Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday April 17, 2018.

Confucius Jokes…

Man with one chopstick go hungry.
He who put face in fruit drink get punch in the nose.
Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like bananas.
A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who sleeps on road, wakes up feeling run down.
Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!”

Man who sink into woman’s arms will soon find arms in woman’s sink.
Man who sleep in cat house by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
Man become old when he watch food instead of waitress.
Man who dream of eating giant mushroom – wake up with no pillow.
War doesn’t determine who’s right.  War determines who’s left.
When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.😐

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

“Experts say the majority of Facebook users had their data harvested from taking online quizzes. So, it’s worse than we thought – now, Russia also knows how stupid we are.” -Conan O’Brien

“Flu season is behind us, allergy season is here. It’s nice to see people in L.A. allergic to something other than gluten for a change.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new report did not name New York City as one of the 25 best places to live in the country. ‘I’m shocked!’ said an adult New Yorker with six roommates.” -Seth Meyers

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
During his physical, a doctor asked his patient about his daily activity level.

The man said, “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight
beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive
rattlesnake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled
out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”

Impressed by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”

“Outdoorsman nothing,” replied the man, “I’m just a lousy golfer.” 😐

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Where’s the stuff, KAREN? You What? Why did you do that KAREN? That was worth sixty thousand dollars KAREN. We needed that KAREN. We were dependent on that KAREN! That’s all we got!”

ANSWER:

Goodfellas! When “Goodfellas” came out, it was a nightmare for my girlfriend at the time. Her name was Karen.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!

“If you two want to turn yourselves into a greasy spot on some country road…”

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Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

The following clues each form a unique word by themselves, add them together to get the
name of a country. Example: blue and yellow mixed + solid ground = ? Answer: green + land = Greenland

1. frozen water + solid ground of the earth = ?

2. used to refer to oneself + competed in a race = ?

3. anger or wrath + to lower an airplane from sky to ground = ?

4. a relaxing resort + not out = ?
bonus: never used + enthusiastic devotion + in addition to = ? ?

ANSWER:  

1. ice + land = Iceland
2. I + ran = Iran
3. ire + land = Ireland
4. spa + in = Spain
bonus: new + zeal + and = New Zealand
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What do the following word pairs have in common?

Tubs, Star
Jolt, Inks
Dabs, Czar
Pint, Ohms
Beet, Adds

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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