WELCOME to Tuesday, January 30, 2018.
More Seasoned one liners…
Got an e-mail today from a “bored housewife 33, looking for some action!” I’ve sent her my ironing, that’ll keep her busy.
They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
How do you know your old? People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.
Few women admit their age; few men act it.
Transitional age is when during a hot day you don’t know what you want – ice cream or beer.
I’ve reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there’ll be some new developments I won’t like.
I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.
“Your finest Scotch, please.” “Yes, sir,” the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.
I don’t care what you think you’re good at, there’s a 7-year-old kid on YouTube doing it better.
The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
I know I’m getting old… the other day I walked past a cemetery and two guys attacked me with shovels.😁
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A man broke a Guinness world record by walking barefoot on a
120-foot path of loose Legos. This beats the old record set by
every dad getting up to use the bathroom at night.” -Jimmy Fallon
“In the news yesterday, North Korea suggested that it would like to
reunite with South Korea. I think something’s up because today South
Korea gave North Korea its Netflix password.” -Conan O’Brien
“If you don’t know what it is, the World Economic Forum is an annual
gathering of the super rich. It’s funny how super rich people hang out
together. You don’t see that at other income levels. ‘You make 80 grand
a year? Me too! Well, let’s go do something, take a trip.'” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
To prepare for my daughter’s First Communion, I called the church in the town where
we used to live to get a copy of her baptismal certificate.
We lived there for only a short while, so I didn’t know the clergy well. When the
secretary asked me the name of the father, I told her that I couldn’t remember.
After a brief silence, she said, “Ma’am, I’m talking about the name of the baby’s father.” 😐😏
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“Anticipation of death is worse than death itself”?
ANSWER: Hard To Kill! Directed by Bruce Malmuth, released in 1990 and starring Steven
Seagal and Kelly LeBrock. The above is not a spoken quote. Mason Storm (Steven Seagal)
leaves it as a message for the senator.
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“That’s not a knife – THIS is a knife!”?
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you a 9-letter word. Your job is to break up this word
into 9 separate letters and place them on the dashes to spell a 7-letter word,
a 5-letter word, and a 3-letter word. You can use each letter only once.
_ E _ T _ G _
_ R _ S _
_ P _
ANSWER: 1. VESTIGE 2. PRISM 3. SPA
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I am a wild, untamed beast:
I command respect and awe in most,
and those who regard me as harmless
will most likely find themselves dead by my hand.
Men cannot control me, or hold me behind bars,
But they ride me. However,
They must use caution, for at any moment I can
Rear up, throw them aloft,
and swallow them whole.
Poems have been written to my mighty roar,
And yet children play carelessly beside me.
I am a mighty entity, and one day
I shall rise above the entire Earth.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org