Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Thanksgiving-Turkey-Meme-2
WELCOME to Monday, November 20, 2017.                        
Sniglets (Imaginative words)
Blamestorm (blaym-storm) v. To sit around in a group discussing who is responsible for the latest failure.
Seagull Manager (see-guhl mæn-ij-er) n. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Assmosis (aes-mo-sis) n. Success and advancement achieved by kissing up to the boss rather than working.
Cube Farm (kyub-fahrm) np. An office filled with cubicles.
Prairie-dog (pre-ree-dawg) v. To pop your head up over the wall of your cubicle to see what is going on in other cubicles.
Crop Dust (krahp duhst) v. To surreptitiously pass gas while walking through a Cube Farm.
Mouse Potato (maus-puh-tay-duh) n. The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.
SITCOM (sit-kahm) n. The condition of having a Single Income, Two Children, and an Oppressive Mortgage. (What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.)
Stress Puppy (stres-puh-pee) n. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Swipeout (swaip-owt) n. An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip has been worn away from extensive use.
Xerox Subsidy (zee-rocks sub-suh-dee) np. Euphemism for sneaking free photocopies at the workplace.
Irritainment (ir-uh-tayn-ment) n. Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
Percussive Maintenance (pur-kuh-siv mayn-tuh-nuns) n. Repairing an electronic appliance by giving it a good whack.
Adminisphere (aed-min-is-feer) n. The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404 (for-oh-for) n. Someone who’s clueless. (From the browser message “404 Not Found” meaning that the requested site cannot be found.)
Generica (je-ne-ri-kuh) n. Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where you are: fast food joints, malls with the same stores, and downtown areas with more parking meters than people.
Ohnosecond (oh-no-se-kund) n. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a big mistake, like accidentally sending a personal e-mail to everyone in the office.
Woofs (wuf) n. Well-Off Older Folks.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 

“In the world of healthcare, the FDA has approved the first pill with a digital sensor
that signals doctors when patients have taken their medicine. The doctors say they
invented the pill to make sure that their patients are taking their medication. I still
think it would be more effective if they went with my plan of making all pills
taste like Cool Ranch Doritos.” -James Corden
“A Florida man is refusing to give up his ’emotional support squirrel’ even though
his condo association is threatening to evict him. Of course it’s stressful times like
these when the comforting embrace of a squirrel helps the most.” -Seth Meyers
“A federal court just ruled that sharing your Netflix password is now a federal crime.
So if you’ve been looking for a way to send your parents to prison, here’s your chance.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the “Chicken Surprise”. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
“Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking
around before it slams down..
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
“Please sir,” says the waiter, “what did you order?”
The husband replies, “Chicken Surprise.”
“Ah! So sorry,” says the waiter, “I bring you Peeking Duck.”😐
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“But I have nothing to give you. My hands are empty.”
ANSWER: Little Women! Friedrich says this to Jo when he comes to her house at the end of the movie. It is implied that he has come to ask for her hand in marriage. The March sisters live and grow in post-Civil War America in this adaptation of a Louisa May Alcott novel. 

 

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

“I had to come to prison to be a crook.”
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Change MILE to INCH by changing one letter at a time. Each change must produce
a valid word in the English language. But there is a catch. You must make the change
by going through YARD and FOOT. No word can be used more than once.
MILE —-> YARD —-> FOOT —-> INCH
ANSWER:  

MILE <
MIRE
MARE
CARE
CARD
YARD <
WARD
WORD
FORD
FOOD
FOOT <
MOOT
MOST
MAST
MASH
MACH
EACH
ETCH
ITCH
INCH <

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Find the names of 5 planets hidden in the following sentences:
1. “What hurts?” asked the doctor. “It’s my ear,” the patient cried.
2. “Steven, use the screwdriver to build those shelves.”
3. Everyone takes a turn during Monopoly.
4. “Cassie, you ran us over with your bicycle!”
5. “Sam, arsenic is poisonous. I read the definition in the dictionary.”
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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