Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday July 31, 2018.

Quotes to lighten up your day!
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister . . and now wish to withdraw that statement. ~Mark Twain😎
The  secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible. ~George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea … Visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one,
you’ll become a philosopher. ~Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe. ~Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can
be trained to do most things. ~Jilly Cooper
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol,
caffeine, sugar and fat. ~ Alex Levine
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first. ~ Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. ~Ed Furgol
Money can’t buy you happiness . but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~Spike Milligan
What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money. ~Henny Youngman
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

DAILY QUOTES…

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? Groucho Marx

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them. Edwin Arlington Robinson

The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson. Woody Allen

The poor wish to be rich. The rich wish to be happy. The happy wish to be married. The married wish to be dead. Ann Landers

It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean. Mae West

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. Benjamin Franklin

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. Harry S. Truman.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Anonymous

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no. Unknown.

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I
listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague.
We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes.

One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking
sweet potatoes, one of her husband’s favorites. “I’ve finally
been able to make them sweet,” she said, “but how do you make
them orange?”😱😐😁😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???“Open the pod bay doors, HAL.” “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

 

ANSWER: 2001: A Space Odyssey! “2001 A Space Odyssey” (1968) was one of the world’s most visually spectacular movies when it was released. The screenplay was written by Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke, based Clarke’s short story “The Sentinel”. (1948). Clarke released a novel of the same name after the movie was released. The story is minimal: A monolith is discovered in pre-historic times and another on the moon in contemporary time. The monolith has a role in the evolutionary practices on Earth. A race is on to find the third monolith near Jupiter. However only the anthropomorphic computer HAL knows the real mission with the five astronauts mere pawns in the process.  The crux comes when the computer will not let the last astronaut back into the spacecraft as the computer fears he (it) will be shut down by Bowman. This was a visually spectacular movie (remember this was the sixties) known for its minimalist dialogue, its lack of stars and a classical music score. In 2010, it was named the greatest film of all time by one leading video movie journal.
 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? A: “There’s a storm coming.” B: “I know.”

Monday’s Quizzer is……. In Mrs. Farstaff’s Science class, they are holding a contest. She has a glass bottle, and a little bronze ball, the size of which is the exact same as the hole in the bottle. Mrs. Farstaff is giving the student who can put the ball in the bottle, without breaking the glass or destroying the ball somehow, an iPOD.

In her room there is a microwave, petroleum jelly, a stove, and a freezer.

Six of her seven students attempted this feat, but with no luck.

After the sixth student, the seventh, Geoff, comes up to the bottle and the ball. He thinks of using one of the tools in Mrs. Farstaff’s room at his disposal, and uses one (not the jelly as it was already proven to not work) and five hours later, gets the ball in the bottle and his free iPOD.   How did he do it?

Answer:  He put the little ball in the freezer for five hours, and left the bottle outside. The bronze ball will contract in the cold of the freezer, but the opening of the bottle will be the same size as it was. This makes it easy for the ball to go into the bottle.

Tuesday’s Quizzer is……Complete these words using every letter of the alphabet once only…

on_ _
_e_ra
_as_a
_ _ter
ac_ _i_e
cu_ _o_
_ _it
_al_
_u_gle
_to_e
_ _a_o_d













LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store
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Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday July 30, 2018.

In order to make the world a better place, the following rules will take immediate effect across the planet.

1. It is no longer permitted to be stupid and slow. You must choose one or the other.😱😁😎

2. If in the course of parking your car you are not able to maneuver the vehicle into a

space in less time than it takes to undergo and recover from open heart surgery,
it is not permitted to park in that space.

3. If you are waiting for an elevator that is slow to come and you are the sort of person

who pushes the call button repeatedly in the belief that it will make a difference,
you are no longer permitted to use elevators.

4. Boxes of Christmas cards that carry messages like “May your holidays be wrapped in warmth and touched with wonder” must bear a label on the outside of the box saying:

“Do Not Purchase – Message Inside Is Embarrassing and Sentimental.”

5. In office buildings and retail premises in which entry is through double doors and one of those doors is locked for no reason, the door must bear a large sign saying: “This Door Is Locked for No Reason.”

6. Liver and goat cheese will no longer be regarded as foods. In fancy restaurants, salads may no longer contain anything that can be found growing at the side of any public highway.

7. When standing in line at a retail establishment, it is not permitted to engage the sales assistant in conversation regarding the weather, the health or personal relationships of mutual acquaintances or other matters not relevant to the purchase.

7a. Anyone who reaches the front of a line and says, “Now what do I want?” and purses his lips thoughtfully or drums his fingers on his chin while studying the ordering options as if for the first time will be taken outside and shot. 😁

8. Any electronic clock on which the time is set by holding down a button and scrolling laboriously through the minutes and hours is illegal. Also, when you are trying to set the alarm for, say, 7:00 a.m. and the numbers get to about 6:52 and then suddenly speed up and you discover that you have gone past the desired hour and have to start all over, that is extremely illegal.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

DAILY QUOTES… 

“Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student in 1743 asking his parents
for money. On the bright side, just this year his student loans were finally paid off.” -Conan O’Brien

“Indonesia’s anti-drug chief is proposing that the country put narcotics offenders in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles. The plan is to send the inmates food supplies every day but they will have to survive on their own. This already sounds like a reality TV show I would totally watch.” -James Corden

“New research has found that contrary to popular belief, it could be beneficial for women to eat and drink while in labor. Though I don’t think the other people in the restaurant would be too happy about it.” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. (Repost)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. 😐😱😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage.”?  

ANSWER: Raiders of the Lost Ark! “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, released in 1981, was the first film in the “Indiana Jones” franchise. Set in 1936, Harrison Ford played Dr. Jones, an archeologist hired to find the Ark of the Covenant before it ended up in the hands of the Nazis. When his love interest Marion Ravenwood says, “You’re not the man I knew ten years ago”, Indiana Jones responds as only Indiana Jones can. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was a huge commercial and critical success. It was the highest grossing film of 1981, and went on to win 5 Academy Awards.

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Open the pod bay doors, HAL.” “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Friday’s Quizzer is……. While riding in the car I saw a license plate that read like this: IXMNIZ  What occupation did the man in the car have?😁😎

Answer: He was an optometrist. The license plate reads like this: I-XMN-IZ
(So it reads I Examine Eyes)

Monday’s Quizzer is……In Mrs. Farstaff’s Science class, they are holding a contest. She has a glass bottle, and a little bronze ball, the size of whichis the exact same as the hole in the bottle. Mrs. Farstaff is giving the student who can put the ball in the bottle, without breaking the glass or destroying the ball somehow, an iPOD.

In her room there is a microwave, petroleum jelly, a stove, and a freezer.

Six of her seven students attempted this feat, but with no luck.

After the sixth student, the seventh, Geoff, comes up to the bottle and the ball. He thinks of using one of the tools in Mrs. Farstaff’s room at his disposal, and uses one (not the jelly as it was already proven to not work) and five hours later, gets the ball in the bottle and his free iPOD.   How did he do it?






LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday July 27, 2018.

Seinfeld-isms of the day!

+ Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
+ If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
+ Does fuzzy logic tickle?
+ If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
+ I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
+ How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
+ If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
+ Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
+ What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
+ Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
+ Why do we wait until a pig is dead to “cure” it?
+ Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as “4s”?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES… France won the World Cup and they were led by a 19-year-old prodigy named Kylian Mbappe. After the game, Mbappe said winning the World Cup totally makes up for being named after a Hanson song.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The California home that was used for exterior shots on ‘The Brady Bunch’ is up for sale, and you know the three most important words in real estate: ‘Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.'” -Seth Meyers

“Thanks to new tariffs from China and Mexico, there’s now 2.5 billion pounds of meat piled up. Good news for McDonald’s AND McDonald’s Playlands. ‘Kids, go play in the meat pit.'” -Stephen Colbert

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. “Okay Simpson,” says the investigator, “you were near the scene – what happened ?” “Well, it’s like this. Old Charley was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up.” “He was smoking in the mixing room?” the investigator said in stunned horror, “How long had he been with the company?” “About 20 years, sir” “20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I’d have thought it would have been the last thing he’d have done.” “It was, sir.”😱😎

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passing.”

ANSWER: To Kill A Mockingbird (1962)! In “To Kill A Mockingbird”, Jean Louise’s father Atticus Finch is a lawyer who defends a black man wrongly accused of rape. As Mr Finch leaves the courtroom after losing the case, Reverend Sykes in the audience prompts Jean Louise (Scout) to stand up as a mark of respect for her father who did his best to see that justice prevailed.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage.”?

 

Thursday’s Quizzer is……. In Handland the currency is fingers. What does the cost of the following sale item represent?
1 T-shirt
Normal price: 19 fingers
Sale price: 14 fingers

Answer: 5 finger discount.
If you steal something it is often called a 5 finger discount.

 

Friday’s Quizzer is……While riding in the car I saw a license plate that read like this:

IXMNIZ

What occupation did the man in the car have?😁😎

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

http://www.amazon.com

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday July 26, 2018.

HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of
a number of would-be bank robbers.

Pick The Right Bank:
You don’t want to make the same mistake as the fellow in
Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer
in business and had no money.

Study Your History:
Don’t try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield,
Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the
townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture
three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the
customers chased the guy down. They’re tight with their
dollar, those Minnesotans.

Speak To The Right Teller:
One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller,
and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out
of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat
on him until authorities arrived.

Don’t Sign Your Demand Note:
Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena
issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh… on an
envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit.
And in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a with-
drawal slip giving the robber’s signature and account number.

Don’t Advertise:
A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention
from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra
while holding up banks.

Go Easy On The Disguise:
One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up,
ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal
ever to be positively identified by lip-print.

Take Right Turns Only:
Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a
wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up
to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a
tollbooth, offered the security men money.

Be Aware Of The Time:
Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire,
Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to
escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped
in rush hour traffic until police arrived.

Consider Another Line Of Work:
Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI
robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into
his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died
instantly.

Be Strong:
Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea,
Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no
money, fainted.  He was still unconscious when the police
arrived. His getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked
inside.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…  “Tomorrow is National Tequila Day. While the day after that is National ‘Janice From HR Wants to See You in Her Office’ Day.” -Jimmy Fallon

“It’s Shark Week. The Discovery Channel gets big ratings every year for this. Meanwhile, do you know how many people are killed by sharks every year? I looked this up today. Five. There are five shark fatalities per year in the world. We are deathly afraid of an animal that kills fewer people than Tide pods.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A California town recently opened a drive-thru marijuana dispensary, or as they’re more commonly known, a Taco Bell.” -Seth Meyers

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from the bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband.
“What is it with guys that they won’t replace the toilet paper?!” I raged.
“I know,” he said, nodding in agreement. “I noticed that when I was in there earlier.” 😎

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???   “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist”

ANSWER: The Usual Suspects! In “The Usual Suspects” (1995) a boat has been destroyed and all the criminals on board are dead… except one, Roger “Verbal” Kint. The key to solving this mystery lies with him. And so begins the interrogation of Kint who proceeds to weave a convincing though twisted and convoluted story that you, the viewer, marvel at. Well have you have been deceived? Kint uses the above line when he introduces the Keyser Soze into his story, an almost mythical underworld figure that is akin to the boogeyman, a figure that parents may invoke upon their children should they misbehave. But who is this Keyser Soze? Is it Kint? Is it Kobayashi?  As the interrogator Dave Kujan says; “Convince me, and tell every last detail.

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father’s passing.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….  What do these six words have in common?
BACKSPLASH
BIRTHPLACE
MATCHSTICK
HEARTTHROB
THOUSANDTHS
ANGSTS
BONUS: What’s so special about the word ANGSTS?

Answer: All of these contain a string of five consecutive consonants uninterrupted by vowels or spaces.
BONUS: ANGSTS is the shortest word in the English language with five consecutive consonants. 

 

Thursday’s Quizzer is…… In Handland the currency is fingers. What does the cost of the following sale item represent?
1 T-shirt
Normal price: 19 fingers
Sale price: 14 fingers

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

http://www.amazon.com

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday July 25, 2018.

Funny Excerpts from Student Essays..

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History calls
people Romans because they never stayed in one place for
very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in
their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because
they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel
tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the
fiddle to them.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The
greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many
poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale
tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son’s head.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an over-
dose of wedlock.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII
found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.
Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a
success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops,
they all shouted, “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and
defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear.
Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because
of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives,
writing tragedies, comedies, and errors.

In one of Shakespear’s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his
situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In
another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the
King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an
example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as
Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The
next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.😁

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the
biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a
coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because
people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars
in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t
climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they
fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because
the Persians had more men.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…  Dumb Celebrity Quotes:
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all
over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be
skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and
stuff.” –Mariah Carey

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my
body.” –Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
–Dan Quayle, former Vice President
 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our 28-member family. As I glanced up at the
chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and light bulbs. “Don’t look up there!” my mother screamed. “It’s the one thing I was too tired to clean!” “Don’t look where?” my brother asked.
“There!” my mother pointed. “It’s my own personal web sight!”😐

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die”?😁

ANSWER:  The Princess Bride!  Mandy Patinkin played Inigo Montoya, a man obsessed with avenging the death of his father at the hands of a man with six fingers on one hand. The villain turns out to be Count Rugen, who Montoya fights and kills while saying the above line over and over again.

“The Princess Bride” tells the story of Buttercup and Westley, two star-crossed lovers who overcome great odds to wind up together. Although only a modest success at the time, it has grown in popularity and critical acclaim as time has passed.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzer is……. Can you figure out what A.A. Milne was referring to in this verse from his “When We Were Very Young” book?

She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbour:
“Winter is dead.”

Answer:  A daffodil! The poem is exactly how A.A. Milne wrote it for his son Christopher Robin, and his collections of verse and stories of Winnie-the Pooh have been favourites of children all over the world.  “When We Were Very Young” was first published on November 6th, 1924. 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzer is……What do these six words have in common?
BACKSPLASH
BIRTHPLACE
MATCHSTICK
HEARTTHROB
THOUSANDTHS
ANGSTS

BONUS: What’s so special about the word ANGSTS?

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

http://www.amazon.com

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

e2f8778b4e16d02938cfa7e0696e4e3a

WELCOME to Tuesday July 24, 2018.

Today I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time and trouble to send me “forwards” and “important” news over the past 12 months. Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about  rat crap in the glue on envelopes,  because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.  Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer drink Coca Cola  because it can remove toilet stains.  I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with meningitis. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a  water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx since they are actually radical Jihad in disguise. I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or 3 legs.  I no longer have any sneakers — but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.  I no longer have to buy expensive cookies  from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out  for me.  Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers  if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any money because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time) but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and Apple are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that *I will now return the favor!  If  you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your  head at 6:00 p.m. Minneapolis time this very evening. I know this will  occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people,  and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!

Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…  “Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would have said carjackers.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States.” -Conan O’Brien

“New documents reveal that when Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear, the woman he sent it to was a cleaner, not a prostitute as previously thought. You know, because otherwise it would have been weird.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. My uncle was giving me the grand tour of his house. The bathrooms had excessively mirrored walls but his wife preferred not to look at herself in such a compromising position. She even went so far as to place a “modesty plant” so that it obscured the view.  Now I don’t think there is anything wrong with mirrored walls in the bathroom.  I told my uncle: “You should be able to sit and reflect.” 😎

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  Chief Gillespie attempts to belittle his new partner by attacking his name and his dark skin and then asks him what they call him back in Philadelphia. “They call me MR TIBBS!” is the classic retort he receives.

ANSWER: In the Heat of the Night! Poitier plays Detective Virgil Tibbs – a stranger in town, a black man and, worse, a man whose station is higher than the police chief’s in Sparta, Mississippi. Steiger’s bigoted Chief Gillespie’s dislike of Tibbs is palpable and he’s just been put in his place by Tibbs when he looks to take the above cheap shot at him. Tibbs seems to rise to a greater height and puffs his chest out as if to fill the room when he delivers his pointed reply.

Set in a small Mississippi town where the townsfolk seem to have a deep hatred and mistrust of anyone who is an outsider, a black detective and the white local police chief must (grudgingly) work together to solve a rather unusual murder. Directed by Norman Jewison the film would win five Oscars including the coveted Best Picture. “They call me MISTER TIBBS” was listed as number 16 on the American Film Institute’s 100 Years…100 Movie Quotes. In 1970 it would also become the name of the sequel to this picture.

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die”?😁

 

 

Monday’s Quizzer is……. In this teaser you must place a 3-letter word on the dashes to complete a word on the left and to begin another word with those letters on the right.
Example:  e a r _ _ _ m e = e a r T H Y/ T H Y m e

1. f e a t _ _ _ o i c = ?
2. c o u r _ _ _ n d a = ?
3. d i s p _ _ _ o v e r = ?
4. k e e _ _ _ s i s t = ?
5. r u n _ _ _ i c e = ?

Answer:  1. featHER / HERoic
2. courAGE / AGEnda
3. dispLAY / LAYover
4. keePER / PERsist
5. runOFF / OFFice

 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…… Can you figure out what A.A. Milne was referring to in this verse from his “When We Were Very Young” book?

She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbor:
“Winter is dead.”

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

http://www.amazon.com

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Monday-Sometimes-You-Just-Cant

WELCOME to Monday July 23, 2018.

Thoughts….

  1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

    2. There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time
    to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking
    how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

    3. When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
    neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag
    himself.

    4. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be
    vague.

    5. Don’t assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

    6. A penny saved is a government oversight.

    7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the
    right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid
    the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

    8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
    because by then your body and your fat are really good
    friends.

    9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house
    is to buy a replacement.

    10. He who hesitates is probably right.

    11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t
    met everybody.

    12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone
    in mind to blame.

    13. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can
    tell when he’s really in trouble.

    14. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The”
    and “IRS” together it spells “THEIRS”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…  “The 12 boys who were rescued from a cave in Thailand last week are about to be released from the hospital. They said the first thing they want to eat is KFC. Then their doctor was like, ‘Dear God, haven’t you been through enough?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A South Carolina elementary school’s lunch program has added a food truck that serves the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It’s all in keeping with the school’s motto: ‘It’s Never Too Early To Give Up.'” -Conan O’Brien

“The website Vice has published a new article profiling items found in the New York’s subway system’s Lost and Found. The most common thing lost on the subway? An hour and a half.” -Seth Meyers

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A young college girl came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!” she cried.  “I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.  “You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”

“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the world,” he said. “Surely there must be some mistake.”  “I don’t think so,” she sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.” 😐😱😎

 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  Just beyond a midden in the Misty Mountains, a wretched creature fawns over a prized possession, “It came to me. My own. My love. My own. My precious.”

ANSWER: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring!  “The Fellowship of the Ring” is the first installment in Peter Jackson’s high fantasy film trilogy based on the novels by J.R.R. Tolkien. The story revolves around the formation of a fellowship of nine, who start out on an epic journey to return the One Ring to Mordor, where it must be destroyed.

The scene described in the question plays out in film’s opening. As is only later divulged in “The Return of the King”,  Gollum, or Smeagol as he was then called, was at first sight enchanted by the Ring of Power. The Ring had only just been recovered from a riverbed by his relative, Deagol, after being lost for two and a half thousand years. Smeagol  was so ensnared that he snuffed the life out of Deagol to claim ownership. Gollum would henceforth refer to the Ring as his Precious.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? Chief Gillespie attempts to belittle his new partner by attacking his name and his dark skin and then asks him what they call him back in Philadelphia. “They call me MR TIBBS!” is the classic retort he receives.

 

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

I beam, I shine, I sparkle white
I’ll brighten the gloom with my light
I’ll mystify and enchant all
I’ll bring out the best in you all

Goofy, bucked, green or gold
Young and charming, wise and old
Sly, cunning, empty some times
Mirthful, uplifting, within the lines

A fleeting glimpse or prolonged show
I’m sometimes sad, sometimes mean
Sometimes I’ll say more than you know
Or betray what you think you’ve seen

Now, if you know me, tell me so
You have me too, you know!

Answer:  A smile.😁

 

 

 

Friday’s Quizzer is…… In this teaser you must place a 3-letter word on the dashes to complete a word on the left and to begin another word with those letters on the right.

Example:  e a r _ _ _ m e = e a r T H Y/ T H Y m e

1. f e a t _ _ _ o i c = ?
2. c o u r _ _ _ n d a = ?
3. d i s p _ _ _ o v e r = ?
4. k e e _ _ _ s i s t = ?
5. r u n _ _ _ i c e = ?

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com.