Wednesday, December 20, 2017

swollenjoints
WELCOME to Wednesday, December 20, 2017.  
Ten Very Funny Tales: You Couldn’t Make It Up!
1.Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two [counterfeit] $16 bills.
2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.
3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, Missouri, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle laboured for thirteen years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.
9. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an inebriated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
10. A Los Angeles man who later said he was “tired of walking,” stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES…
“A new study found that parents who only have daughters are more likely to be Republican, which I guess explains why my Dad registered as Republican when he saw me throw a football.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Hundreds of flights were cancelled today at the world’s busiest airport in Atlanta due to a massive power outage yesterday. Experts are saying this could lead to as many as 30 texts from your mother.” Seth Meyers
“Christmas is a strange holiday. It’s Jesus’ birthday. But Nobody knows Jesus’ exact birthday because he refuses to sign up for Facebook.” Jimmy Kimmel
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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence with two words.
Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance to speak. He thinks for a while before saying, “Food bad.”
Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.”
A decade later and it’s the big day again. He gives the head monk a long stare and finally says, “I quit.”
“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”😐

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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘I do not know love. I was trained to protect, not to love.’
ANSWER: The Fifth Element! Leeloo bemoans her lacking education. Of course, in order for her to be effective as the fifth element, Korben has to reassure her that she does know love. Lucky thing they’re in love.
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
‘The American people want somebody to articulate their rage for them.’
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.
1. Small piece broken off -> Body part
2. Threw with force -> Body part
3. Sudden bursts of light -> Body parts
4. Body part -> Playing card; someone skilled in a field
5. Body part -> Type of evergreen tree
6. Body part -> Relatives; family
7. Body part -> Sky; atmosphere
8. Body part -> Great distance above
ANSWER:  1. Chip -> Hip  2. Flung -> Lung  3. Flashes -> Lashes  4. Face -> Ace  5. Spine -> Pine  6. Skin -> Kin  7. Hair -> Air   8. Thigh -> High
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
Find 17 creatures in this paragraph.
Kneel in the kayak grasping the boat, but don’t wrench the bullion or scowl at the chart. Behind the
taped and sealed planter is a benevolent collier. The foxglove is in the bath.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 
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