Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Balance-is-the-key-to-life

WELCOME to Tuesday February 27, 2018.  

Mother’s dictionary….

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep
you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re
sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies
wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it
and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket
aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as
to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a
child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to
make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a great Tuesday people,

and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
“A new study from the University of Sussex found that horses can recognize human emotions based on our facial expressions. Yet another reason you should never play poker with a horse — and they never pitch in for the pizza.” -Stephen Colbert

“Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If you want to stay competitive in the coffee business you’ve got to consistently provide your customers with new ways to make their orders more annoying.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it could happen much sooner.” -Conan O’Brien

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My 10-year-old daughter has decided she is an environmentalist. So she talked me into participating in an aggressive recycling effort with her.

Last week she and I took what proved to be 134 pounds of cardboard boxes to the recycling center and earned $1.34. Counting gas and ice cream, we turned a profit of -$7.85.

We’re going to use generally accepted accounting principles and see if we can apply this amount to our taxable income.

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
[answering the phone]: “Hello, __________________. Yes, of course  they’re serious … You do? You have? No kidding. Just gimme the address  …. Oh sure, they will be totally discreet. Thank you. [hangs up] We  Got One!”

ANSWER: Ghostbusters (1984)

This comedy starred Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd and Harold Ramis as the Ghostbusters. It also starred Sigourney Weaver and Rick Moranis. This quote is the Ghostbusters’ new receptionist (Annie Potts)receiving their first call for their ghostbusting services.
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Listen up, ladies and gentlemen! Our _____________ has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average footspeed over uneven ground, barring injuries, is four miles per hour. That gives us a radius of six miles …”

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Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

On a certain game show, five families were asked to match famous names to faces they were shown, and each correct guess got one point. The families made the following guesses (in order):

The Addams’ guessed Otto, Roebling, Steinmetz, Tesla, and Westinghouse.

The Bunkers guessed Tesla, Westinghouse, Otto, Steinmetz, and Roebling.

The Cunninghams guessed Roebling, Tesla, Steinmetz, Westinghouse, and Otto.

The Flintstones guessed Tesla, Roebling, Otto, Steinmetz, and Westinghouse.

The Jetsons guessed Tesla, Westinghouse, Steinmetz, Otto, and Roebling.

No two families got the same number of points. Which family walked home with the grand prize?

ANSWER:

You can assume that one family got all 5 correct (from the hint if you didn’t know that), and as such, you can choose a family to have the perfect score. Then compare their answers with the other families, and find out how the other families did. If there are any duplicate point totals, that can’t be the correct perfect total family, and you move to the next.

The correct order was Tesla, Roebling, Otto, Steinmetz, and Westinghouse. The totals for each family are

Addams = 2 (no thanks to Lurch)
Bunkers = 3 (you meathead!)
Cunninghams = 0 (the Fonz was not allowed to play)
Flintstones = 5
Jetsons = 1 (c’mon George, get off that broken treadmill)
and the Flintstones won a trip to the nearest tar pit.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.

1. To look for -> To perceive
2. Use the mind -> Slender, narrow
3. Enclosed army vehicle -> A colour; darkening of the skin
4. A colour -> Thin, pointed piece of metal
5. Tree covering -> Metal rod
6. Timber; board -> Design; a scheme developed in advance
7. Bare, plain; blunt -> Celestial night light
8. Descended in water -> Celestial night light with orbiting planets

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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