Monday, December 4, 2017

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WELCOME to Monday, December 4, 2017.
Here’s the story…….
Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks,
‘What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?’

Amy replied, ‘Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle
of the property with a stream running by.’

‘No,’ Judge Jeffries continued, ‘I mean what is the foundation of this case?’
‘It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,’ responded Amy promptly.

‘I mean,’ he sighed, ‘What are your relations like?’
‘Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.’

Judge Jeffries asked, ‘Do you have a real grudge?’
‘No, we haven’t,’ Amy replied, ‘We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.’

‘Please,’ Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, ‘is there any infidelity in your marriage?’
‘Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music,
but the answer to your questions is yes,’ smiled Amy.

‘Ma’am,’ Judge Jeffries raised his voice, ‘does your husband ever beat you up?’
‘Oh yes,’ Amy responded, ‘about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.’

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, ‘Lady, why do you want a divorce?’
‘Oh, I don’t want a divorce,’ Amy replied. ‘I’ve never wanted a divorce.
My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.’😐

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
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DAILY QUOTES…
“Another big story is that Prince Harry is engaged to Meghan Markle.
And it was announced that they will marry at Windsor Castle this May.
Right now, every bride is asking, ‘Wow – how’d they get a venue so quick?!'” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new study, women are more attracted to men who talk less.
Which is why you often overhear women say, ‘Check out that mime.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana
in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn’t resort to violins.” -Seth Meyers😐

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My wife has these days when she wants us to “talk about things.”

On one of these occasions we were discussing our future so I asked her, “What would you do if I die before you do?”

After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house-sharing situation with two or
three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then she asked me, “What will you do if I die first?”

I replied, “Probably the same thing.”😎
————————————————————————————————————————————–

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Diplomatic immunity!’
ANSWER: Lethal Weapon 2! ‘It’s just been revoked.’

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Tell someone you’re the Metatron and they stare at you blankly,. Mention
something from a Charlton Heston movie and everyone’s a theologist.’

———————————————————————————————————————————–

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Boudreaux, a master dartsman, was bragging to his bar mates that he was
such a consummate player, he could hit the dartboard in any location at will.

“I’ll wager a hundred dollars that, no matter what position you name on the board, I’ll be able to hit it.”

Thibedeaux, tired of Boudreaux’s windbaggery, shouted out an answer.

Boudreaux stammered for a few moments and at first refused to pay. The other
bar patrons, however, made sure he held up his end of the wager. Boudreaux
slammed a hundred dollar bill on the counter and stormed out.

Where on the dartboard did Thibedeaux suggest?

ANSWER: The back of the board.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The phrase “From the heart” has been known to bring thoughts of love and passion to many. However, if you rearrange the 12 letters, you can come up with two 6 letter words that are opposite of each other, but also bring about thoughts of love and passion to many. What are those two words?

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

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