Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

remember-even-lions-were-kittens-once-funny-tuesday-meme

WELCOME to Tuesday February 20, 2018.   

DID YOU KNOW?

Apples are Female – the best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for them as they’re afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Wine is Male – it begins as a grape, and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of it until it turns into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Ziploc Bags are Male – they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are Female – once turned off it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A Tire is Male – it goes bald and it is often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male – to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it (of course, there’s the hot air part, too).

Sponges are Female – they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Web Page is Female – it is always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male – it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female – over time the weight shifts to the bottom.

A Hammer is Male – it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it is handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female – it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it,and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

A Water Faucet is Female – it can turn hot or cold in just a matter of moments.

A Safety Pin is Male – it is often useful in an emergency.

A Foreign Movie is Female – it is not always completely understood.

A Computer is Female – even your smallest mistakes are stored in memory. (E-V-E-R-Y T-H-I-N-G!) 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful Tuesday people,

and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
 “A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn’t resort to violins.” -Seth Meyers

“Valentine’s Day: the day women all around the world wait eagerly to discover the new and wonderful ways their husbands and boyfriends will disappoint them.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom.” -Conan O’Brien

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 20mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.  I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions…😐
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!’
ANSWER: Dumb and Dumber
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
David- ‘YES!’
Ruby Rhod- ‘AAAAH! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT YOU SCREAMIN’ FOR?! EVERY FIVE MINUTES THERE’S SOMETHING A BOMB OR SOMETHIN! I’M LEAVIN! Bzzzzzz!’

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Monday’s Quizzler is………. 

A magazine competition invited people to come up with “invented” inventions of the cyber-age. For example, a solar powered clothes drier (a rope) and a hand-held word processor (a pencil). Can you guess what this is?
It’s a graphic media emulator. High-resolution, thin-screen monitor that produces near-perfect emulations of all graphical media. Used as cosmetic analyzer.

What is it?

ANSWER: A mirror


Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
5 + 5 + 5 = 550
Add ONE STRAIGHT LINE to the above to make the sum correct.


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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