Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

BBJo4Gw.img

WELCOME to Monday March 19, 2018.

Life time Signs………….Really…………

SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE:
“We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.”

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:
“Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”

At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”

On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
———————————————————————————————————
DAILY QUOTES...

“A nightclub in Miami has lost its business license after a woman brought a horse onto the dance floor. In the nightclub’s defense, the horse’s ID looked real.” -Conan O’Brien

“Every appliance with a clock should have a Daylight Savings button to push. You’d only use it twice a year, but that’s more than I use the ‘Potato’ button on my microwave.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s Daylight Savings Time. Why does it have to happen on the weekend? Why can’t they do it on a Wednesday at 4:00? ‘Hey look, now it’s 5:00. Time to go home!'”-Stephen Colbert

———————————————————————————————————-

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Walking home one night, this guy hears a, “Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?”

Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and agitated pig. “What are you planning to do with that?” he asks.

“I’m carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub.”

“Why do you wanna’ do a thing like that?”

“Well, you see, it’s my wife. She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her that the price of petrol has shot up again…she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in the East again … she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and she knows that, too. Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before me, I’ll wait for her to come running to me screaming ‘THERE’S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE’S A PIG IN BATH!'”

And I’ll just turn to her and say, “Yeah, I know!” 😐😱😎

—————————————————————————————————————-

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“I spent four hours on the internet and I couldn’t find one single case of a 16-year-old girl’s heart just stopping. I spoke to three different doctors and not one of them could tell me exactly what happened to my daughter.”

ANSWER:
The Ring!

This is said by Katie Embry’s mom, Ruth. Katie dies in the beginning of the movie. The doctors said that Katie’s heart just stopped, but this does not seem right to Ruth. She wants to know why her daughter really died. Ruth says this to Rachel Keller, played by Naomi Watts, who is Katie’s aunt. Ruth is played by Lindsay Frost and Katie is played by Amber Tamblyn.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!
“That’s why he had asthma. It can’t be luck. His lungs were closed. His lungs were closed. No poison got in. No poison got in. His lungs were closed. His lungs were closed.”

—————————————————————————————————————-

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

What one three-letter word can be placed in the blanks below to make four different words?

___less
___ure
___orse
___ing

ANSWER: End

Endless
Endure
Endorse
Ending
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, you are to start with the letter ‘U’, and then each time add a letter and shuffle it to make a new word.
You need to continue this process until you reach the word ‘PRODUCE’.

Not including ‘U’, you must do this in six (6) turns.

Good luck.

U
_ _
_ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
P R O D U C E


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/


 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s