Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, November 8, 2017.                  
Pungraphy….. 
I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!
Imagine if you would hit the clock in the morning and the clock would hit you right back.
I think it would be truly alarming.
Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator door?
Close the door, will you? I’m dressing!
Aim for the stars! But first take care of the bodyguards.
Why is a skeleton a bad liar?
You can see right through it.
Have you heard about the Italian cook with an incurable disease? He pastaway.
What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.
Where should a dog go when it’s lost its tail? The retail store of course.
What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!
One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think
straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
What is a typical diet of a sea monster? Fish and ships.
Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?
37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court. They will be sentenced next Friday.
What would you call an obese psychic? A four-chin teller.
If goods get damaged in transport, does it become ‘bads’?
They found a little hole in the wall of the women’s soccer team changing rooms.
Policemen are looking into it now.
I’ve no home, I haven’t got control, I can’t see any escape. Way past the time I got a new keyboard.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
What should a proper lawyer wear to a court? A good law suit.
I forgot to turn off the oven yesterday, but it’s OK – I just got some Darth Vader cookies. A bit on the dark side.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 

“Finally, I saw that Starbucks just unveiled its holiday cups, which had illustrations that
customers can color in themselves. It’s perfect for people who are too busy to make
their own coffee at home, yet still have enough time to color in a coffee cup.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Amazon has unveiled a new way to view its products in 3-D. Amazon is
calling its new invention a ‘store.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Every appliance with a clock should have a Daylight Savings button to push.
You’d only use it twice a year, but that’s more than I use the
‘Potato’ button on my microwave.” -Jimmy Kimmel

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember, run to Daddy first, then the dog.”😎
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go!’
ANSWER: Titanic! Rose and Jack played by Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.
  

 

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘Me? I’m scared of everything! I’m scared of what I saw. I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all, I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you!’
 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Birbal was jester, counselor, and fool to the great Moghul emperor, Akbar. The villagers
loved to talk of Birbal’s wisdom and cleverness, and the emperor loved to try to outsmart him. One day Akbar (emperor) drew a line across the floor. “Birbal,” he ordered, “you must make this line shorter, but you cannot erase any bit of it.” Everyone present thought the emperor had finally outsmarted Birbal. It was clearly an impossible task.
Yet within moments the emperor and everyone else present had to agree that Birbal had made the line shorter without erasing any of it. How could this be?
ANSWER:  Birbal simply drew a line longer than the first, which made the first line shorter than the second.

  

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) a bone in the leg
1b) arboreal mammal, common to Madagascar
1c) to take exception or object
2a) a mixture of liquids, as for medicine
2b) a liquid preparation for cosmetic use
2c) an opinion or view
3a) something having a spiral or twisted form
3b) to hold back or restrain
3c) the thick part of coagulated milk
4a) to beat or damage with repeated blows
4b) to trade by exchange of goods
4c) good-natured witty joking
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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