Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday February 22, 2018.  

Ponderings for Today……

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?
Why do ‘tug’boats push their barges?
Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?
Why are they called ‘stands’ when they’re made for sitting?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a great Thursday people,

and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES...
Anybody who says their wedding or the birth of their child was the best day of their life
has clearly never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.

My friend keeps telling me, “Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be stuck
underground in a hole full of water.” And I know he means well, but…

I hope when I die it’s early in the morning, so I don’t go to work that day for no reason.

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Some of my friends started a company built around an innovative idea for an
online business. A debate broke out about what to name the venture. “We have
to call it Imagination,” one passionate participant cried out.

Everyone thought the idea over for a minute, and then a voice of reason replied,
“Are you sure you want your business card to read ‘Imagination, Limited’?”😐😁

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘I like them French Fried potaters.’
ANSWER:  Sling Blade!
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
1: “He beat you with nothin’! Just like today when he kept comin back at me, with nothin’.”
2: “Yeah, well sometimes nothin’ can be a real ____
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Find the two six letter words that are combined in each row of letters. Their letters are in the correct order.

1. JSOYOMFUBELR
2. SCDUARWDRLYE
3. DASNAGEFERTY
4. CLULOOTSCEHN
5. USENEARSEYNE

ANSWER:

1. Joyful & Somber
2. Scurry & Dawdle
3. Danger & Safety
4. Clutch & Loosen
5. Uneasy & Serene
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
These are quotes from George Carlin, one of America’s most popular wise guys. Can you decode them?

Both puzzles use the same code.

Q=M

“DPKLSUQ SU D ORO-TYRTKLP RYMDOSEDPSRO.”

“‘S DQ’ SU YLTRYPLJWB PKL UKRYPLUP ULOPLOHL SO PKL LOMWSUK WDOMADML. HRAWJ SP FL PKDP ‘S JR’ SU PKL WROMLUP ULOPLOHL?”

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday February 21, 2018.  

Thoughts on Aging…..

You enjoy watching the washer and dryer in action.
You stop lying about your age and you start bragging about it.
Your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, but you’re barefoot.
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
You’re cautioned to “slow down” – not by the police but by your doctor!
You are getting a little action today – but that means the fiber is working.
You think “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
You think an “all-nighter” is not having to get up to pee.
A sexy woman walks by and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
You’re the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8 PM.
You’re smiling all the time because you can’t hear a thing anyone is saying.
You’re very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.
You’re aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as cute as yours.
You’re very good at opening childproof caps (with a hammer).
You’re not grouchy; you just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.
You’re wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just your left leg.
You’re having trouble remembering simple words like…
You’re a walking storeroom of facts – you’ve just lost the key to the storeroom door.
Everything either dries up or leaks.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful Wednesday people,

and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
——————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES...
I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding
which bringeth peace. – Helen Keller

People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is convenient,
and then repent. – Bob Dylan

Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver. – William James

The wise man has long ears and a short tongue. – Anonymous.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. – Jimi Hendrix

Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend. – Unknown, but often attributed to Albert Camus

The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in
the right scale of values. – Norman Thomas

Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who’ll get the blame. – Bertrand Russell

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not
sure about the former. – Albert Einstein

 ————————————————————————————————————————————
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A job applicant was asked, “What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?” 
“Well,” he began, “my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality–sometimes I have a 
little trouble telling what’s real from what’s not.” “Okay,” said the interviewer. “And what are your strengths?”
“I’m Batman.” 😐

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
David- ‘YES!’
Ruby Rhod- ‘AAAAH! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT YOU SCREAMIN’ FOR?! EVERY FIVE MINUTES
THERE’S SOMETHING A BOMB OR SOMETHIN! I’M LEAVIN! Bzzzzzz!’

ANSWER: The Fifth Element!
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘I like them French Fried potaters.’
————————————————————————————————————————————–
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 

5 + 5 + 5 = 550

Add ONE STRAIGHT LINE to the above to make the sum correct.

ANSWER: 5 4 5 + 5 = 550

Add a straight line to the first “+” to make it a “4”.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Find the two six letter words that are combined in each row of letters. Their letters are in the correct order.

1. JSOYOMFUBELR
2. SCDUARWDRLYE
3. DASNAGEFERTY
4. CLULOOTSCEHN
5. USENEARSEYNE

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday February 20, 2018.   

DID YOU KNOW?

Apples are Female – the best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for them as they’re afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Wine is Male – it begins as a grape, and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of it until it turns into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Ziploc Bags are Male – they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are Female – once turned off it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A Tire is Male – it goes bald and it is often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male – to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it (of course, there’s the hot air part, too).

Sponges are Female – they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Web Page is Female – it is always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male – it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female – over time the weight shifts to the bottom.

A Hammer is Male – it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it is handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female – it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it,and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

A Water Faucet is Female – it can turn hot or cold in just a matter of moments.

A Safety Pin is Male – it is often useful in an emergency.

A Foreign Movie is Female – it is not always completely understood.

A Computer is Female – even your smallest mistakes are stored in memory. (E-V-E-R-Y T-H-I-N-G!) 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful Tuesday people,

and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
—————————————————————————————————————————————
DAILY QUOTES...
 “A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn’t resort to violins.” -Seth Meyers

“Valentine’s Day: the day women all around the world wait eagerly to discover the new and wonderful ways their husbands and boyfriends will disappoint them.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom.” -Conan O’Brien

————————————————————————————————————————————–
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 20mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.  I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions…😐
————————————————————————————————————————————
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!’
ANSWER: Dumb and Dumber
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
David- ‘YES!’
Ruby Rhod- ‘AAAAH! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT YOU SCREAMIN’ FOR?! EVERY FIVE MINUTES THERE’S SOMETHING A BOMB OR SOMETHIN! I’M LEAVIN! Bzzzzzz!’

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

A magazine competition invited people to come up with “invented” inventions of the cyber-age. For example, a solar powered clothes drier (a rope) and a hand-held word processor (a pencil). Can you guess what this is?
It’s a graphic media emulator. High-resolution, thin-screen monitor that produces near-perfect emulations of all graphical media. Used as cosmetic analyzer.

What is it?

ANSWER: A mirror


Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
5 + 5 + 5 = 550
Add ONE STRAIGHT LINE to the above to make the sum correct.


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday February 19, 2018.       

Gender………
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for

a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man

never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can

spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a

little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes-there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: before marriage & after.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful Monday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
————————————————————————————————————————————
DAILY QUOTES...
“Valentine’s Day was yesterday. So, if I look like I didn’t get much sleep,
it’s because the couch was really uncomfortable.” -Seth Meyers

“According to a new study, children who are spanked are twice as likely as
those that aren’t spanked to get into fights and destroy things which is probably
why they get spanked in the first place.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“The former president of Trader Joe’s is opening a store that sells only
expired food. The new store will be known as 7-Eleven.” -Conan O’Brien

————————————————————————————————————————————-
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of
them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week
she asked each child in turn what they had learned.

Susie said, “He was born in a manger.”

Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”

Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”

Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”

“From my Daddy,” said Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and
this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at
him, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?'” 

———————————————————————————————————————————

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Elwood- ‘It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes,
it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.’ Jake- ‘Hit it.’
ANSWER: Blues Brothers
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!’

————————————————————————————————————————————

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
Can you decode these stupid quotes said by different people?
“Sniomkg klils. fi yru’oe kleild, yvuo’e solt a ryev iotpnarmt rapt fo uyro eifl.” – Brooke Shields
“Het ienrtnet si a teagr ayw ot etg no teh ent.” – Bob Dole
“I velo Cnrlifaoia, I pirtlcalcay wreg pu ni Pnohiex.” – Dan Quayle
ANSWER:

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” – Brooke Shields (actress)
“The internet is a great way to get on the net.” – Bob Dole (U.S. Senator from Kansas)
“I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.” – Dan Quayle (former U.S. Vice President)
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A magazine competition invited people to come up with “invented” inventions of the cyber-age.
For example, a solar powered clothes drier (a rope) and a hand-held word processor (a pencil). Can you guess what this is?
It’s a graphic media emulator. High-resolution, thin-screen monitor that produces near-perfect emulations of all graphical media. Used as cosmetic analyzer.
What is it?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Friday February 16, 2018.       
Thoughts… 
1. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful weekend people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
———————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES...
‘The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.’  Anonymous
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.   Douglas Adams
‘I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.’  Charles Lamb.
‘When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues
generally present him with a watch.’  R C Sherriff.
‘Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.’  Will Rogers.
‘It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.’  Scott Elledge.
‘When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at
the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.’  Alexander Graham Bell.
‘Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not,
why then this parting was well made.’  William Shakespeare.
‘Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at
the appropriate time.’  Malcolm Muggeridge
‘A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.’  Anon
‘There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit…retire!’  Groucho Marx
‘I’ve lit the blue touch paper and found there’s nowhere to retire to.’  Doctor Who
————————————————————————————————————————————
 G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.  The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50.  The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You
know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”  The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?” “No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”😐😁😎
 ————————————————————————————————————————————-
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Like a glove!’
ANSWER: Ace Ventura!
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Elwood- ‘It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.’
Jake- ‘Hit it.’
———————————————————————————————————————————–
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word.
For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,”
you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
I ___ so ___ to his antics that I am no longer ___ by them.
ANSWER:I AM so USED to his antics that I am no longer AMUSED by them.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decode these stupid quotes said by different people?
“Sniomkg klils. fi yru’oe kleild, yvuo’e solt a ryev iotpnarmt rapt fo uyro eifl.” – Brooke Shields
“Het ienrtnet si a teagr ayw ot etg no teh ent.” – Bob Dole
“I velo Cnrlifaoia, I pirtlcalcay wreg pu ni Pnohiex.” – Dan Quayle
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

250609-It-s-Only-Thursday-But-Young-Wongy-Just-Can-t-Wait
WELCOME to Thursday February 15, 2018.   
Thoughts on Aging…..
You enjoy watching the washer and dryer in action.
You stop lying about your age and you start bragging about it.
Your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, but you’re barefoot.
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
You’re cautioned to “slow down” – not by the police but by your doctor!
You are getting a little action today – but that means the fiber is working.
You think “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
You think an “all-nighter” is not having to get up to pee.
A sexy woman walks by and your pacemaker opens the garage door. 😁
You’re the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8 PM.
You’re smiling all the time because you can’t hear a thing anyone is saying.
You’re very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.
You’re aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as cute as yours.
You’re very good at opening childproof caps (with a hammer).
You’re not grouchy; you just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.
You’re wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just your left leg.
You’re having trouble remembering simple words like…
You’re a walking storeroom of facts – you’ve just lost the key to the storeroom door.
Everything either dries up or leaks.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful Thursday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
————————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES...
“A new survey reported that 40 percent of people think it’s a good idea to get engaged
on Valentine’s Day. The other 60 percent were men.” -Conan O’Brien
“On Valentine’s Day, Americans spend $367 million on their pets. That seems like a waste. You don’t need to wine and dine your dog. Either way, he’s going to hump your leg.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“The trend this year is couples saying they don’t need to get each other anything for Valentine’s Day, because they love each other EVERY day. I think that’s sweet, but to all the guys out there watching, I just want to say it’s a trap!” -Jimmy Fallon
———————————————————————————————————————————–
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, “I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had.”
The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.
Then she said, “I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity.”
The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his arm around her shoulders.
The elderly woman then stated,” I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine.”
This time the old man started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room his wife asked, “Was it something I said, where are you going?”
The old man looked at her and replied, “I’m going to the bathroom to get my teeth!”😁😎
—————————————————————————————————————————————
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Spike- ‘There’s something wrong with this yogurt.’
William- ‘It’s not yogurt. It’s mayonnaise.’
Spike- ‘Oh, right, there we are then.’
 
ANSWER: Notting Hill!
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Like a glove!’

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
What am I?
I will help you with your writing,
Probably through me you will see,
But if you want to ship me,
You’ll put me right inside of me.
I wear many different hats you know,
In construction plus I’m tracing,
I also do work for the board,
Lots of kids use me for a racing.
You can fold me, tear me,
Rip me without using all your might,
But be careful how you touch me,
I may give you my famous bite.
ANSWER: Paper.

I will help you with your writing- You draw on paper
Probably through me you will see- Usually you can see through paper
But if you want to ship me,
You’ll put me right inside of me- An envelope, you put a letter (paper) inside an envelope (paper)
I wear many different hats you know,
In construction plus I’m tracing,
I also do work for the board- Construction Paper,Tracing Paper,Cardboard Paper
Lots of kids use me for a racing- Paper Airplane Race
You can fold me, tear me,
Rip me without using all your might- It’s easy to rip paper
But be careful how you touch me,
I may give you my famous bite- Paper cut
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word.
For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,”
you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
I ___ so ___ to his antics that I am no longer ___ by them.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday February 14, 2018.     
Why?
Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know what time it is, but
they don’t point to their pants when they need to ask where the restroom is?
Why are there no pictures of “no flash photography” signs?
Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
Why is is it called a roach clip? It should be called a pot holder.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why do doctors leave the room when you get undressed? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why does a pizza get to the house faster than an ambulance?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in”, but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s the extra penny?
Why is the original text in a document called “copy”?
Why do drug stores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescription, but smokers can get their cigarettes up front?
Why is the small size of a candy bar the “fun size”? It’s more fun to eat a big candy bar.
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why are there handicap parking places in front of the skating rink?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a diet coke?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Happy Valentines Day and have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. Brian Pickrell
If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison.
It went a lot faster with two people digging.  Joe Martin
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.  Clarence Darrow
In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back. Charlie Brown
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.  Reba McEntire
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. Mae West
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. Spike Milligan
He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot.  He that
dare not is a slave.  Andrew Carnegie
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Mahatma Gandhi, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set
of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.  😐😎
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Ralphie- ‘I want an official Red Ryder Carbon Action…’
Mom- ‘No…You’ll shoot your eye out…’
 
ANSWER: A Christmas Story!
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Spike- ‘There’s something wrong with this yogurt.’
William- ‘It’s not yogurt. It’s mayonnaise.’
Spike- ‘Oh, right, there we are then.’
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
This is another of my rhyming word ladders. Most people will have to work forwards and backwards to get all ten words…..
The old adage says to do this again.
Add one, make a city of fame way back when.
OY becomes IP and you’ll have a nice fall.
Change I to A and you’ll catch it all.
Insert an M: make an invention of Chaplin.
Change T to C and with pain you’ll be grapplin’.
Replace second with H: a winner for sure!
Lose second to last: you’ll want balm for a cure.
Drop the H to make something to go on your head.
Change one and an adage will leave this thing dead.
ANSWER:

TRY: From the adage “If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
TROY: The Greek city which was the site of the Trojan War.
TRIP: and fall.
TRAP: to catch it all.
TRAMP: Charlie Chaplin’s famous character was the tramp.
CRAMP: can be very painful.
CHAMP: a winner!
CHAP: Chapped lips or hands can be cured with a balm
CAP: goes on your head.
CAT: is left dead in the adage “Curiosity killed the cat.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What am I?
I will help you with your writing,
Probably through me you will see,
But if you want to ship me,
You’ll put me right inside of me.
I wear many different hats you know,
In construction plus I’m tracing,
I also do work for the board,
Lots of kids use me for a racing.
You can fold me, tear me,
Rip me without using all your might,
But be careful how you touch me,
I may give you my famous bite.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/