About eucman

In an insane world the sane man must appear to be insane.

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, October 23, 2017.                   
A man’s translations….
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say…
“IT’S A GUY THING”
Translated:* “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated:* “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Translated:* “I have no idea how it works.”
“TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.”
Translated:* “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Translated:* “Are you still talking?”
“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Translated:* “I remember the theme song to ‘Star Wars,’ the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I’ve ever owned… but I forgot your birthday.”
“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Translated:* “I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”
“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.”
Translated:* “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Translated:* “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Translated:* “What did you catch me at?”
“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Translated:* “No one will ever see us alive again.”
“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Translated:* “I make the messes; she cleans them up.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a
local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking,
‘I gotta find that blind guy. I’m in a lot of trouble if I don’t find him.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an
airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as ‘single.'” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral.
“No problem,” the teacher told him. “Make it up the following week.” That week came,
and again he couldn’t take the test due to another funeral.
“You’ll have to take the test early next week,” the professor insisted. “I can’t keep postponing it.”   “I’ll take the test next week if no one dies,” the undergrad replied.
By now I the instructor was suspicious. “How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?”
“I don’t know any of these people,” the student exclaimed. “But I’m the only gravedigger in town.”😐
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Finally! A man who can satisfy two women at once!’
ANSWER: Roxanne! Very funny remake of ‘Cyrano de Bergerac’ starring Steve Martin.

 

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

  ‘This town needs an enema!’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
If you have played Might and Magic (a computer game), then you have encountered the Vowel-less Knights,
a strange group who speak without vowels. It is up to you to decipher what they are saying.
In their tradition then, what are the following sayings?
1) shll rtrn.
2) Th sht hrd rnd th wrld.
3) Cm p nd s m smtm.
ANSWER: 1) I shall return. Bonus: General MacArthur, when he left the Philippines. Side note: He did.

2) The shot heard around the world. Bonus: This phrase was used by the press of the day to describe the first time American soldiers fought the British, as the British troops marched through Lexington on their way to Concord, and history.
3) Come up and see me sometime.
Bonus: Mae West, arguably the most popular USO entertainer and pinup girl of WW2.

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this common phrase?
eyeeseeexcept
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇🙇🙇🙇
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, October 20, 2017.                   
REALLY BAD ONE LINERS 4 THE WEEKEND…..
What lies on the ocean bed and is twitching uncontrollably? A nervous wreck.
I’ve seen this show about beavers last night – best dam documentary I’ve ever seen!”
I dig, you dig, she dig, we dig, you dig…the poem may not be beautiful, but it’s certainly very deep.
Why do mathematicians tend to marry larger women? Because they like curves.
You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak.
Where do cows like to go in their spare time? In the Muuuuuuseum.
Do you know how they make holy water? They boil the hell out of it!
Velcros are just a big rip-off.
I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today. He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.
One pen to the other: You are INKredible.
Two wi-fi antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.
Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
I was trying to catch some fog earlier but I mist.
Why did the octopus blush? He’d just seen the bottom of the ocean!!!!
Why does Peter Pan fly all the time? He Neverlands.
Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors? There are too many bugs.
I’d love to know how the Earth rotates. It would totally make my day.
Why is the math book so sad? It’s got too many problems!
Have you heard about this dude who had to have his left leg and left arm amputated after a car crash? — He’s all right now.“
Nurse to a doctor: Doctor, here’s your list of heart, liver and kidney donors. I already sorted them
alphabetically. Doctor: Excellent job. Seriously well organ-ized.
Do you think that when Han Solo married Princess Leia, she demanded that he change his name to Han Married?
How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet.
Why was the tomato all red? It saw the salad dressing.
A bacon sandwich walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. “Sorry,” growls the bartender, “we don’t serve food here.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
William Shakespeare
Love all, trust a few.
George Bernard Shaw
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Francis David
We need not think alike to love alike.
Doris Day
Middle age is youth without levity, and age without decay.
Oscar Wilde
True friends stab you in the front.
Francis Bacon
A prudent question is one half of wisdom.
John Junor
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.
Voltaire
A witty saying proves nothing.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field
instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you,
you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘Why do I have to be Mr. Pink?’
ANSWER: Reservoir Dogs! Quentin Tarantino’s best flick, even better than ‘Pulp Fiction’ in many ways.

 

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘Finally! A man who can satisfy two women at once!’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What James Bond Movie Titles do the following represent?
1) Crystals of C R Ever Ever Ever Ever.
2) Female Sheep reincarnated just once.
3) AuDigit
ANSWER:  1) Diamonds Are Forever ( Crystals of Carbon = Diamonds. Four x Ever)

2) You Only Live Twice ( Female Sheep = Ewe)
3) Goldfinger (Au is symbol for Gold and fingers are digits)

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
If you have played Might and Magic (a computer game), then you have encountered the Vowel-less Knights,
a strange group who speak without vowels. It is up to you to decipher what they are saying. In their tradition then, what are the following sayings?
1) shll rtrn.
2) Th sht hrd rnd th wrld.
3) Cm p nd s m smtm.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇🙇🙇🙇
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, October 19, 2017.                  
More Oldness…….. 
OLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receiving
OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail
OLD RAIN PUDDLES never die, they just dry up
OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little “DINGHY”
OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise
OLD SALESMEN never die, they just go out of commission
OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals
OLD SCOTS never die, but they can be kilt
OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles
OLD SEAMSTRESSES never die, they just come to the point
OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision
OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away
OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around
OLD SHOES MAKERS never die, they just lose their sole
OLD SKIERS never die, but they go downhill fast
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“A new study finds that parents DO actually have a favorite child. The survey also finds if you have to ask – it ain’t you.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked because Amazon instead sent him a rifle. Which means somewhere a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it
watch ‘Real Housewives.'” -Conan O’Brien
“I’ve been trying to say ‘I love you’ more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable.” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over
and asked him to settle an argument.
“Are there two pints in a quart or four?” asked one.
“There be two pints in a quart,” confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.
“Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us.”
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to
the proprietor at the other end of the bar, “You did say two pints, didn’t you?”
“That’s right,” he called back, “two pints.”😎
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
  ‘You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.’
ANSWER: The Princess Bride! 

 

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘Why do I have to be Mr. Pink?’
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Starting with a one-letter word, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next word. A clue is given for each.
Maybe your car can do 0 to 60 in 10 seconds, but can you do 0 to 10 in 60 seconds? Get out the stopwatch! This one is a little easier than the previous ones …
The hint gives the starting letters of the even numbered words.
1. Roman one
2. Ratio of ‘circumference : diameter’ for circles
3. Edible homonym of #2
4. Long poem or film about heroic deeds
5. ‘There’s a _____ on his head’ (a reward)
6. Give the main points of a story
7. Contents of Cordon Bleu book
8. Money taken in from sales
9. Likely to cause the most unpleasant sensations of fear
10. Particular, belonging separately to each
ANSWER: 

1. I
2. Pi
3. Pie
4. Epic
5. Price
6. Precis
7. Recipes
8. Receipts
9. Creepiest
10. Respective

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What James Bond Movie Titles do the following represent?
1) Crystals of C R Ever Ever Ever Ever.
2) Female Sheep reincarnated just once.
3) AuDigit
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, October 18, 2017.                  
Oldness…….. 
OLD WANTS never die, they become needs
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down
OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged
OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip
OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over
WALT DISNEY didn’t die, he’s in suspended animation
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, — but their future is doubtful.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“The best way to keep one’s word is not to give it.”
–Napoleon Bonaparte
“Be sincere; be brief; be seated.”
–Franklin D. Roosevelt
“Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.”
–Fletcher Knebel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, “Windy, ain’t it?”
“No,” the second man replied, “It’s Thursday.”
And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a coke.”😎
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Put the candle BACK!’
ANSWER: Young Frankenstein! Best comedy ever. 

 

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

 ‘You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.’

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇

 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What is represented by this?
Jack’s Saturday
Your Tuesday 92
Bob’s Sunday
Your Thursday 24
Jill’s Wednesday
Your Friday 70
Alison’s Monday
ANSWER: Your days are numbered.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Starting with a one-letter word, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next word. A clue is given for each.
Maybe your car can do 0 to 60 in 10 seconds, but can you do 0 to 10 in 60 seconds? Get out the stopwatch! This one is a little easier than the previous ones …
The hint gives the starting letters of the even numbered words.
1. Roman one
2. Ratio of ‘circumference : diameter’ for circles
3. Edible homonym of #2
4. Long poem or film about heroic deeds
5. ‘There’s a _____ on his head’ (a reward)
6. Give the main points of a story
7. Contents of Cordon Bleu book
8. Money taken in from sales
9. Likely to cause the most unpleasant sensations of fear
10. Particular, belonging separately to each
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

e522597df60d20b2a80e32f543877a91WELCOME to Tuesday, October 17, 2017.                  
Retirement Humor Two……..
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way
OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do
OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away
OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off
OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding
OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old – Jonathan Swift (paraphrased)
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am – Oliver Wendell Holmes
Men do not quit playing because they grow old — they grow old because they quit playing – Oliver Wendell Holmes
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young – Theodore Roosevelt
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest – Larry Lorenzoni
There is still no cure for the common birthday – John Glenn
If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself – Anonymous
Age is a high price to pay for maturity – Tom Stoppard
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act – Truman Capote
You’re only as old as you feel – Anonymous
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
You know you’re getting older when…
Everything that works hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
You feel like the morning after, and you haven’t been anywhere.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.’
ANSWER:  Army of Darkness!

 

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘Put the candle BACK!’
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you figure out these common expressions?
1. The second letter of the alphabet + the opposite of more + a female sheep
2. The 16th letter of the alphabet + to rent
3. A stinging insect + to dig ore out of the ground
4. Former + sticks used for pool + not you
ANSWER: 1. Bless you  2. Please   3. Be Mine    4. Excuse Me

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What is represented by this?
Jack’s Saturday
Your Tuesday 92
Bob’s Sunday
Your Thursday 24
Jill’s Wednesday
Your Friday 70
Alison’s Monday
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS AND MS. KIM HILLYARD! 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙌🙌🙌🙌
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, October 16, 2017.                  
Retirement Humor……..
OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zone
OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away
OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool
OLD FROGS never die, they just croak
OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes
OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire😎
OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize
OLD GHOST TOWNS never die, they become desolate
OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez
OLD GYMNASTS never die, they just take longer to mount
OLD HAMS never die, they just get grounded
OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips
OLD HELSINKI TOURISTS never die, they just vanish into Finn Air
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
“Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student in 1743 asking his parents
for money. On the bright side, just this year his student loans were finally paid off.” -Conan O’Brien
“Indonesia’s anti-drug chief is proposing that the country put narcotics offenders in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles. The plan is to send the inmates food supplies every day but they will have to survive on their own. This already sounds like a reality TV show I would totally watch.” -James Corden
“New research has found that contrary to popular belief, it could be beneficial for women to eat and drink while in labor. Though I don’t think the other people in the restaurant would be too happy about it.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
While I was dining out with my children, a friend of my neighbor, who recognized us, came over to our table, and we started talking. He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we homeschooled them. With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family. I said, “No, I also work… but out of our home.”
Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in. “He was born at home,” I answered. The man looked at me and said, “You don’t get out much, do you?” 😐
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Dead or alive, you are coming with me.’
ANSWER: Robocop! Great action film from the 80s. 

 

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this rebus?
Cluck Cluck
Quack Quack
Gobble Gobble
ANSWER: Foul (Fowl) Language

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you figure out these common expressions?
1. The second letter of the alphabet + the opposite of more + a female sheep
2. The 16th letter of the alphabet + to rent
3. A stinging insect + to dig ore out of the ground
4. Former + sticks used for pool + not you
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙌🙌🙌🙌
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, October 13, 2017.                 
Really Bad Weekend  Punography…..
Daughter: „Mom, can I get a cat or a dog at Christmas, please?“
Mom: No honey, you will be getting turkey, like every Christmas!“
My socks got really holy. I can only wear them to church.
Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.
If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?
I Googled “how to start a wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
A patient bursts into a doctor’s office, “Doctor, I believe I’m a deck of cards!”
The doctor calmly replies, “Go sit in the waiting room, please, I’ll be dealing with you later.”
A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, “Un, dos…” Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.
A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach. His condition is now stable.
Why did the balloon go near the needle? He wanted to be a pop star.😐
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
 I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but I guess my plans were foiled.
Which country’s capital is the fastest growing? Ireland’s. -Every year it’s Dublin.😎
Never date cross eyed people. They might be seeing somebody on the side!
Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman
“If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side.” Stuart Turner“
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?“Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?” Tim VineI
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age,
I don’t even buy green bananas.” Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “Oh! In that case,” smiled the robber, “Give me MY money!” 😁
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘Sanka, you dead?’
ANSWER: Cool Runnings! After their bobsled crashes, one of the other team members asks Sanka this question. His reply? “Yes”.

 

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘Dead or alive, you are coming with me.’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each of the following clues refers to a word that begins with “ten”. Can you guess all ten of them?
1. Inclination
2. Delicate or gentle
3. A sinew
4. A racket game
5. Capable of being stretched
6. Between the bass and alto
7. Stretched tight
8. Unsubstantial
9. A dwelling
10. An opinion held to be true.
ANSWER: 1. Tendency  2. Tender  3. Tendon  4. Tennis  5. Tensile  6. Tenor  7. Tense  8. Tenuous  9. Tenement or Tent  10. Tenet

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this rebus?
Cluck Cluck
Quack Quack
Gobble Gobble
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙌
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/