Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday May 16, 2018.

Actual Signs…..

On a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
On an electrician’s van: “We’ll remove your shorts!”
In a veterinarian’s office: “Back in 15 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
On the door to a proctologist’s office: “To expedite your visit, please back in.”
At a tailor shop: We give our customers the lowest prices and workmanship
At a Pennsylvania cemetery: “Please do not hunt during daylight”
On a septic tank business: “We’re #1 in the #2 business”
At a photo studio: “Have your kids shot while you wait!”
In a cafeteria: “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.”
In a clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”
At a teriyaki restaurant: “$3.99 Chicken Bowel!”
In a Vermont men’s store: “25 men’s wool suits, $10. They won’t last an hour!”
On a shopping mall marquee: “Archery Tournament – Ears pierced”
In a Mall: “Ears pierced, while you wait”
In a New Jersey store: “Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?”
Seen on a Taco Bell sign in Coralville, Iowa: “Everyday low value”
In a Maine restaurant: “At your service: Open 7 days a week and weekends.”
On a radiator repair garage: “Best place to take a leak.”
In the vestry of a Westminster church: “Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.”
Outside a country shop: “We buy junk and sell antiques.”
In an Ohio cemetery: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.”
In Vancouver, British Columbia, on a folding sign in front of a small language school: “English Tootering”
On a roller coaster: “Watch your head.”
On the grounds of a public school: “No trespassing without permission.”
On a Tennessee highway: “When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”
In a New Hampshire car wash: “If you can’t read this, it’s time to wash your car.”
On a fixit-shop: We can fix anything! (Please knock loudly, doorbell broken)

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries
with great pleasure.  Clarence Darrow

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back. Charlie Brown

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.  Reba McEntire

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. Mae West

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.

After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. Spike Milligan

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That’s basic
spelling that every woman ought to know. Mistinguette


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

There once was a girl named Carmen Cohen. Her mother called her Carmen and her father called her Cohen. 
It got so that she didn’t know whether she was Carmen or Cohen. 😐😱😁

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘Made it, Ma! Top of the world!’

ANSWER: White Heat!

This line was used in the final scene.
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘Fasten your seat belts; it’s going to be a bumpy night.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……

What expression is represented here?

Brrr….shake, shake….brrrrr;

me

Maple, oak, blackwood, acacia, birch and mountain-ash.

Answer: Shiver me timbers.

Brrr….shake, shake….brrrrr: shiver (Shivering)

me

Maple, oak, blackwood, acacia, birch and mountain-ash: timbers (a group of trees).

 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A
1. Inter
2. Knead
3. Torte
4. Bleat
5. Lance

Group B

A. Dining Board
B. Spotless
C. Saltpeter
D. Playful water mammal
E. Unclothed




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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