Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday April 6, 2018.

REALLY?

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed
him on it he reckoned he could stop any time….

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing
there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they’re
still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop
and they were $70! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance,
so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the arm in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: ‘A beer please, and one for the road.’

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: ‘Does this taste funny to you?’

‘Deja Moo’: The feeling that You’ve heard this bull before.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

The only way to have a friend is to be one – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist – Indira Gandhi

You must be the change you wish to see in the world – Mahatma Gandhi

A bowl belongs to whoever needs it – A Native American saying

Without memory, there is no healing; without forgiveness, there is no future – Desmond Tutu

Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something – Plato

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder – Anon

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Alan bought a horse, a religious horse it appeared. Strangely, the horse only reacted to two words: the word “Hallelujah” to make it go, and “Amen” to make it stop. Excited, Alan took his new horse out on the range and was riding it happily when he realized he was heading towards the edge of a cliff. Terrified, Alan forgot which word was the one to stop the horse.
Obviously wanting to prevent falling over the cliff to certain death, he bellowed out a prayer ending with the word – Amen. Phew! The horse stopped.
‘Hallelujah,’ shouted the relieved Alan.😐😎

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race.’

ANSWER:

Dead Poets Society
Robin Williams is brilliant in this touching and inspiring movie. I cry every time.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!

‘Do you know what we do in Russia to keep warm?’
‘Oh I can guess baby.’
‘We play chess.’
‘I guessed wrong.’

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

You may find fire within me
Though to water I’ve been compared.
You may also find a twinkle
When through my pane you stare.

When of wind I am the calm
The center holding still.
When of you, a different part
My bottom lid, my sill.

You may look into me
only to see through.
You may indeed look out of me
Through my frame of varied hue.

The riddle in three parts
as letters in my name.
The riddle shows you who I am
But tell me just the same.
Who am I?

ANSWER: An eye.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Hidden in each sentence is a word. For example, in the sentence: When I grow up, I want to be a ranger. (Hidden animal) The hidden word is BEAR from “to BE A Ranger”. Now, try to identify the hidden colors in the sentences below:

I agree not to eat all the food.
Bob decided to jump in, knowing that this is his only choice.
The sunset makes Cairo seem magnificent.
Some states ship lumber and coal on canal barges.






LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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