Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday May 18, 2018.

Wit and Wisdom……

It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette
lighters and found over 15,000 matches.

Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.

Is it just me, or does anybody else find pressing F5 refreshing?

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from. Then it dawned on me. 😁

In high school, I was in the French club. All we would do is occasionally surrender to the German club.

The worst bar I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile inn. 😐

I used to be quite good at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

Everything is easier said than done. Except for talking, that’s about the same.

Don’t worry about infringing on corporate trademarks, Just Do It.

Failure is at the end of the path of least persistence.

Shouldn’t the Air and Space Museum be empty?

Somebody called me ‘pretentious’ the other day. I nearly choked on my latte.

I spent some time at my wife’s grave earlier. She’s not dead – she thinks I’m digging a pond.

What do houseflies and Mac users have in common? Neither of them understand how Windows work.

92% of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

DAILY QUOTES...

“The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot.

Like anyone goes, ‘Oh, he’s good. I like his work.'” –David Spade

“Correspondence schools are full of it. I saw an ad where they claimed

they could teach you veterinarian medicine thought the mail. Hate to

be a dog in that house. “Mail’s here!” “Yip, yip, yip!” Talk about being a

regular in the pet store, “Hey, didn’t I already sell you a puppy?” –Drew Carey

“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning experience.”

Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a “learning

experience.” It makes me feel less stupid.” –P. J. O’Rourke

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.” “It’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”  😁😎

 

 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???   ‘Rosebud.’

ANSWER: Citizen Kane! This movie was Orson Welles first motion picture. It earned 1 Academy Award in 1941.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!

“Alright, give me Hamm on 5, hold the Mayo.”

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……

What are your answers to the respective questions so that your answers to all the questions are correct?
——————————————

Question 1
The answer to Question 2 is:
A. B
B. C
C. A

Question 2
The first question with correct answer B is:
A. Question 3
B. Question 1
C. Question 2

Question 3
The only answer you have not chosen yet is:
A. A
B. B
C. C

 

Answer:  

Question 1: C
Question 2: A
Question 3: B

Just go through the answers to Question 1:
The answer can’t be “A” because then the answer to question 2 would say that the answer to Question 1 was really “B”.
The answer to Question 1 can’t be “B” either, because then question 2 would state that its own answer is “B”, when it would have to be “C”.
This leaves “C” for Question 1 and “A” for Question 2.
Question 3 must then have an answer of “B”.

 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

The following are alternate definitions for words, based on how the words sound.
For example, “To drive by the docks: P _ _ _ _ _ _ _.” would result in “PASSPORT (Pass Port)”.
Can you guess the words described below?

1. What white bears see with: P _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
2. A car’s memoirs: A _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
3. How judges get to a small island: C _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
4. To live long: D _ _ _ _ _.
5. How good a fibber one is: L _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
6. In favor of young men and women: P _ _ _ _ _ _.

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

 

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