Friday, January 5, 2018

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WELCOME to Friday, January 5, 2018.                                    
MORE Funny definitions – the real meanings of words…..
Griller: A large ape.  (Hey main, look at dat big Griller!)
Grimace: A soloemn but superior aviator.
Gripe Water: The sort of rain that make people complain
Groan: No longer small.
Groom Awaiting Bride: Exhibits wife expectancy.
Gross Ignorance: 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.
Gross Profit: $144 before fixed expenses.
Gross Stupidity: 144 republican politicians.  
Grouch: One who, when opportunity knocks, complains about the noise.
Ground Beef: A cow sitting on the grass.
Ground Zero: Forgot to prepare coffee beans.
Grounds for Divorce: Burnt coffee.
Group of Geniuses: A mental bloc.
Growth Industry: Agriculture.
Grumpy Pal: Doc.
Guardian: Protect Ian.
Guerilla Warfare: Going ape.
Guiless: No men.
Gully: Similar to an aquatic bird.
Guyana: Introducing Ana to a chap whose name you forgot.
Gym dandy: An athlete who wears shirt and tie during a ball game.
Gyration: Just enough food for one fellow.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES…
The world is round; it has no point.
–Adrienne E. Gusoff
I think the world is run by ‘C’ students.
–Al McGuire
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is
that it is at all comprehensible.
–Albert Einstein
All the world’s a cage.
–Jeanne Phillips
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
–Mark Twain
All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
–Sean O’Casey
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
–Horace Walpole
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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog
points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?”
The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck, and sees him out.
A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer  says, “What a remarkable dog!”
“Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”😐

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘When you love someone, you’ve gotta trust them. There’s no other way. You’ve got to give them the key to everything that’s yours. Otherwise, what’s the point? And,
for a while, I believed that’s the kind of love I had.’
ANSWER: Casino! Ace (Robert De Niro) explains his relationship with Ginger (Sharon Stone). Stone won a Golden Globe and was Oscar-nominated for this role.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
‘Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don’t even call it love. I call it Geronimo. When you’re in love, you’ll jump right from the top of the Empire State and you won’t care, screaming “Geronimo” the whole way down. I love her so bad, I just… whoa, she wrecks me. I’d die for her.’
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Two personal pronouns if you take
And join them in due order,
An herb will name, without mistake,
That scents the garden border.
ANSWER: THY-ME  
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
What one three-letter word can be inserted in all three blanks below to make two words in each row?
LIS___TACLE
HAS___DON
OF___DER
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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Thursday, January 4, 2018

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WELCOME to Thursday, January 4, 2018.                                    
Funny book titles…..
My Golden Wedding
by Annie Versary
The Insurmountable Problem
by Major Setback
Crime Does Not Pay
by Laura Norda
A Load of Old Rubbish
by Stefan Nonsense
Tape Recording for Beginners
by Cass Ette
Don’t Leave Without Me
by Isa Coming
Making the Most of Life
by Maxie Mumm
Making the Least of Life
by Minnie Mumm
When Shall We Meet Again ?
by Miles Apart
The Artic Ocean
by I.C. Waters
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
——————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES…
“My New Year’s resolution this year was to get a gym membership,
use it twice, and then never use it again. I’m already halfway there.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk.
Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when
rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink
souvenir cup from Senor Frog’s.” -Jimmy Fallon
“New research came out that reveals that being attractive in high school leads to
success later in life. So finally some good news for hot, popular teenagers.” -Conan O’Brien

———————————————————————————————————————————-

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids we had to leave “right now”at which point our teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling.
On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rear view mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. “Look at your mom,” he said. “She didn’t put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theater.”
From the back I heard, “Yeah, but Mom doesn’t need makeup.”
My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she continued, “Nobody looks at her.”😐

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘Lancelot, just a thought. A man who fears nothing is a man who loves nothing; and if you love nothing, what joy is there in your life?’
ANSWER: First Knight! Sean Connery’s Arthur questions Richard Gere’s Lancelot. Little
did he know, Lancelot would fall in love with his bride and she with him. Bummer.
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
‘When you love someone, you’ve gotta trust them. There’s no other way. You’ve got to give them the key to everything that’s yours. Otherwise, what’s the point? And,
for a while, I believed that’s the kind of love I had.’
————————————————————————————————————————————
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
There are four letters that are anagrams to form six words.
You can cook food in ____.
You need ____ to cover fast food cups.
Red means ____ in certain situations.
A ____ can be found on dirty clothes and animals.
Police officers will ____ a warrant for someone’s arrest.
*Bonus*
A student sometimes ____ to not go to college.
ANSWER:  1)Pots  2)Tops  3)Stop  4)Spot  5)Post   *Bonus* Opts

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
Two personal pronouns if you take
And join them in due order,
An herb will name, without mistake,
That scents the garden border.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

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WELCOME to Wednesday, January 3, 2018.                                    
Homework Excuses….
A sudden gust of wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again.
I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn’t have time to do it.
The lights in our house went out, and I had to burn it to get enough light to see the fuse box.
Another pupil fell in a lake, and I jumped in to rescue him. My homework though drowned.
I used it to fill a hole in my shoe; you wouldn’t want it now.
My father had a nervous breakdown and he cut it up to make paper dolls.
My pet gerbils had babies, and they used it to make a nest.
I didn’t do it, because I didn’t want the other kids in the class to look bad.
I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.
ET stopped by my house and he accidentally took it home with him.
I lost it fighting this kid you who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.
I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had.
Our puppy toilet trained on it.
Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked.
I put it in a safe, but lost the combination.
I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away.
Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing.
I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine.
I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload.
My little sister ate it.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
—————————————————————————————————————————————
DAILY QUOTES…
If you do not hope, you will not find
what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra
Dream big and dare to fail.
Norman Vaughan
With will one can do anything.
Samuel Smiles
We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each
by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems
you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is
just the place and time that the tide will turn. Harriet Beecher Stowe
Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at
some moment every day. Thornton Wilder
The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by
going beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would
enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the
finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to
raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he
could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a
number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner
asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, “I raise them
myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have … a hutch back of Notre Dame.😐
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘People hurt the ones they love. That’s how it is all around the world.’
ANSWER: The Green Mile! Michael Clarke Duncan’s John Coffey imparting some of
his wisdom. This was an excellent novella series, if you haven’t read that yet, you should do so.
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
‘Lancelot, just a thought. A man who fears nothing is a man who loves nothing; and if you love nothing, what joy is there in your life?’
———————————————————————————————————————————
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
You can actually view words from a different perspective. For example, number
could mean getting more numb, while a butter could simply be a goat or a ram.
And now for the problem. What do you call a wicked thing?😁
ANSWER: Candle. 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
There are four letters that are anagrams to form six words.
You can cook food in ____.
You need ____ to cover fast food cups.
Red means ____ in certain situations.
A ____ can be found on dirty clothes and animals.
Police officers will ____ a warrant for someone’s arrest.
*Bonus*
A student sometimes ____ to not go to college.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

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WELCOME to Tuesday, January 2, 2018.                                    
As e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets) continue to erode the
written language, perhaps it is time for an English language lesson.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind
when using the Queen’s English:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times:
resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
————————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES…
“Honestly must be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that
apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy.” -George Carlin
“When I’m in a slump, I comfort myself by saying if I believe in dinosaurs, then
somewhere, they must be believing in me. And if they believe in me, then I can
believe in me. Then I bust out.” -Mookie Wilson (baseball player)
People born in the year 2000 never have to remember how old they are.” -Nick Offerman

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.
Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. 😐
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘Whether it’s important to you or not, there are people out there who don’t care about money, who don’t give a damn about respect. People who believe the killing of innocent men and women is justified. For them it is about rage, frustration, hatred… they feel pain and they’re determined to share it with the world.’
ANSWER: The Peacemaker! Nicole Kidman’s character says this to George Clooney’s character, arguing that not all terrorists have a business mindset.
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
‘People hurt the ones they love. That’s how it is all around the world.’
————————————————————————————————————————————–
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you unscramble the names in Part 1 and match them with what they are famous for in Part 2? And your answer is?
Part 1
1. MMAADUHM IAL
2. EETASLB
3. AONDLR EGRANA
4. OARWDH HHGSEU
5. AYR RSELACH
6. VLSIE REELYSP
Part 2
1. Businessman, movie producer and aviator.
2. First real rock and roll star and first rock star to crossover into films.
3. Oldest president elected when he took office.
4. Inducted into the Blues Hall of Fame, Rock and Roll’s Hall of Fame and received Life Time Achievement Award.
5. Boastful boxer who suffers from Parkinson’s disease.
6. Song group who shaped music and an entire generation.
ANSWER: 1. Muhammad Ali: Boastful boxer who suffers from Parkinson’s disease.

2. Beatles: Song group who shaped music and an entire generation.
3. Ronald Reagan: Oldest president elected when he took office.
4. Howard Hughes: Businessman, movie producer and aviator.
5. Ray Charles: Inducted into the Blues Hall of Fame, Rock and Roll’s Hall of Fame
and received Life Time Achievement Award.
6. Elvis Presley: First real rock and roll star and first rock star to crossover into films.

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
You can actually view words from a different perspective. For example, number
could mean getting more numb, while a butter could simply be a goat or a ram.
And now for the problem. What do you call a wicked thing?😁
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙅🙏🙏😎😁
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday, December 29, 2017

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WELCOME to Friday, December 29, 2017.                                    
Funny Office Thoughts…
THE COMPUTER OFFICE:
A place where you can relax
after your strenuous home life.
CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.
CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks computing,
nobody listens and everybody disagrees later.
LECTURE:
An art of transmitting information
from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students
without passing through the minds of either
YOUR BOSS:
Someone who is early when you are late
and late when you are early.
COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing an office in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great New Years weekend
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES…
“Today, the stock market hit an all-time high. Which is great news, because if there’s
one thing we’ve learned over the past decade it’s that if Wall Street executives
are doing well, regular Americans are doing well. ” -James Corden
“Two Connecticut residents stole over $1,000 worth of candles from the Yankee
Candle Village. The suspects are being described as white.” -Conan O’Brien
“Starbucks is planning to open Italian bakeries in New York City and Chicago that will
serve pizza. Good, because if there’s anywhere you can’t get a good slice of pizza,
it’s NEW YORK CITY and CHICAGO.” -Jimmy Fallon

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck I’ve had today! What in the world should I do now?”  A man standing next to her suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?” He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table.
Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned.  He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up.
Then she just fainted!” 😎😁

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
Donnie Smith: ‘I’m sick and I’m in love.’
Thurston Howell: ‘You seem the sort of person who confuses the two.’
Donnie Smith: ‘That’s right. That’s the first time you’ve been right. I confuse the two and I don’t care.’
ANSWER: Magnolia! Quiz Kid Donnie Smith (William H. Macy) has just poured his heart out to Bartender Brad, and had a less than enthusiastic response. Brad’s older patron (and admirer) Mr. Howell (Henry Gibson) patronizes Donnie about his feelings as some salt to rub in the wounds.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
‘Whether it’s important to you or not, there are people out there who don’t care about money, who don’t give a damn about respect. People who believe the killing of innocent men and women is justified. For them it is about rage, frustration, hatred… they feel pain and they’re determined to share it with the world.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) finished
1b) to sleep lightly
1c) a measured quantity
2a) covered
2b) mollusk
2c) applaud
3a) furtive
3b) to secretly observe
3c) an enclosure for pigs
4a) to direct
4b) costume
4c) duplicity
ANSWER: 1) done, doze, dose  2) clad, clam, clap  3) sly, spy, sty  4) guide, guise, guile
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
Can you unscramble the names in Part 1 and match them with what they are famous for in Part 2? And your answer is?
Part 1
1. MMAADUHM IAL
2. EETASLB
3. AONDLR EGRANA
4. OARWDH HHGSEU
5. AYR RSELACH
6. VLSIE REELYSP
Part 2
1. Businessman, movie producer and aviator.
2. First real rock and roll star and first rock star to crossover into films.
3. Oldest president elected when he took office.
4. Inducted into the Blues Hall of Fame, Rock and Roll’s Hall of Fame and received Life Time Achievement Award.
5. Boastful boxer who suffers from Parkinson’s disease.
6. Song group who shaped music and an entire generation.
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙅🙏🙏😎😁
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday, December 28, 2017

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WELCOME to Thursday, December 28, 2017.                                   
New Old Computing Sayings…
The Internet has changed everything, even these tried and true traditional sayings:
Wherever I lay my @, that’s my home.
The email of the species is deadlier than the mail.
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
Great groups from little icons grow.
Speak softly and carry a cell phone.
Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.
Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
The modem is the message.
The geek shall inherit the earth.
A chat has nine lives.
Don’t byte off more than you can view.
Fax is stranger than fiction.
What boots up must come down.
Windows will never cease.
In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal).
The words of the Prophets are written on the Facebook wall.
Virtual reality is its own reward.
Modulation in all things.
There’s no place like home dot com.
Oh, what a tangled Web site we weave when first we practice.
Speed thrills.
A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
—————————————————————————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES…
“I was thinking about Santa Claus. When you really think about it, this has to be
the biggest, most elaborate prank in the history of the world. It’s like we’re all in
on a huge joke we’re playing on kids. And eventually they figure it out and
they start lying to their kids, too.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” -Matt Groening
“There was an 11-hour power outage at the airport in Atlanta. And people were
stranded on the tarmac for six hours. Don’t worry, though, flight attendants came
through every hour with a thimble-size cup of room temperature water.” -Jimmy Fallon
—————————————————————————————————————————————–
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
I’m a driving examiner for the state of Indiana, and while I was giving a road test to a young man, he went through a red light without stopping. I told him that he had automatically failed the test.
We met up with his mother back at the office, and I explained what had happened. At first she was speechless. Then she asked incredulously, “He ran a red light?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“Well,” persisted the mom, “how red was the light?” 😐

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘Women. Nice ones, the most frigid of the race, it doesn’t matter in the end. Inside they’re all the same meat and gristle and hatred just simmering.’
ANSWER: In the Company of Men! Aaron Eckart’s character said this line in Neil LaBute’s delectably misogynistic film. He and a coworker decide to each seduce a deaf woman working at their office, just for the sport of it. Another quote that pretty much sums up the attitude of the character is ‘Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die.’
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
Donnie Smith: ‘I’m sick and I’m in love.’
Thurston Howell: ‘You seem the sort of person who confuses the two.’
Donnie Smith: ‘That’s right. That’s the first time you’ve been right. I confuse the two and I don’t care.’

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Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
The Jones family of Ohio is entertaining their cousin Henry, who is visiting from Belgium.
After staying for several days, Henry is getting ready to leave, when he presents the Jones with a gift. It is a lamp that Henry claims is a very valuable antique that has been in his family for 70 years. It has small Bohemian figures that dance around the base when the lamp is turned on. Henry plugs it in to show the family how it works.
After Henry leaves, the father looks at his family, and says, “While it may be a pretty lamp, and it was nice of Henry to give it to us, it is not a Belgian antique.”
Why is the father so sure?
ANSWER: An antique lamp from Belgium would not have a plug that would fit into a standard outlet in North America. The father noted that the plug was a sealed plug not a replacement one and therefore was the original installation.

He obviously bought it at a local store.

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) finished
1b) to sleep lightly
1c) a measured quantity
2a) covered
2b) mollusk
2c) applaud
3a) furtive
3b) to secretly observe
3c) an enclosure for pigs
4a) to direct
4b) costume
4c) duplicity
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙅
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday, December 22, 2017

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WELCOME to Friday, December 22, 2017.                                  
Holiday Eating Tips….
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows
nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare.
In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year
but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if
you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it.
Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not
stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.
Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk.
If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.
The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free.
Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can
do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory
calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from
the table, you haven’t been paying attention. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a wonderful Christmas weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES…
“A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28
percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“We’re having our office Christmas party tonight. Just like last year, I’m going to get drunk,
make a fool of myself, and then go to the office Christmas party.” -Conan O’Brien
“We are just one week away from Christmas. Which means today is that special day
when husbands tell their wives, ‘I give up. Just tell me what you want.'” -Jimmy Fallon
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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
I wondered if I could get my husband to help me address Christmas cards, as I had so
much to do. I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said,
“Come on, Dear, let’s get these out of the way.”
He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den, only to return
moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed.
“They’re last year’s,” he said. “I forgot to mail them. Now let’s go out to dinner and relax.”😐😎

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘He’s a fountain of misplaced rage. Name your cliche; mother held him too much or not enough,
last picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now he’s so angry that moments of levity
actually cause him pain; give him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts.
ANSWER: Con Air! Steve Buscemi’s character says this line. This action movie was pretty ridiculous, but it had an intriguing cast (Buscemi, John Malkovich, John Cusack).
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
‘Women. Nice ones, the most frigid of the race, it doesn’t matter in the end. Inside they’re all the same meat and gristle and hatred just simmering.’
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Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In each group below, the three words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should
rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each group.
Example: plo___, tho___, to___ would be plough, though, tough.
1. b___, el___, oppos___
2. bl___, br___, g___
3. f___, h___, t___
ANSWER: 1. bite, elite, opposite   2. blood, brood, good    3. four, hour, tour
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
The Jones family of Ohio is entertaining their cousin Henry, who is visiting from Belgium.
After staying for several days, Henry is getting ready to leave, when he presents the Jones with a gift. It is a lamp that Henry claims is a very valuable antique that has been in his family for 70 years. It has small Bohemian figures that dance around the base when the lamp is turned on. Henry plugs it in to show the family how it works.
After Henry leaves, the father looks at his family, and says, “While it may be a pretty lamp, and it was nice of Henry to give it to us, it is not a Belgian antique.”
Why is the father so sure?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY, DECEMBER 28TH’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/