Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, November 9, 2017.              
You Know You’re Having a Bad Day When… 
Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell’s Angels motorcyclists.
You’ve been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
Your income tax refund check bounces.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
You put both contacts into the same eye.
Your doctor tells you that you’re allergic to chocolate.
You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
Nothing you own is actually paid for.
Everyone loves your driver’s licence picture, but you think it looks awful.
The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
People think that you’re 40 and you’re only 25.
When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
You call your spouse and tell them that you’d like to eat out tonight and when 
you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch. 😁
It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 

“Astronomers say they now know the approximate weight of the Milky Way. They
found this out by adding 20 pounds to the Milky Way’s weight on its
Tinder profile.” -Conan O’Brien
“A man in Georgia was arrested for stealing a Krispy Kreme doughnut truck and leading
police on a high-speed chase. The police charged him with one count of
grand theft irony.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A survey by the national retail foundation said that some people even give their fish Valentine’s Day gifts. A good way to tell that you’ve lost your mind is if you give your
fish a Valentine’s Day gift.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When
you’re single you’re as happy as you are. When you’re married, you can only be as
happy as the least happy person in the house.” –Tom Hertz

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.
When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, “I don’t mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?”
To which the trucker replied, “Sorry, can’t talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep half of them flying at all times.” 😐
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Me? I’m scared of everything! I’m scared of what I saw. I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you!’
ANSWER: Dirty Dancing! One of my favorite, but lesser known quotes of the movie said by Baby to Johnny.   

 

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

“Screws just fall out all the time; the world’s an imperfect place.”
 
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) a bone in the leg
1b) arboreal mammal, common to Madagascar
1c) to take exception or object
2a) a mixture of liquids, as for medicine
2b) a liquid preparation for cosmetic use
2c) an opinion or view
3a) something having a spiral or twisted form
3b) to hold back or restrain
3c) the thick part of coagulated milk
4a) to beat or damage with repeated blows
4b) to trade by exchange of goods
4c) good-natured witty joking
ANSWER: 1) femur, lemur, demur  2) potion, lotion, notion   3) curl, curb, curd  4) batter, barter, banter  

  

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Four well known sayings have been reworded below. Can you identify the originals?
Example : Lack of awareness brings elation. (Ignorance is bliss.)
1. Stop sleeping and sniff the java.
2. Fine items approach people who have patience.
3. One should not rate a volume by the lid.
4. Progress to the rhythm of another bongo player.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT WORK BANKS!  🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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