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In an insane world the sane man must appear to be insane.

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, August 18, 2017.         
Southern medical terminology….. 
  1. Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport.
 2. Tumor – More than one.
 3. Cauterize – Made eye contact with her.
 4. Nitrates – Cheaper than day rates.
 5. Pelvis – Second cousin to Elvis.
 6. Barium – What doctors do when patients die.
 7. Dilate – To live long.
 8. Benign – What you be after you be eight.
 9. Genital – Non-Jewish person.
10. Node – I knew it.
11. Morbid – A higher offer than I bid.
12. Seizure – Roman emperor.
13. Labor Pain – Getting hurt at work.
14. Enema – Not a friend.
15. Tablet – A small table.
16. Medical Staff – A Doctor’s cane.
17. Secretion – Hiding something
18. Hangnail – What you hang your coat on.
19. Impotent – Distinguished, well known.
20. Varicose – Near by/close by😁
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops.
On my desk, I have a work station…
You can’t be late until you show up.
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and
the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the
bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources
Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime,
and crime doesn’t pay..so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke
Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin
bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.”
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”😁

  

   

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“I’d like to thank the academy…Thank you, thank you.”
ANSWER: Drive Me Crazy! This was when Nicole and Chase were leaving the basketball game.
Nicole was impressed with how well Chase acted as if he was really a part of her group.

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“You know the problem with being smart? You know everything in advance, there’s no suspense in life.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….   
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter
(each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) an Old Norse poem
1b) a wheel spoke
1c) an unusually small animal
2a) to give way
2b) a pasture
2c) to handle
3a) a small territorial division of a country
3b) an artillery piece
3c) a deep valley with high steep sides
4a) a hut
4b) to strike with surprise or horror
4c) a husk
ANSWER: 1) rune, rung, runt   2) yield, field, wield   3) canton, cannon, canyon   4) shack, shock, shuck
  

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….    
What is this well known phrase?
NN
OO
II
SS
AA
CC
CC
OO
EE
HH
TT
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, August 17, 2017.         
Funny definitions….2
  1. Father : A banker provided by nature.
 2. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
 3. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
 4. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
 5. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
 6. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
 7. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
 8. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
 9. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
   The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
10. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
11. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
12. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
13. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
14. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
     And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
15. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
16. Glibido: All talk and no action.
17. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
18. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidental ly walked through a spider web.

19. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

20. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“The American Academy of Pediatrics has suggested that people under the age of 18
should be banned from tanning salons. Parents that take their kids to tanning salons
should be banned from parenting.” -Jimmy Fallon
“In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing.
Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother.” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a new report, by 2050, the world’s oceans will contain more plastic trash
than fish. So the next time you get dumped, remember: There’s plenty of trash in the sea.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, “Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”
“Sir, you stepped away from the counter,” said the cashier. “We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank.”
“Well, ok,” answered the customer. “Just thought you’d like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye.”

  

   

Wedesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“No, no my dear. You will burn in Hell. But not I, for I am King…ordained by God!”
ANSWER: The Man In The Iron Mask! Wonderful King Louis tells this to his supposed love after Christine tells him that she feels guilty about being with Louis and not her true love Raoul.  

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “I’d like to thank the academy…Thank you, thank you.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
Aviva was planning to take a trip around the world. She liked names that were similar to hers,
so she made a list of places she would like to visit.
However, one of these places doesn’t belong. Which one is it?
Arrawarra, Australia
Caraparac, Peru
Daba Qabad, Somalia
Krape Park, United States
Nagubugan, Philippines
Oktahatko, Florida
Ilokano, Polynesia
ANSWER:  Ilokano, Polynesia. The rest of the places are palindromes, like her name.
 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….    
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter
(each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) an Old Norse poem
1b) a wheel spoke
1c) an unusually small animal
2a) to give way
2b) a pasture
2c) to handle
3a) a small territorial division of a country
3b) an artillery piece
3c) a deep valley with high steep sides
4a) a hut
4b) to strike with surprise or horror
4c) a husk
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, August 16, 2017.         
Funny definitions………………..  
 1. Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
2. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
3. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
4. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
5. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
6. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
7. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
8. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
9. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
10. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
11. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.😎
12. Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
13. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
14. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
15. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
16. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
17. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
18. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
19. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”
20. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire,
and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, “Only take one.
God is watching.” Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”😁

  

   

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Where do you live?”
“In the city.”
“You have a house?”
“Apartment.”
“Own or rent?”
“Rent.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“Lots of things.”
“Where’s your office?”
“I don’t have one.”
“How come?”
“I don’t need one.”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“How come?”
“It’s a long story.”
“You have kids?”
“No I don’t.”
“How come?”
“It’s an even longer story.”
“Are you my Dad’s brother?”
“What’s your record for consecutive questions asked?”
“38.”
“I’m your Dad’s brother alright.”
“You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.”
“How nice of you to notice.”
“I’m a kid – that’s my job.”
ANSWER: Uncle Buck! This is where Uncle Buck gets questioned by his
nephew Miles who doesn’t remember him. I love this movie. I really like the part
for Miles’ birthday, and Buck makes huge pancakes for breakfast, and later punches the clown in the nose.

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“No, no my dear. You will burn in Hell. But not I, for I am King…ordained by God!”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….   
Can you decipher this phrase:
1) Rib
2) Rib <—
3) Rib <—
4) Rib
5) Rib <—
6) Rib
7) Rib <—
ANSWER: Prime Ribs 
 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….    
Aviva was planning to take a trip around the world. She liked names that were similar to hers, so she made a list of places she would like to visit.
However, one of these places doesn’t belong. Which one is it?
Arrawarra, Australia
Caraparac, Peru
Daba Qabad, Somalia
Krape Park, United States
Nagubugan, Philippines
Oktahatko, Florida
Ilokano, Polynesia
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, August 15, 2017.         
Signs of the times……
SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE: “We will heel you. We will save your sole. We will even dye for you.”
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck: “Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”
At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter, and healthier
– and people who live in trees make more cookies.” -Seth Meyers
“Wal-Mart is testing out an app that would allow shoppers to skip the checkout line.
Currently that service is known as shoplifting.” -Conan O’Brien
“Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they’ve gone natural. I first assumed that natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. I don’t get it. I was not aware, first of all, that a packet of orange dust was a technically a recipe.” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.
In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, “Vat sims to be ze problem?”
Harvey says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go ‘tick-tocktick -tock’ anymore. Now it just goes ‘tick…tick…tick.'”
The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit.
He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.
He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice, “Ve haf vays of making you tock!” 😎

 

   

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“I don’t shut up, I grow up and when I look at you I throw up.”
ANSWER: Stand By Me! Gordie tells the group to ‘shut up’, and in unison Vern,
Chris and Teddy reply with their cute little quote that everyone’s heard.

I liked the story line, and the friendships between the guys that Gordie remembers and talks about.
I don’t know how many of you used to say this to your friends or family members, but I know I did!
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “Where do you live?”
“In the city.”
“You have a house?”
“Apartment.”
“Own or rent?”
“Rent.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“Lots of things.”
“Where’s your office?”
“I don’t have one.”
“How come?”
“I don’t need one.”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“How come?”
“It’s a long story.”
“You have kids?”
“No I don’t.”
“How come?”
“It’s an even longer story.”
“Are you my Dad’s brother?”
“What’s your record for consecutive questions asked?”
“38.”
“I’m your Dad’s brother alright.”
“You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.”
“How nice of you to notice.”
“I’m a kid – that’s my job.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
Fill in the words that are empty by using words that will connect with the previous one.
EXAMPLE: Towel, Rack. (You have the words Towel and Rack, but when put together it becomes “Towel rack”.)
Try to connect tool to chain.
Tool
B_ _
C_ _
K_ _
Chain
ANSWER: Tool  Box  Car  Key  Chain 
 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    
Can you decipher this phrase:
1) Rib
2) Rib <—
3) Rib <—
4) Rib
5) Rib <—
6) Rib
7) Rib <—
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, August 14, 2017.        
Thinking Out Loud on Monday………….. 
  1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
3. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
4. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
5. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
6. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
7. What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope. 😁
8. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.😐
9. So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
10. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
11. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
12. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
13. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
14. This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
15. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”
16. I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.
17. Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
18. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.
19. What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.  Icy dead people.
20. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
21. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need
you to help me get to the other side!” The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “Taco Bell announced it will begin selling a potato-rito, which is beef, cheese, potatoes, and chipotle spice wrapped in a tortilla for $1. Or, for the same nutritional value, just eat the dollar.” -Seth Meyers
“The Mars Curiosity Rover celebrated its fifth year in space by humming ‘Happy Birthday’ to itself.
The Rover then drank a bottle of white wine and cried itself to sleep.” -Conan O’Brien
“Vin Diesel is with us tonight. Vin is not his real name. His real name is Vehicle Identification Number.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, “Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?”
The sad fellow said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars.”
“I’m sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?”
“Hold on, I’m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear.”
“Well, you can’t be disappointed with that!”
“Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars.”
“Incredible… so how come you look so glum?”
“Well, this week…nothing!”😐

 

 

   

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“They used to call me Crazy Joe. Well now they can call me Batman!”
ANSWER: Lean On Me! The principal Joe Clarke says this while holding a baseball bat in
the new school that he has been assigned too. They’ve made quite a few movies that resemble this particular movie.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“I don’t shut up, I grow up and when I look at you I throw up.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
Four brothers make this royal band,
Mixed and handed out from stacks,
Three with sword and one with axe,
A strong force when held by one hand.
What does this refer to?
ANSWER: The kings in a deck of cards! The hint refers to the last line in the riddle, because four kings, or four of a kind, beats a full house, or cramped dwelling.
 
 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….    
Fill in the words that are empty by using words that will connect with the previous one.
EXAMPLE: Towel, Rack. (You have the words Towel and Rack, but when put together it becomes “Towel rack”.)
Try to connect tool to chain.
Tool
B_ _
C_ _
K_ _
Chain
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, August 11, 2017.        
REALLY BAD PUNOGRAPHY……
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis
I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!
Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.
What is the name of an Asian pilot who died in a plane crash? Sum Ting Wong.
I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
What’s the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
1. Any idiot can face a crisis – its the day to day living that wears you out.
2. Everything has been figured out. Except how to live.
3. Life is like a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can spend it only once.
4. Be nice to people on your way up, because you will need them on your way down.
5. Hope life is not a big joke, because I do not get it.
6. Life is like a taxi, the meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or standing still.
7. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment
8. Life isn’t worth living unless you’re willing to take some big chances and go for broke
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that
over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” 😐

   

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Shop smart, shop S-mart!”
ANSWER: Army Of Darkness! Ash says this as he is standing on the counter of the store he works in holding his gun. If you haven’t seen this movie, I highly suggest it for a good laugh 🙂
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“They used to call me Crazy Joe. Well now they can call me Batman!”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….   
Mice are famous for their ability to multiply at breakneck speeds. The type of mouse we have here gives birth once a month, birthing 12 babies each time. Baby mice mature and can give birth two months after they are born.
You picked up one of these cute baby mice at the pet shop and brought it home the day
after it was born. In 10 months from now, how many mice will you have?
ANSWER: One. The mouse cannot birth any babies by itself.😁
 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….    
Four brothers make this royal band,
Mixed and handed out from stacks,
Three with sword and one with axe,
A strong force when held by one hand.
What does this refer to?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

funny-grumpy-cat-hates-you-when-you-are-talking
WELCOME to Thursday, August 10, 2017.       
Thinking out loud……… 
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
A day without sunshine is like…, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
OK,….. so what’s the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Thursday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“A school district in Florida is eliminating homework for all school students this year.
Officials say it’s fine because a lot of students are already reading at a fifth grade level.
Unfortunately a lot of those students are in 10th grade.” -James Corden
“ABC is dropping plans for a live musical of ‘The Little Mermaid’ because of budget issues. Also, because nobody can hold their breath underwater for two hours.” -Jimmy Fallon
“The WWE has trademarked the Bible verse numbers 3:16. It refers to one of the Bible’s most quoted verses, John 3:16: ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that those who believe in him shall not die but have eternal life.’ Or, as the WWE will now put it,’Christ-a-mania is running wild! Woo, baby!'” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply…
“Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down
by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics.”😐😎

   

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“How do we seem to you? Do you find us beautiful, magical? Our white skin, our fierce eyes? “Drink” you ask me, do you have any idea of the thing you will become?”
ANSWER: Interview With the Vampire! This is when Claudia brought a woman to Louis for him to change for her. His words were spoken to the woman. I liked the movie…I still have yet to read the book, but I hear it is better. 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “Shop smart, shop S-mart!”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
I was on a road trip with a friend when we drove past a very tall radio tower. I told my friend “That thing has to be at least a thousand feet tall!” He looked out the window for a moment, and said “I’ll bet it’s closer to 1500 feet.” We stopped at a gas station and asked how tall the tower was, and it was exactly 1500 feet tall! Now that I owe my friend a steak dinner, how could he tell how tall the tower was?
ANSWER: Radio towers are always painted with alternating red and white stripes. If the tower is over 700 feet tall, every stripe is 100 feet high. My friend just counted the 15 stripes and knew immediately it was 1500 feet tall. This only works if it’s over 700 feet; if it’s under 700 feet, the tower will always have seven stripes. Bonus Factoid: The top stripe on the tower is always red.

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….    
Mice are famous for their ability to multiply at breakneck speeds. The type of mouse we have here gives birth once a month, birthing 12 babies each time. Baby mice mature and can give birth two months after they are born.
You picked up one of these cute baby mice at the pet shop and brought it home the day
after it was born. In 10 months from now, how many mice will you have?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/