Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday February 26, 2018.  

Thoughts to get through a Crisis!

I thought I saw Gary Busey walking home, but it was just a man living with consequences.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.
Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.
The fact that you believe in something does not make it true.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
No matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion – not proof – to destroy it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
You shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
It is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
You can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
Ex-wives and Ex-husbands are like fungus, and keep coming back.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a great Monday people,

and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
“In technology news, the organization that oversees emoji’s has changed the lobster emoji after people in Maine complained that it didn’t have the correct number of legs! When they heard about this, lobsters were like “Thanks for fixing the emoji but while you’re at it, can you stop boiling us?'” -James Corden

“A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.

“And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms? Didn’t you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?”

“Yes,” she answered. “Come to think of it…there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him.”

“And, when was that?”

“When he asked for the second cup.” 😐
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“The first rule of _______________ is – you do not talk about _____________. The Second rule
of _____________ is – you DO NOT talk about _____________.”

ANSWER:

Fight Club (1999) Brad Pitt and Ed Norton star in this 1999 movie with a surprise twist at the end. The particular quote is spoken by Tyler Durden, played by Pitt, as he is explaining what Fight Club is all about to new members.
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
[answering the phone]: “Hello, __________________. Yes, of course they’re serious … You do? You have? No kidding. Just gimme the address …. Oh sure, they will be totally discreet. Thank you. [hangs up] We Got One!”

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD. SUPER SOLVING KIM. 🙇🙇🙇🙅

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Friday’s Quizzler is………. 

In this teaser, I have given you 4 words. Beside each word are a series of letter groupings. Your task is to find the answer to the word on the left by choosing one letter from each of the letter groups to the right of each clue.

Example:

Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep

Answer:

Fgo evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE

Glasses: ads hjp jje loc tpp art chr awl deg shj

Canteen: cfg ahj fgf rte ttu ioe pro ioi ear

Drink: awq ghu dfa fgh fnq

Main road: hcv dif ggh jkh lwl iay try

ANSWER:  Glasses: s p e c t a c l e s

Canteen: c a f e t e r i a
Drink: q u a f f
Main road: h i g h w a y
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
On a certain game show, five families were asked to match famous names to faces they were shown, and each correct guess got one point. The families made the following guesses (in order):

The Addams’ guessed Otto, Roebling, Steinmetz, Tesla, and Westinghouse.

The Bunkers guessed Tesla, Westinghouse, Otto, Steinmetz, and Roebling.

The Cunninghams guessed Roebling, Tesla, Steinmetz, Westinghouse, and Otto.

The Flintstones guessed Tesla, Roebling, Otto, Steinmetz, and Westinghouse.

The Jetsons guessed Tesla, Westinghouse, Steinmetz, Otto, and Roebling.

No two families got the same number of points. Which family walked home with the grand prize?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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