Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 7, 2017.                  
Funny Headstone Sayings…….
My mother-in-law’s chicken really IS “to die for”
I’m finally thin….maybe a little too thin.
I was so loaded I didn’t know it was loaded.
This is NOT what I had in mind when I said,
“Over my dead body!”
I guess you could say I’ve found my niche.
You should see the other guy.
Wait! I Wanted A Tomb with a View!
Does my butt look big in this coffin?
My new healthcare deductible was too high.
OMG! Where am I?
He always said he was dead tired
Come back at midnight. We’ll talk.
Dude, that really WAS a killer wave!
The shop said the brakes were fixed right this time.
My doctor finally did something that stopped the pain,
But the side effects are murder!
You paid how much to bury me HERE?
Finally! A real vacation!
I was here
Now I’m gone
Party on!
Here lies Fred the dentist… in the biggest cavity he has ever filled.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 

A liberal is a conservative who’s been arrested.
A conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged. – Tom Wolfe
We need to show compassion for the mentally ill
without letting them run for President. – Andy Borowitz
People who want to share their religious or political views with
you almost never want you to share yours with them. – Dave Barry
What’s the difference between baseball and politics?
In baseball you’re out if you’re caught stealing.
– Unknown Author
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A stretch limo full of politicians was taking a back route down a two-lane country
road late at night. The limo ran into a bad storm, and slid off the wet pavement at high speed. It flipped over a few times, and finally crashed into a tractor in the middle of a field.
The owner of the farm heard the noise and went out to see what happened. After checking out the scene, he used his tractor to bury the passengers.
The next afternoon the county deputy was passing and saw the wrecked limo, which had been reported as missing. He asked the farmer what happened, and the farmer let him know he’d buried all the politicians.
The deputy asked, “Were you certain they were all dead?”
“Well,” said the farmer, “a few of them claimed they weren’t, but you know
how you can’t believe a word they say.”😐😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Let me get this straight. I get ran over, Helen gets her hair chopped off, Julie gets a
body in her trunk, and you get a letter. Oh that’s balanced!’
ANSWER:  I Know What You Did Last Summer! Barry played by Ryan Phillippe
says this to Ray played by Freddie Prinze Jr. 

 

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go!’
 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are four epitaphs (writing on gravestones). From the writings, can you tell the occupation of each person?
1. Here lies Mortimer Bibbs.
He took part of ours and gave it to big brother, but he always had good form.
2. Here lies Dirk McDuff, who toppled giants with weapons of steel. If only he’d heard his partner’s shout before the giants found their revenge.
3. Here lies Suzy Smelt. She constructed many a bomb but mostly brought smiles to our faces.
4. Here lies Ethel Grant. She spent her whole life fighting with what she will now become.
ANSWER: 1. Mortimer was a tax man.  2. Dirk was a lumberjack (and died because he didn’t hear his partner yell “Timber!”).

3. Suzy was a comedienne.  4. Ethel was a maid, always fighting dust (referring to “ashes to ashes and dust to dust”).

  

  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Birbal was jester, counselor, and fool to the great Moghul emperor, Akbar. The villagers
loved to talk of Birbal’s wisdom and cleverness, and the emperor loved to try to outsmart him. One day Akbar (emperor) drew a line across the floor. “Birbal,” he ordered, “you must make this line shorter, but you cannot erase any bit of it.” Everyone present thought the emperor had finally outsmarted Birbal. It was clearly an impossible task.
Yet within moments the emperor and everyone else present had to agree that Birbal had made the line shorter without erasing any of it. How could this be?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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