want no quarrel with him.” “No, no, it’s already begun!”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

I have two arms and a back,

Supported by four legs.

But there is something I do lack,

Actually, I have no eyes to see.

I also cannot move around,

Or at least, not on my own.

Unfortunately I can make no sound,

Except perhaps a squeak.

If you chop off my head,

You are left with a hair.

If you chop off my tail,

Only tea is left there.

One more clue I will add,

Is that you often use me.

Yet you barely ever notice,

In fact I’d much rather be a tree. 

What am I?  

ANSWER: A Chair. If you chop off the first letter, you are left with “hair”.  

If you chop off the last letter, you are left with “chai”. 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.

2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.

3. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.         

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday, October 2, 2015.   

Pondering………. 

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, does it make a sound?

A single fact can spoil a good argument.

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.

Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we’re already there? 

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 

If you yelled at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure? 

Is there another word for synonym? 

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

 

QUOTES FOR THE WEEKEND….     

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. Mark Twain

If people knew how hard I worked at my art, they would not consider me a genius. Michelangelo

Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration. Thomas Edison

Always do right — this will gratify some and astonish the rest. Mark Twain

Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way . . . you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions. Aristotle

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas Edison

To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, “Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss.”

So the man agreed and made his first wish. “I want lots of money”, he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man’s bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss’ account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss’ house appeared two of each car.

Finally the genie said, “This is your last wish, you should choose carefully”, and so the man replied… “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney…”   

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Are you trying to get a rise out of me, Inspector?’ 

Answer:  The Usual Suspects! One of the lesser-known lines spoken by Kevin Spacey in this film. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I just love to watch him go.’ 

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Four legs have I, a sturdy fellow

A fuzzy back that isn’t yellow

But (often) green or (rarely) red

A den is where I make my bed

My keepers feed me coloured balls

With sticks they store on my den walls

Sometimes I store them in my pouch

Sometimes deep in my belly; ouch! 

That’s when you’ll see me acting strange

Instead of balls, I’ll eat your change

And that’s my cue to feed again

Chalk it up to hunger, friend!  

ANSWER: A billiard (pool) table. They have four sturdy legs and a green, fuzzy playing surface (snooker tables are sometimes red). Privately owned tables are often kept in the den (family room), and the cues are usually stored in a wall rack. Private tables simply have pouches beneath the pockets to catch the balls; coin-operated tables store the balls inside the table. To play again, you need to insert more coins. Note the use of “cue” and “chalk”; two essential billiard elements!  

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

For each of the pairs of words below, insert a word in the blank space between them to form two separate words such that the inserted word finishes the first word and begins the second. For example, given “MAN ____ ON”, you would insert the word “GO” to form “MANGO” and “GOON”. The hint gives the number of letters in each of the words that must be inserted. 

BOW ____ AGE

GENE ____ KING

LAND ____ GOAT

DIG ____ SELF

PAR ____ ATE

 

 

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE SOLVING WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji Emoji

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com.

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, September 23, 2015.   

Thought Provoking Statements…………..

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY      

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” 

–Yogi Berra 

“If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.” 

–Samuel Goldwyn 

“A good listener is usually thinking about something else.” 

–Kin Hubbard  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed–driving his partner nuts. 

Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!” 

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.” 

“Forget it, man, you’ll never hit her from here!” Emoji

  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Maybe he took it while you were putting your clothes back on, dear.’ 

Answer:  Titanic! One of the few decent lines Cal gets in the movie.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘You call yourself a patriot, and loyal subject to the crown?’

‘I don’t call myself subject to much at all.’

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Four of us are in your field

But our differences keep us at yield

First, a one that is no fool

Though he resembles a gardener’s tool

Next, one difficult to split in two

And a girl once had one as big as her shoe

Then, to the mind, one’s a lovely bonder

And truancy makes it grow fonder

Last, a stem connecting dots of three

Knowing all this, what are we?

  

ANSWER: The Four Suits in a Deck of Standard Playing Cards

The Spade is a gardener’s tool.

The Diamond is the hardest gem to break. “Little Girl and Queen” is a Mother Goose rhyme, in which the Queen gave the girl a large diamond for picking the Queen some roses.

The Heart bonds with the mind to form “love.” “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

The Club, or Clover, is three dots connected around a stem.  

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Here are some well-known expressions rewritten into “Cliff-ese”. For those of you who don’t know what that means, he was a very wordy person on the TV show “Cheers” and never used a small word where a larger one would work. Try to figure out the phrases in simpler terms. 

1. To place a primitive agricultural conveyance in a position anterior to the animal Equus caballus.

2. It requires a number of people greater than one to perform a terpsichorean series of low dips and twisting steps on the toes. 

3. To accumulate an excess of temperature beneath a circular, tight-fitting clothing component. 

4. Emanating from a culinary vessel into a site of pyrogenic activity.

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.orgwww.GodLovesPraise.com