Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday March 15, 2018.

Marriage Definitions…..

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...

“A town in Israel is building an amusement park that some are calling ‘the Jewish Disneyland.’ The Jewish Disneyland still has Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, except Doc is the chief of cardiology at Cedars-Sinai.” -Conan O’Brien

“Researchers just unveiled a robot that can play Scrabble. It’s pretty realistic. It even gets bored halfway through and stops playing.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A recent study suggests that it is harder to concentrate in the winter. Said researchers, ‘For example, this study was supposed to be about traffic accidents.'” -Seth Meyers

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Caller: ‘Hi, can you connect me with Jack?’

Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’

Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the
fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can
you give me the number for Jack?’

Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’ 😐😎😱

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“I am very very sneaky sir.”

ANSWER: Mr. Deeds!

This is said by John Turturro’s character Emilio. Longfellow Deeds, played by Adam Sandler, is surprised when Emilio, his butler, sneaks up on him. Throughout the movie Emilio is constantly sneaking up on people.


Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!

“Shaun! I read your story. You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn’t read the whole thing, but who cares ’cause I gave you an A!”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

If a bull swallows a bomb, which word is the most appropriate?
Shocking, abominable, terrifying, or scandalous?

ANSWER: Abominable (a bomb in a bull) would be most appropriate.

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
There were 4 people: Somebody, Nobody, Who, and Everyone.
If Nobody didn’t do anything, then Who did. But if Somebody would have done something, Everyone would have been OK. If Everyone would have helped, Who would get the credit. But Who did it….

So, Who did it?


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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