Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday March 8, 2018.  

As you know, Neanderthal man may have interbred with modern man.

His descendants are with us even today, passing for full-blooded Homo sapiens.

If you suspect a “touch of the old hand ax” in your ancestry, score yourself on this test:

1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? If so, give yourself five points.

2. Can you lock your knees in an upright position? If not, take five points.

3. Got a chin? If the answer is no, add three points.

4. How about a forehead? If not, add another three points.

5. Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? Then give yourself five points.

6. Do you ever open Coke bottles with your teeth? If you do, add ten points.

7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels than sitting in a chair? Take five points.

8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not, add one point for every five degrees of slope.

9. Less than five feet tall? Add one point for every inch under.

10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm, add one point for every inch of difference.

11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs.

12. Pigeon-toed? Five points.

13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club? You’re normal–no points.

14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big enough to hold an apple? Add five points.

15. Do you regularly eat apples in this way? Add fifteen points.

16. Do people think you’re wearing your hair in a bun when you’re not? Give yourself ten points.

17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and an overcoat? Take five more points.

18. Is your nickname “Duke”, “Butch”, or “Animal”? Three points.

Scroll down for your score….

Scoring:
0-20 points:
You are a virtually pure Homo sapiens. Feel free to build bridges, compose symphonies,
and overrun the world.

20-40 points:
A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will occasionally have spells of primitive behavior, crawling around on all fours and whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one will notice.

40-60 points:
You can still function quite well in the modern world, but avoid eating in fancy restaurants lest your table manners give you away.

60-80 points:
Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should consider a career in pro football.

80-100 points:
Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City; there is no place for you in human society. Try running for public office instead, there is a place waiting for you in the Trump organization where you will make America great again…..that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

“Pizza Hut introduced a pair of athletic shoes that have a button that orders pizza.
When they heard about it, fans of Pizza Hut said, ‘What are athletic shoes?'” -Conan O’Brien

“Apple employees keep walking into glass walls at their new campus in California. An Apple customer said, ‘Oh, so you DO know how to make glass that doesn’t shatter.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen has announced he will invest $125 million in a research lab to teach artificial intelligence machines common sense. I’m not sure I like the idea of inanimate objects having common sense. I don’t need my refrigerator telling me, ‘Yeah, maybe you don’t need any more ice cream.'” -James Corden

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
In the office where I work, there is a constant battle between our technical-support director and customer-service personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too low. The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position, announced one afternoon, “We need to keep the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat.” Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my shivering colleagues retorted, “Yeah right. So how did they keep the computers from
overheating before there was air conditioning?”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Why is a soap bubble round? Because it is the most energy efficient configuration. Similarly, on your
planet I look like you; on ________ I look like a _______ian.”

ANSWER: K-Pax!

“K-Pax (2001) starred Kevin Spacey as Prot, a mysterious patient in a mental hospital. He has astounding intellect and claims to be from another planet. In this quote he is answering a question from Dr. Powell (Jeff Bridges) wondering why he looks like everyone else if he is indeed an alien. Although this movie was not great, it should have
received more attention than it did.
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!
“__________________________! Hey, this is not a test! This is rock-n-roll! Time to rock from the Delta to the DMZ!”

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

 I live in a place where some people find me useless,
There is at most times only one other person like me,
I live in a place where we are ruled by 4 Kings and Queens,
I live in a place where there are only 4 races….
Who am I and where do I live?

ANSWER:

I am a Joker and I live in a standard deck of 52 cards plus jokers.
I live in a place where some people may find me useless = some people don’t use jokers
There is at most times only one other person like me = usually only 2 jokers per deck
I live in a place where we are ruled by 4 Kings and Queens = There are 4 Kings and Queens in a deck
I live in a place where there are only 4 races…. = only 4 suits
Get it now?


Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
The following clues each form a unique word by themselves, add them together to get the name of a country. Example: blue and yellow mixed + solid ground = ? Answer:
green + land = Greenland

1. something that will make you sick + an indefinite number = ?

2. half of the width of an em + an organ for secreting = ?

3. a swindle + to move or travel = ?

4. an animal’s shelter + a visible sign = ?


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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