Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday April 26, 2018.

THE WOMAN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK…..

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
If they can put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there.
Tell him you’re not his type – you have a pulse.
Never let your man’s mind wander – its too little to be left out alone.
Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.
Never marry a man for money. You’ll have to earn every penny.
Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him check books.
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
H
ave a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t

forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

“In Florida, an 87-year-old man has donated 100 gallons of blood throughout his lifetime. And the weird thing is, only half of it is his.” -Conan O’Brien

“Today, Prince William and Kate Middleton welcomed their third child, a baby boy. A lot of people were betting on the name of the new royal baby. And those people have a name too–they’re called gambling addicts.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A Colorado woman was given an apple on her flight home from Paris, she put it in her bag and forgot about it, and now she’s facing a $500 fine for not declaring it at customs. I’d be suspicious of this woman, too. I mean, who eats an apple at the airport when there’s a Cinnabon right there?” -James Corden

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room.

Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single.”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

 ‘I got hit by a bus, I got shot, now you want to take my soul? What are you, the Blair Witch?’

ANSWER:

Down to Earth! Chris Rock was saying this to Chazz Palminteri after becoming a rich white man.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!

‘Come here Mr. Penguin, oh you’re a quick one.’

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

A vacationing family sitting around the campfire has the following conversation:

1. Father: What day is it? I am sure it isn’t Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
2. Mother: Well that’s not very helpful dear. Besides yesterday was Friday.
3. Father: No, now that I think about it, yesterday wasn’t Friday, tomorrow is Friday.
4. Jon: The day after tomorrow is Thursday.
5. Meg: You are nuts. Tomorrow is Thursday.
6. Mother: Actually, it’s probably Thursday today.
7. Jon: All we know for sure is that it wasn’t Sunday yesterday.

If only one statement above is true, what day of the week is it?

ANSWER:  

Number each person’s statement and write down the list of days that it could be according to each statement.

1. Monday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday
2. Saturday
3. Thursday
4. Tuesday
5. Wednesday
6. Thursday
7. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday

The only day mentioned one time is Monday. Therefore it must be Monday, otherwise one of the other statements would be true.

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Find all ten words described below.

——————-

The first word you’ll need
is a tool used to snare.
Reverse and add one:
a dwelling filled with fresh air.

Append the letter H
to find a metric sort of part.
Now change N to E to get
a smile, at its heart.

Tack on an ‘I N G’
to make a baby’s cross to bear.
Remove the center two
and find a golfer’s action there.

Add an S and drop the E’s:
A painful bite you’ll see.
Add one to the end: you will make
penny-pinching, miserly.

Put first 2 and last 2 out the door,
What’s left is really cool.
Only keep the first half of that
And now you find the fool.



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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