Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday February 14, 2018.     
Why?
Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know what time it is, but
they don’t point to their pants when they need to ask where the restroom is?
Why are there no pictures of “no flash photography” signs?
Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?
Why is is it called a roach clip? It should be called a pot holder.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why do doctors leave the room when you get undressed? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why does a pizza get to the house faster than an ambulance?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in”, but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s the extra penny?
Why is the original text in a document called “copy”?
Why do drug stores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescription, but smokers can get their cigarettes up front?
Why is the small size of a candy bar the “fun size”? It’s more fun to eat a big candy bar.
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why are there handicap parking places in front of the skating rink?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a diet coke?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Happy Valentines Day and have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES...
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order. Brian Pickrell
If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison.
It went a lot faster with two people digging.  Joe Martin
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.  Clarence Darrow
In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back. Charlie Brown
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.  Reba McEntire
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. Mae West
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. Spike Milligan
He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot.  He that
dare not is a slave.  Andrew Carnegie
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Mahatma Gandhi, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set
of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.  😐😎
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Ralphie- ‘I want an official Red Ryder Carbon Action…’
Mom- ‘No…You’ll shoot your eye out…’
 
ANSWER: A Christmas Story!
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
Spike- ‘There’s something wrong with this yogurt.’
William- ‘It’s not yogurt. It’s mayonnaise.’
Spike- ‘Oh, right, there we are then.’
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
This is another of my rhyming word ladders. Most people will have to work forwards and backwards to get all ten words…..
The old adage says to do this again.
Add one, make a city of fame way back when.
OY becomes IP and you’ll have a nice fall.
Change I to A and you’ll catch it all.
Insert an M: make an invention of Chaplin.
Change T to C and with pain you’ll be grapplin’.
Replace second with H: a winner for sure!
Lose second to last: you’ll want balm for a cure.
Drop the H to make something to go on your head.
Change one and an adage will leave this thing dead.
ANSWER:

TRY: From the adage “If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
TROY: The Greek city which was the site of the Trojan War.
TRIP: and fall.
TRAP: to catch it all.
TRAMP: Charlie Chaplin’s famous character was the tramp.
CRAMP: can be very painful.
CHAMP: a winner!
CHAP: Chapped lips or hands can be cured with a balm
CAP: goes on your head.
CAT: is left dead in the adage “Curiosity killed the cat.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What am I?
I will help you with your writing,
Probably through me you will see,
But if you want to ship me,
You’ll put me right inside of me.
I wear many different hats you know,
In construction plus I’m tracing,
I also do work for the board,
Lots of kids use me for a racing.
You can fold me, tear me,
Rip me without using all your might,
But be careful how you touch me,
I may give you my famous bite.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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