Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

index

WELCOME to Thursday April 5, 2018.

Really Stupid People……

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the  face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans  off each other’s head.

A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed  its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the  job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film’s depiction of  gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers  suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room.  Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he  cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the  time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the  bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book  about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be  copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds  when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later  accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went  out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged.  Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to  the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

Police in Raynor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a  metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy  machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t  telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect  confessed.

When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand  over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the  police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was  arrested.

A Los Angeles man who later said he was “tired of walking,” stole a  steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

—————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES...

“A Florida man went to court for the right to marry his laptop computer. He said his laptop is just like a wife because whenever he brings it into bed, it freezes.” -Conan O’Brien

“It just came out that Pope Francis said that there is no such thing as hell. And then he got stuck in Boarding Group C on Spirit Airlines and said, ‘Never mind, I found it.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Baby names based on the characters from ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ are becoming very popular. I feel like if you’re naming your baby after a science fiction movie character, maybe you’re not ready to have a baby.” -Jimmy Kimmel

——————————————————————————–

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
It just dawned on me why Mayberry from ‘The Andy Griffith Show’ was so peaceful and quiet …. nobody was married!

Here are the single people that come to mind. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara… in fact, the only one who was married was Otis, and he was the town drunk.

——————————————————————————–

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.’

ANSWER:  Wayne’s World
‘Party on Wayne’ ‘Party on Garth’ One of the few ‘SNL’ spin-offs that was any good.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!

‘We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race.’

——————————————————————————–

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters, so they
look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)

1. When God speaks, it is a w___ from the L___.
2 After the fl___, Noah disembarked and st___ on Mount Ararat.
3. If it doesn’t rain today, I will wa___ the garden la___.
4. He was so___ to wo___ his family by arriving home late.

ANSWER:

1. word Lord
2. flood stood
3. water later
4. sorry worry
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
You may find fire within me
Though to water I’ve been compared.
You may also find a twinkle
When through my pane you stare.

When of wind I am the calm
The center holding still.
When of you, a different part
My bottom lid, my sill.

You may look into me
only to see through.
You may indeed look out of me
Through my frame of varied hue.

The riddle in three parts
as letters in my name.
The riddle shows you who I am
But tell me just the same.

Who am I?





LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s