Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

easter_dog

WELCOME to Friday March 30, 2018.

Easter Bunny’s Funnies…

Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.

Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken!

Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A: A receding hareline.

Q: Why did the magician have to cancel his show?
A: He’d just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.

Q: What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A: A slam duck.

Q. What do Easter Bunny helpers get for making a basket?
A. Two points, just like anyone else on the team.

Q. What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
A. The Ether Bunny

Q: What’s the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?
A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.

Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It’s been nice gnawing at you.

Q: Why did the rabbit cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken’s day off.

  

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Easter weekend people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life.   S.D. Gordon

He who wants Lent to seem short should contract a debt to be
repaid at Easter.  Italian Proverb

Easter tells us that life is to be interpreted not simply in terms of things
but in terms of ideals.  Charles M. Crowe

Easter, so longed for, is gone in a day.  James Howell

“There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend
with CHOCOLATE.”  Linda Grayson, “The Pickwick Papers”

“All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and
then doesn’t hurt!”  Lucy Van Pelt, “Peanuts”

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Rules of Chocolate Easter Eggs

If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit,
so eat as many as you want.

Diet tip: Eat an Easter egg before each meal.

It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and that way you’ll eat less.

If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all
your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.  Calories are afraid of
heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives.  Preservatives make you look younger.

The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate eggs home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat the eggs in the car park.

Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because no one wants to quit.

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘…for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me.’

ANSWER: Labyrinth! Jim Henson and George Lucas team up for this 80’s classic fantasy
starring none other than David Bowie!

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘Fresh breath is the priority of my life.’

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Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence. Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)

1. Now that I can fly a kite, I don’t m___ the w___.
2. Children in Alabama could be called the Deep So___ yo___.
3. That bully must ce___ to te___ his fellow students.
4. By his 18th birthday, the prince had gr___ into his cr___.

ANSWER:

1. mind wind
2. south youth
3. cease tease
4. grown crown
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
“One of the volcanoes on the Hawaiian islands just erupted and sent all kinds of rock and ash into the air! I just saw it on the news!”, Fred spouted, running into the room. Everyone paid close attention to the television set as they changed it to the news channel. Liz, knowing that isn’t true said, “Hawaii? I think not”. How did Liz know the eruption never happened?😎
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

ds54-27
WELCOME to Thursday March 29, 2018.

Humor about the old…
OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved
OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground
OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out
OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium
OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way
OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket
OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose
OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory
OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust
OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged
OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it!      

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

——————————————————————————————————
DAILY QUOTES...

“I read about a man in Ohio who just ended his streak of eating Chipotle for 500 straight
days. When asked why he decided to stop, his family said, ‘Oh, he died.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“For the first time ever, scientists have created artificial life. The hope is that it can revolutionize healthcare, generate clean energy, become super-intelligent, take over the world, make us all its slaves, etc.” -Jimmy Kimmel

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family
in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him
“Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins-if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen
Amal. 😐

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Guns for show, knives for a pro. Is there something you’re not telling us, Soap?’

ANSWER: Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels!

This English film is one of my favorites. It’s really funny.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘…for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me.’

——————————————————————————————————- 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for
one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone

ANSWER:

1) green, greet, greed
2) adept, adapt, adopt
3) jury, bury, fury
4) oval, oral, opal
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters,
so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)

1. Now that I can fly a kite, I don’t m___ the w___.
2. Children in Alabama could be called the Deep So___ yo___.
3. That bully must ce___ to te___ his fellow students.
4. By his 18th birthday, the prince had gr___ into his cr___.




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

ds54-20WELCOME to Tuesday March 27, 2018.

11 Things I Learned From Action Movies….. 
1.  My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my  father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for  me before I kill him with my bare hands.

2. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will  never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When  people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a ‘flesh wound,’ which  will be tended to by a beautiful woman.

3. Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always  happen about three seconds before one does to stop it from exploding.

4. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.

5. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.

6. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.

7. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or  game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will  then try to kill me.

8. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like ‘Rick,’ or ‘Steve.’

9. Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and  ask, “When’s the last time you got any sleep?” They will never ask when I  last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those  things either.

10. The aliens will always be overpowered by the humans in the end  though their fighting may result in a lot of casualties and destruction.

11. If everyone in a team dies, it’s the last man’s job to win the fight against his enemy.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

—————————————————————————————————
DAILY QUOTES...

“A 102-year-old woman broke a pair of world track and field records. The 102-year-old
ran the 100-meter dash with a time of ‘February.'” -Conan O’Brien

“There’s a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later.
If you’re too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise
them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What do these little
monsters want from us?” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Engineers have crafted a futuristic jet pack that lets you fly up to 10,000 feet in the air.
It even has a cool name: It’s called ‘YOU Try It First.'” -Jimmy Fallon

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor’s back porch, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, “Did you hear that Fluffy died?”

The guy stumbles around and says, “No.. umm.. no.. I didn’t. what happened?”

The neighbor replies, “We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!”😐

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Haha you fool! You’ve fallen for one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is this: Never go against a Sicillian when DEATH is on the line!’
ANSWER: The Princess Bride!

‘As you wish!’ Such a beautiful movie! Romance for the girls, action for the guys! Rob Reiner’s classic stars Cary Elwes and Robin Wright-Penn). This line comes from the classic scene in which Wesley outsmarts Vencini.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘Guns for show, knives for a pro. Is there something you’re not telling us, Soap?’

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Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

Complete the words below using three consecutive letters in alphabetical order, e.g. _ _ A _ U S; add A B and C it would become ABACUS.

1. F _ _ R I _,

2. T H I _ _ _,

3. A _ U _ _ A,

4. _ _ _ I N E,

5. A _ _ _ T E,

6. _ _ _ A C K.

ANSWER: 1. Fabric, 2. Thirst, 3. Alumna, 4. Define, 5. Astute, 6. Hijack

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a
different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

AAr3btB

WELCOME to Monday March 26, 2018.

10 Bungling Burglar Stories…

1. Investigating a purse snatching in Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief’s description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an ID. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, ‘Yeah, that’s the woman I robbed.’

2. In Nashville, they tell of a burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.

3. In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn’t get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn’t fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran……but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall. Unplugging it, he tried again, but a diner knocked him to the him and called the police.

4. In Rhode Island, police were sure they had the right man when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters.

5. Texas authorities, responding to a store robbery, seized a man who was fleeing naked. He said he’d stripped after the job because he figured his clothes would make him identifiable.

6. In Lawrence, Kansas, officers tracked a midnight thief who prided himself on his running speed by following the red lights on his high-tech tennis shoes.

7.In Virginia, a janitor went to great lengths to avoid ID. in a “Seven-Eleven” robbery, using a ski mask and rental car for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which said “Cedar Woods Apartments” and had his name, Dwayne, stitched across the front.

8.Two robbers in Michigan, USA, entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move!’ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.😁😁😁😁😁

9.A robber, in a town in Germany, was caught after he escaped with his swag but he left his trousers behind. Police successfully arrested him at a railway station trying to board a train in his underpants.

10. A bungling Australian car thief was nabbed after accidentally locking himself in the vehicle he was trying to steal in Adelaide, Australia.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

———————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES...

“YouTube is planning a ‘Karate Kid’ series that follows the characters 34 years later.
The show is entitled ‘Ralph Macchio’s Mortgage Is Due.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A giant snowstorm hit the entire East Coast today. People spent the morning posting
pictures of the storm on Facebook, and Facebook spent the afternoon selling them.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A new poll has found that a majority of Americans believe the government is spying
on them. ‘No, we’re not,’ said your microwave.” -Seth Meyers

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury of which to be proud. A defendant was on trial for murder.  There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.  In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. ‘Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all, ‘the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.  ‘Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.  ‘He looked toward the courtroom door.  The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed.  Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, ‘Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with
anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.’ The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.  A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. ‘But how?’ inquired the lawyer.  ‘You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.’  The jury foreman replied, ‘Yes, we did look, but your client didn’t look he just stared straight ahead.’😐

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘You were suppose to fire UP! WE both fired up! It’s like living with a six year old!’

ANSWER: Three Amigos!

This is from one of my favorite movies. It’s a classic Lorne Micheals produced flick featuring Chevy Chase, Steve Martin and Martin Short. This line is from the famous Invisible Swordsman and Singing Bush scene.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘Haha you fool! You’ve fallen for one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is this: Never go against a Sicillian when DEATH is on the line!’

—————————————————————————————————— 

Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

Using the following hints, how can you get from the first word to the fourth word to the seventh word?

Word 2 is a synonym of Word 1. One letter of the second word has been changed to make Word 3.
Word 3 was changed to present tense to make Word 4. Word 5 is a synonym of Word 4.
One letter was removed from Word 5 to make Word 6. Word 7 is a synonym of Word 6.

Giant _____ _____ Bite _____ _____ Chop

ANSWER:  Giant to Big to Bit to Bite to Chew to Hew to Chop.

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Complete the words below using three consecutive letters in alphabetical order, e.g. _ _ A _ U S; add A B and C it would become ABACUS.

1. F _ _ R I _,

2. T H I _ _ _,

3. A _ U _ _ A,

4. _ _ _ I N E,

5. A _ _ _ T E,

6. _ _ _ A C K.



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

8a99ccf49782728104d131b0e8f372d1--friday-dog-happy-friday

WELCOME to Friday March 23, 2018.

Play with Words – Illogical, Yet Funny English Language…
The market garden was designed to produce produce.
The city tip was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
In the boat, a row erupted among the oarsmen about how to row.
The nurse wound the crepe bandage around the wound.
Dessie decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Chloe was too close to the door to close it.
When Ted saw the tear in the painting he shed a tear.
How can I intimate my thoughts to my most intimate friend?
Sherrie shed her shoes in the shed.
In terms of weight lead is in the lead.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Why do our noses run but our feet smell?
I did not object to the object.
Freddie filled in his form by filling it out.
Why do performers recite a play, yet play at a recital?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything. – Arabian Proverb

No road is long with good company. – Turkish Proverb

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. – Jewish Proverb

Shared joy is double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. – Swedish proverb

Failure teaches success. – Japanese Saying

By learning you will teach; by teaching you will understand. – Latin Proverb

A half truth is a whole lie. – Yiddish proverb

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. – Chinese Proverb

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

In a court in Tralee, deep in County Kerry, Ireland, this conversation is reported to have taken place:
Lawyer: ‘At the scene of the accident, Mr O’Brien, did you tell the Garda officer that you had never felt better in your life?’
O’Brien the old farmer: ‘That’s right, sir.’
Lawyer: ‘Well then, Mr O’Brien, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client’s car hit your cart?’
O’Brien the farmer: ‘When the Garda arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him.
Then he went over to Darcy, my dog, who was badly hurt, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I’ve never felt better in my life.’

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I’m sick. To help me through all this. You’re my angel.”
ANSWER: A Walk to Remember!

This quote is said by Jamie Sullivan, to Landon Carter. It takes Jamie and Landon a while to get together in the movie, but eventually they are together. However, once they are together Landon discovers that Jamie is very sick and will not live much longer. Throughout the movie Jamie is very positive and never gets angry about being sick. She always makes the best of things. Jamie is played by Mandy Moore, and Landon is played by Shane West.

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘You were suppose to fire UP! WE both fired up! It’s like living with a six year old!’

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Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

In the four sentences below, are two blanks. You must fill them in with words that are either anagrams, synonyms,
antonyms, or homonyms. You can only use each of these one time each sentence. Can you figure out each word?

1. The golfer has yelled out “____,” ____ times today.

2. They began to ____ scones, and drink ____.

3. She used one ____ to look down at her wrist and see her ____.

4. He ran ____ the dog in order ____ not get bitten by it.

ANSWER:  1. The golfer has yelled out “FORE,” FOUR times today. (homonyms)

2. They began to EAT scones, and drink TEA. (Anagrams)

3. She used one EYE to look down at her wrist and see her WATCH. (Synonyms)

4. He ran FROM the dog in order TO not get bitten by it. (Antonyms)

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Using the following hints, how can you get from the first word to the fourth word to the seventh word?

Word 2 is a synonym of Word 1. One letter of the second word has been changed to make Word 3.
Word 3 was changed to present tense to make Word 4. Word 5 is a synonym of Word 4.
One letter was removed from Word 5 to make Word 6. Word 7 is a synonym of Word 6.

Giant _____ _____ Bite _____ _____ Chop



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

BBJo2cP.img

WELCOME to Thursday March 22, 2018. 

“Why aren’t you married yet?” Comebacks😎   
You haven’t asked yet.
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
What? And spoil my great life?
Because I just love hearing this question.
It gives my mother something to live for.
My fiance is awaiting parole.
I’m still hoping for a shot at Miss America.
I’m waiting until I get to be your age.
It didn’t seem worth a blood test.
I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
What? And lose all the money I’ve invested in running personal ads?
I don’t want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
Why aren’t you thin?
I’m married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

“Golfer Rory McIlroy said there should be a limit to how much alcohol fans can buy at events because they’re getting too rowdy. And also, he’s tired of hearing drunk people
try to say ‘Rory McIlroy.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Actress Cynthia Nixon today announced her bid to run for New York governor, and she debuted her campaign slogan, ‘Nixon 2018: No Relation.'” -Seth Meyers

“In financial news, billionaire investor Warren Buffett is facing some criticism after saying in a recent interview, ‘You will not be way happier if you double your net worth.’ Spoken like someone who has $90 billion. But he is partially right. Happiness does not come from net worth. It comes from the things you can BUY because of your net worth.” -James Corden

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A woman said to her friend, “I don’t know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can’t imagine. He doesn’t put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things.”

The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I laid the law down firmly with my husband. I told him, ‘Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'”

The first woman asked, “Did it help?”

Her friend said, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since.”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“I’m gonna be 17 until the end of the world!”

ANSWER: Tuck Everlasting!

Jesse, played by Jonathan Jackson, says this quote. His family, the Tucks, all drank water from a fountain that made them immortal. None of them will ever grow older or die. Jesse meets a girl named Winnie, played by Alexis Bledel. Jesse tries to get her to drink the water, so they can live forever together. Winnie has a big decision to make; she is given the option of immortality. This quote is said when Jesse is explaining to Winnie what happened to his family.

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!
“Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I’m sick. To help me through all this. You’re my angel.”


Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Here are more movie alternates, but this time they are a bit more challenging.

Use synonyms of the following phrases to decode popular movie titles.

1.) Razors of Honor
2.) Wonder-male Comes Back
3.) Ruler of the Bands
4.) Endless Light of the Unstained Head
5.) Super Quartet
6.) Mandibles

ANSWER:

1.) Blades of Glory
2.) Superman Returns
3.) Lord of the Rings
4.) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
5.) Fantastic Four
6.) Jaws
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In the four sentences below, are two blanks. You must fill them in with words that are either anagrams, synonyms, antonyms, or homonyms. You can only use each of these one time each sentence. Can you figure out each word?

1. The golfer has yelled out “____,” ____ times today.

2. They began to ____ scones, and drink ____.

3. She used one ____ to look down at her wrist and see her ____.

4. He ran ____ the dog in order ____ not get bitten by it.



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/


Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday March 21, 2018. 

Here’s the story, Paresh, an Indian carpenter I once hired to help me restore my old farmhouse had just finished a difficult and hard first day on the job. A flat tire on his lorry made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw packed in, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. While I drove him home, Paresh sat in stony, thoughtful silence. On arriving, Paresh, in the way of all Indian gentlefolk, invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door to his home, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. After a cup of tea, he walked me to my car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. ‘Oh, that’s my trouble tree,’ Paresh replied.

‘I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them on the tree every night when I come home.  Then in the morning I pick them up again. Funny thing is’, he smiled winningly, ‘when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.’ That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do,don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
Alfred Lord Tennyson

Art is science made clear.
Jean Cocteau

The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it.
Benjamin Disraeli

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous
and the unpalatable. John Kenneth Galbraith

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.
Jane Wagner

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Mary was flying from Dublin, Ireland, to Chicago; she had a problem with her luggage
so she asked the Priest beside her, ‘Father, may I ask a favor?’
‘Of course child. What may I do for you?’
‘Well, I bought an expensive hair dryer for my mother’s birthday. It is unopened and I’m
afraid they’ll confiscate it because I cannot pay the 20% import duty.  Is there any way
you could carry it through customs for me?  Hide it under your robes perhaps?’
‘I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.’
‘With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.’  Said Mary.
When they got to the customs at O’Hare airport, she let the priest go first. The official
asked, ‘Father, do you have anything to declare?’
‘From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.’
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, ‘And what do you have to declare
from your waist to the floor?’
‘I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused.’
Roaring with laughter, the customs officer said, ‘Go ahead, Father’.😎😏

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Who am I? Are you sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody told you it was a happy little tale… if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world… somebody lied.”

ANSWER:  Spider-Man!

This is said in an introductory narrative by Peter Parker, who is also Spider-Man. The role of Peter Parker is played by Tobey Maguire. Peter Parker becomes Spider-Man when he is bitten by a genetically modified spider. He begins to take
on spider characteristics. Initially he uses his new powers to try to make himself money. Then his Uncle Ben is killed by a man whom Peter could have stopped. After this he decides to use his powers to help others. Uncle Ben is played by Cliff Robertson.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!
“I’m gonna be 17 until the end of the world!”

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 

Listed below are clues that refer to 2 different words. The sound of these words, put together, make a different
compound word. Also, just to make things even trickier, when you figure out the words, you might need to
switch them around to find the compound word.

Ex. A piece of bread used for making some sandwiches shaped as the fifth letter of the alphabet. (Bun + E = Bunny)

Can you figure out all the compound words?

1. A relation’s short sleep.
2. The talker was the opposite of quiet.
3. A cube-shaped vehicle.
4. Spade’s situation.

ANSWER:

1. Napkin (nap + kin)
2. Loudspeaker (loud + speaker)
3. Boxcar (box + car)
4. Suitcase (suit + case)
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Here are more movie alternates, but this time they are a bit more challenging.
Use synonyms of the following phrases to decode popular movie titles.

1.) Razors of Honor

2.) Wonder-male Comes Back

3.) Ruler of the Bands

4.) Endless Light of the Unstained Head

5.) Super Quartet

6.) Mandibles



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/