Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday March 14, 2018.

Thoughts from Steven Wright……..
Today  I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” And I said,  “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…  he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”

I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called  Information. She said, “Hello, Information.” I said, “I can’t find my  socks.” She said, “They’re behind the couch.” And they were!

Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up  to the wall… Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown.

I got an answering machine for my phone. Now when I’m not home and  somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal. I like to  leave messages before the beep.

I don’t like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my  fish tank. I can’t hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish  go like this [[[]]][[]][[[[. I go down to the pet store — “Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday.”

I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and  went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter  in Spanish.

I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires  backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my  friend, he said, “Hey, these records are all blank.”

I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

“A  cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he  and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather  chilling.” —Stephen Fry

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

“The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” —Unknown

“A  woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist  appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend’s  houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.”  —Unknown

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A  director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger  for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to  give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.  Stallone says  “I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart”  So the Director says, “Very well, you can be Mozart” Then he turns to Arnie and says “Arnie, who would you  like to play ?” And Arnie says “Ah’ll be Bach!”😐😏😎

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
 “Now, you understand I can’t just give you new irises. Because if I do, the retinal scans will read the scar tissue, alarms will go off, and large men with guns will appear.”
ANSWER: Minority Report!

Dr. Solomon Eddie, played by Peter Stormare, says this to Tom Cruise’s character John Anderton. John goes to Dr. Solomon to get new irises, but is told he must get new eyes all together. John needs new eyes, because he is on the run and in order to be undetected he must have new eyes. He has his eyes removed and then replaced by Dr. Solomon. This allows him to have a new identity.
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!
“I am very very sneaky sir.”
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Can you discover the missing number in this series?

37, 10, 82
29, 11, 47
96, 15, 87
42, ?, 15

ANSWER: The missing number is 6. 

The number in the middle of each triple is the same as the digits of either end’s number when added together. 3+7=10=8+2 and so on.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
If a bull swallows a bomb, which word is the most appropriate?
Shocking, abominable, terrifying, or scandalous?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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