Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Monday-Sometimes-You-Just-Cant
WELCOME to Monday, November 13, 2017.              
A Woman’s Dictionary….
Argument
(ahr•gyoo•munt) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, and continues until he realizes it.😐
Airhead
(ayr•hed) n. An act you put on when pulled over for speeding.
Bar-be-que
(bar•buh•Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes,
diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up—for the dinner he made for his friends.”
Blonde jokes
(blahnd joks) n. Jokes short enough for men to understand.
Cantaloupe
(kant•e•lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer
(kloze drI•yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet soda
(dI•it so•duh) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Diamond
(dI-mun) n. Something you think should be on your finger but he can only see in a baseball park.
Eternity
(e•ter•ni•tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise
(ex•er•siz) v. Walking up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery list
(grow•sree list) n What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair dresser
(hare dres•er) n. A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.
Hardware store
(hard•wer stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space: once he goes in, he isn’t coming out any time soon.
Housework
(haws•wrk) n. Work around the house including moping and washing dishes.
Childbirth
(chIld•brth) n. You go through 36 hours of contractions. He holds your hand and says, “focus…breathe…push….”
Lipstick
(lip•stik) n. On your lips, a color to enhance your beauty of your mouth. On his collar, a color only a tramp would wear.
Park
(pahrk) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning “a place with a swing set and slide”.
Patience
(pay•shuns) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilizers.”
Waterproof mascara
(wah•tr•pruf mas•ka•ruh) n. Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but not when you try to remove it.
Valentine’s Day
(va•lun•tInz dae) n. A day when you dream of a candle light dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 

“The Winter Olympics are just 100 days away! That means you have just
100 days to pretend you understand curling.” -Jimmy Fallon
“There’s an event company that specializes in fake weddings. The idea is that many
young people don’t want to get married but they do want a wedding, so the company
puts on a fake ceremony and a fake reception. I can’t imagine writing ‘Will attend’ on
an RSVP for a fake wedding. There are already weddings for people who don’t want
to get married – they’re called weddings.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Over the weekend a woman gave birth in a Barnes & Noble bookstore. Out of habit the
parents briefly looked over the newborn baby and then went home and bought
a cheaper baby on Amazon.” -Conan O’Brien

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite “adult” restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old’s antics and pounded the table.
Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, “If you don’t start behaving, you’ll never eat out with us again!”
The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. “Look dear,” he said. “Quality time!”😁😎
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“You can never have too much firepower.”
ANSWER: Beverly Hills Cop II. Billy Rosewood take two shotguns and an overcoat out of his trunk and tells Taggart this. Rosewood has a huge facination with guns in this installment. Throughout the movie we see guns everywhere around Rosewood…under his bed, behind his bedroom door, in the cushions of his couch, even in the fish tank. In “Beverly Hils Cop II”, Axel Foley returns to Beverly Hills to help Taggart and Rosewood solve the Alphabet Murders and the shooting of his friend. 

 

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

“Hats for bats.”
 
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser you are required to find a word relating to mathematics hiding in consecutive letters within each sentence. Have fun!
Example:  “They knew that they had done the wrong thing.”
Answer: ADD located in: “…hAD Done…”
1. He gave his pet serpent a gondola ride.
2. How did the koala cub end up with the kangaroo?
3. Did the kind entomologist pamper centipedes?
4. The scholarship includes tuition but does not cover textbooks.
ANSWER: 1. PENTAGON (serPENT A GONdola)   2. CUBE (CUB End)   3. PERCENT (pamPER CENTipedes)  4. VERTEX (coVER TEXt)

  

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What does this message say?
G T Y O R J O T E O U I A B G T
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! AMAZING WORK BANKS!  🙏🙏🙌🙏🙏🙇🙅
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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