Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday May 17, 2018.

Men’s Rules…Really…(Women should learn these)
Women, learn to work the toilet  seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you  need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and  Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to
see if we  can find the perfect present again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair  is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys  fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you’re stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes –  tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at
choosing which pair, out  of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.

If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or
angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

You can either ask us to do  something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to  be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like  Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.  Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say  “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but  it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking  about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the  shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to  foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight,
but did you know, it’s like camping.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

“Starting this week, every fast food chain in America has to post calorie counts on their menus. You can tell people are confused, because today they read the menu like, ‘I’ll have the Whopper 3,000!'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A Colorado woman was tracked down by police after blowing up a microwave at 7-Eleven. Now, that’s not the crazy part – she did it while trying to heat a cup of urine. I sympathize with this woman, I know how it can be in the morning. I mean, don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my first cup of urine.” -James Corden

“A new poll has found that a majority of Americans say that driverless cars will have a big impact on the elderly. Specifically, if they don’t cross the street fast enough.” -Seth Meyers😁


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

 ‘Fasten your seat belts; it’s going to be a bumpy night.’

ANSWER:All About Eve..

This movie not only starred Bette Davis, it also starred Anne Baxter, George Sanders, and Marilyn Monroe.
It also won 6 Academy Awards in 1950.
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘Rosebud.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……

Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A
1. Inter
2. Knead
3. Torte
4. Bleat
5. Lance

Group B

A. Dining Board
B. Spotless
C. Saltpeter
D. Playful water mammal
E. Unclothed

Answer:  

A. Bleat = (4) Table
B. Lance = (5) Clean
C. Inter = (1) Niter
D. Torte = (3) Otter
E. Knead = (2) Naked


 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What are your answers to the respective questions so that your answers to all the questions are correct?
——————————————

Question 1
The answer to Question 2 is:
A. B
B. C
C. A

Question 2
The first question with correct answer B is:
A. Question 3
B. Question 1
C. Question 2

Question 3
The only answer you have not chosen yet is:
A. A
B. B
C. C




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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