WELCOME to Tuesday, May 3, 2016.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray!
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
Why Isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“In Venezuela the president announced today that they are moving to a two-day workweek. And this news is incredible because not only does a two-day workweek sound amazing, but it makes for the perfect amount of office small talk. Like, day one: ‘How was your weekend?’ Day two: ‘Any big plans for the weekend?'” -James Corden
“A JetBlue pilot had to appear in court today after being caught flying into New York’s Kennedy Airport while drunk. Apparently he kept turning on the cabin intercom to tell the passengers how much he loved them.” -Seth Meyers
“We have less than 100 days to go until the summer Olympics. It’s less than 100 days until people at home in sweatpants eating potato chips are like, ‘I could do that.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My sister didn’t do as well on her driver’s ed test as she’d hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence: “When the ___ is dead, the car won’t start.”
She wrote: “Driver.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘Me? I’m scared of everything! I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you!’
Answer: Dirty Dancing! Baby’s emotional response when Johnny comments that she’s not scared of anything.
Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘It’s only love. What’s everyone so scared of?’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”)
1. hair-control foam
2. very exposed
3. tellin’ falsities
4. a lamenting cry
5. a dull person
6. a precious or loved one
7. first you get a parking ticket, then you get this
8. these make up a chain
ANSWER: 1.Moose (Mousse) 2. Bear (Bare) 3. Lion (Lyin’) 4. Whale (Wail) 5. Boar (Bore) 6. Deer (Dear) 7. Toad (Towed)
8. Lynx (Links)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Ms. Arroyo asked the class to see if they could find the sum of the first 50 odd numbers. As everyone settled down to their addition, Terry ran to her and said, “The sum is 2,500.” Ms. Arroyo thought, “Lucky guess,” and gave him the task of finding the sum of the first 75 odd numbers. Within 20 seconds, Terry was back with the correct answer of 5,625.
How does Terry find the sum so quickly?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/