Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday February 19, 2018.       

Gender………
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for

a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man

never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can

spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a

little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes-there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: before marriage & after.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Have a wonderful Monday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
“Valentine’s Day was yesterday. So, if I look like I didn’t get much sleep,
it’s because the couch was really uncomfortable.” -Seth Meyers

“According to a new study, children who are spanked are twice as likely as
those that aren’t spanked to get into fights and destroy things which is probably
why they get spanked in the first place.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“The former president of Trader Joe’s is opening a store that sells only
expired food. The new store will be known as 7-Eleven.” -Conan O’Brien

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of
them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week
she asked each child in turn what they had learned.

Susie said, “He was born in a manger.”

Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”

Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”

Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”

“From my Daddy,” said Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and
this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at
him, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?'” 

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Elwood- ‘It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes,
it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.’ Jake- ‘Hit it.’
ANSWER: Blues Brothers
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!’

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Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
Can you decode these stupid quotes said by different people?
“Sniomkg klils. fi yru’oe kleild, yvuo’e solt a ryev iotpnarmt rapt fo uyro eifl.” – Brooke Shields
“Het ienrtnet si a teagr ayw ot etg no teh ent.” – Bob Dole
“I velo Cnrlifaoia, I pirtlcalcay wreg pu ni Pnohiex.” – Dan Quayle
ANSWER:

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” – Brooke Shields (actress)
“The internet is a great way to get on the net.” – Bob Dole (U.S. Senator from Kansas)
“I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.” – Dan Quayle (former U.S. Vice President)
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A magazine competition invited people to come up with “invented” inventions of the cyber-age.
For example, a solar powered clothes drier (a rope) and a hand-held word processor (a pencil). Can you guess what this is?
It’s a graphic media emulator. High-resolution, thin-screen monitor that produces near-perfect emulations of all graphical media. Used as cosmetic analyzer.
What is it?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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