Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

sad-eggs
WELCOME to Friday February 23, 2018.  


Definitions..Men vs. Women..

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female – Any part under a car’s hood.
Male – The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female – Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male – Playing football without a cup.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female – The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male – Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female – A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male – Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female – A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male – Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female – An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male – A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female – The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male – Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female – A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male – A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a great Friday people,

and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
———————————————————————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES...
We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by
Frankenstein logic.  David Russell

Avoid fruit and nuts.
You are what you eat. Jim Davis

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘have you got anything for wind?’
So he gave me a kite.  Tommy Cooper

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them
is that he has taken to drink.  Booth Tarkington

Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine. David Moulton.

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. John Maynard Keynes

No furniture so charming as books. Sydney Smith

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.  Groucho Marx

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.  Kurt Vonnegut

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. HL Mencken

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.  Robertson Davies

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
here was a farmer who noticed a fly buzzing around the cow’s ear while he was milking it. Next thing you know, the fly was in the bucket of milk. The farmer says, “In one ear, and out the udder!” 
 —————————————————————————————————————————————
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
1: “He beat you with nothin’! Just like today when he kept comin back at me, with nothin’.”
2: “Yeah, well sometimes nothin’ can be a real ____


ANSWER:
Cool Hand Luke!

From “Cool Hand Luke”, starring Paul Newman as Lucas Johnson, a man who refuses to conform to the rules in the prison
camp where he is sent. In this quote he is responding to another inmate, Dragline (George Kennedy), after Luke wins a
poker hand on a bluff. You should see this movie if you haven’t. You will recognize a quote
from it: “What we have here is failure to communicate”.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“The first rule of _______________ is – you do not talk about _____________. The Second rule
of _____________ is – you DO NOT talk about _____________.”

—————————————————————————————————————————————-

Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 

These are quotes from George Carlin, one of America’s most popular wise guys. Can you decode them?

Both puzzles use the same code.

Q=M

“DPKLSUQ SU D ORO-TYRTKLP RYMDOSEDPSRO.”

“‘S DQ’ SU YLTRYPLJWB PKL UKRYPLUP ULOPLOHL SO PKL LOMWSUK WDOMADML. HRAWJ SP FL PKDP ‘S JR’ SU PKL WROMLUP ULOPLOHL?”

ANSWER:

“ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.”

“‘I AM’ IS REPORTEDLY THE SHORTEST SENTENCE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. COULD IT BE THAT ‘I DO’ IS THE LONGEST SENTENCE?”

KEY:
A=U
B=Y
D=A
E=Z
F=B
H=C
J=D
K=H
L=E
M=G
O=N
P=T
Q=M
R=O
S=I
T=P
U=S
W=L
Y=R
Z=K

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you 4 words. Beside each word are a series of letter groupings. Your
task is to find the answer to the word on the left by choosing one letter from each of the letter groups to the right of each clue.

Example:

Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep

Answer:

Fgo evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE

Glasses: ads hjp jje loc tpp art chr awl deg shj

Canteen: cfg ahj fgf rte ttu ioe pro ioi ear

Drink: awq ghu dfa fgh fnq

Main road: hcv dif ggh jkh lwl iay try

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s