WELCOME to Thursday, January 18, 2018.
Punography for the day….
Who was Socrates’ worst student? Mediocrities. Who was his busiest student? The one with a lot on his Plato
Q: Why did the tomato blush? A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
When she saw her first strands of gray, she thought she’d dye.
Q: Did you hear the one about the greedy peanut butter? A: I’m not telling you. You might spread it.
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Q: Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner? A: Because he couldn’t find a date.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time, no sea.
“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? – She was fed up with the hole business.
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow? A. As mushroom as possible.
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
Why are cats bad storytellers? – Because they only have one tale.
Did you hear the news about that Chinese restaurant that got vandalized? It was an act of wonton destruction.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“I read about a company that’s working on technology that would let your pet video
chat with you. It’s fun to get a video chat from your dog, but depressing to
watch your cat decline your call.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Saudi Arabia has lifted a 35-year ban on movie theaters, and the first movie to
screen publicly was “The Emoji Movie.” So, the ban is back on.” -Conan O’Brien
“A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a
medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes
back and says to the cashier, “Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”
“Sir, you stepped away from the counter,” said the cashier. “We don’t make
corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the
policy of this bank.”
“Well, ok,” answered the customer. “Just thought you’d like to know that
you gave me an extra twenty. Bye.” 😎
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.’
ANSWER: Hook! Tinkerbell (Julia Roberts) says her goodbyes to Peter Pan (Robin Williams).
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgment, lives shrouded in secrecy even from one another. But not from God.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A man’s life was at an all time low. He lost his job, his wife, his house; and now his mom just died in a car accident. After the funeral, a man approached him and told him that his mom had taken a mortgage on the house and left him nothing except one thing. It was a note that read:
Dear my only son,
Thhaenrge! Tmhoe Bnaecykiyarsd
After he read the note, he finally got a smile on his face. What did his mom tell him in the note?
ANSWER: If you don’t understood what it read, it said: “Hang in There! Money is in the back yard.”Explanation: ThHaEnRgE! TmHoE BnAeCyKiYARsD If you can read, you can see the “hang” is literally
in “there” and “money is” is literally in “the backyard”. By the way, the mom hid the money in the garden, if you were wondering.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each of the sentences below use two words which are synonyms of each other, but here in these sentences, they are not used with the same meaning. Can you find the words ?
1. You cannot ______ to imagine what a _____ you gave me.
2. Service is my ______ name, you will always find me in the community _______.
3. The cook used the largest ______ to make a stew for the full compliment of the _____.
4. They agreed to meet outside the _____ of justice for their _____.
5. I know you will _____ me for this purchase, I cannot _____ you.
6. The ______ of bids for the ______ of Eros was unparalleled.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org