Monday, January 29, 2018

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WELCOME to Monday, January 29, 2018.                                             

Seasoned one liners…
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive… It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.
The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday
but never remembers her age.
I grew a beard thinking it would say “Distinguished Gentleman.” Instead, turns out it says, “Senior Discount, Please!”  (Exactly)
At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?
You know when you’re getting older by remembering the past embarrassment of not zipping up your fly but now hoping you remember when to unzip.
Middle age is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o’clock.
I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
I’m at the age where I have to make a noise when I bend over. It’s the law.
Everyone my age is older than me..
You’re old enough to remember when emojis were called “hieroglyphics.” 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES…
“Congrats to Sen. Tammy Duckworth who will become the first U.S. senator to
have a baby while in office! That’s right, she’s having a baby, so at
least we’ve got ONE senator who’ll deliver.” -Jimmy Fallon
“China has banned hip hop from Chinese television, which is bad news for
China’s biggest hip hop star, the Notorious MSG.” -Conan O’Brien
“The Taj Mahal is currently undergoing its first cleaning since its construction
in the 1600s. ‘Maybe we should do that,’ said New York.” -Seth Meyers

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The banana loaf I was making was in the oven when my 16-year-old came into
the kitchen where the family had gathered.
“That bread smells about done don’t you think, Mom?” he asked.
I told him I had set the timer and it still had five minutes.
A little later he repeated his suggestion. “Mom, I really think that loaf is done.
Maybe you should check it.”
Always quick to come to my defense, my 13-year-old son said, “Eddie, Mom’s
been burning that banana bread for 20 years now. I think she knows when to take it out.” 😐

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
“Who’d win in a wrestling match, Lemmy or God?”
ANSWER: Airheads! From the 1994 film ‘Airheads’ directed by Michael Lehmann, starring Brendan Fraser, Adam Sandler and Steve Buscemi. And the answer is – it’s a trick question.  As every self-respecting metal-head knows, Lemmy IS God!
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Anticipation of death is worse than death itself”?
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Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What common saying is represented by the following?
Thought: $19.95
Idea: $29.95
Speech: $1.95
ANSWER: Talk is cheap.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you a 9-letter word. Your job is to break up this word
into 9 separate letters and place them on the dashes to spell a 7-letter word,
a 5-letter word, and a 3-letter word. You can use each letter only once.
IMPASSIVE
_ E _ T _ G _
_ R _ S _
_ P _
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

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