Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday March 10, 2018.  

10 words that should exist…   

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub
tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running
over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up,
examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped
on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking  around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8.PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least  twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

“Some hospital workers in Kenya have been suspended after doctors performed brain surgery on thewrong patient. I guess those brain surgeons weren’t exactly rocket scientists.” -James Corden

“The new Florida weapons bill would allow librarians to arm themselves. Now, in a related story, talking in Florida libraries is down 99 percent.” -Conan O’Brien

“This week in England, a worker at a factory that makes Coca-Cola cans was caught urinating into the cans. But Coke quickly dealt with the situation by putting a Mountain Dew label on it.” -Jimmy Fallon

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. “Dot you want her name engraved upon it?” asked the jeweler.

The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatist, steadfastly replied,

“No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws
it back in my face, I can use it again.”😐

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘”Your son has been pretending to be a substitute teacher, lecturing the students, uh, giving out homework, uh. Mrs. Glasser has been ill, there was some confusion with the real sub. Your son held a teacher-parent conference yesterday and was planning a class field trip to a French bread factory in Trenton.”
ANSWER: Catch Me If You Can! 

Principal Evans, played by Thomas Kopache, says this about Frank Abagnale Jr., who is played by Leonardo Dicaprio. Frank goes to a new school. When he goes to class he starts teaching the class, instead of being a student. This quote is said in a conference the principal has with Frank’s parents. His parents are played by Christopher Walken and Nathalie Baye.
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!
“You think I want money? What I want is my morning back. I need my time back. Can you give me my time back? Huh? Can you?”
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Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

This one is a “mental” exercise – don’t use paper and scissors – just imagine in your mind:

Take a sheet of paper – any size that you happened to have (remember, just imagine this paper).  Now fold this sheet of paper in half and now fold it in half again, at right angles to the first fold. Now you have four thicknesses of paper. Now imagine you use scissors and cut through all four thicknesses, right down the middle of the paper, parallel to the first fold you made. Now, imagine, how many pieces of paper do you have now? Don’t get paper and scissors to solve this one – try to picture this in your mind!

ANSWER:  You will have 3 pieces of paper after the cut. It won’t matter which direction you make the cut with the scissors – you’ll end up with 3 pieces of paper. Don’t believe it? Now go get the paper and scissors and actually do this – you’ll see!

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Throw some anagrams around!In the sentences below, there are 10 jumbled phrases. Each is an anagram of a word or phrase that helps complete the story. Can you decipher all 10?

The kids were playing on the WET SIGNS, Uncle Frank and Jack from next door were playing a game of HOSS HEROES, and it was time for the grill. The THICK TRIO was lighted, and the TOAST PIE had been dusted off. Kristen, their teenager, was stretched out on the EAGLE CUSHION and talking on her CLONE HELP as usual. The RUM LABEL offered some shade, and it was time for the announcement:
“NO HBO CONCERT!” This followed by PRESCRIBE MAD HUB and a genial reminder: SHOCK TOE SKI!

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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