Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, November 30, 2017.                           
Signs of the times…… 
SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE:
“We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.”
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
On a Septic Tank Truck:
“Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels”
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
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 DAILY QUOTES… 

“For the first time ever, more than half of all senior citizens in the U.S.
are using the Internet. Yeah, I read that when my grandma sent the
entire story to me in the subject line of an email.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A teenager in Arkansas was arrested after he was caught driving without
a license on his way to the DMV to take a driving test, tried to flee, and
crashed into a police car. On the plus side, it sounds like he was probably
going to fail anyway.” -Seth Meyers
“Today two men dressed as Batman and Captain America tried to rob someone
at a gas station. They’re being charged with attempted robbery and
mixing Marvel with DC.” -Conan O’Brien

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
While I was working in the men’s section of a department store, a woman asked
me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.
When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face
brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.
“I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit perfectly around his neck.”😐
 ————————————————————————————————————————————-
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘You’re money and you don’t even know it.’
ANSWER: Swingers! Double Down continually calls his mates ‘money’. 
 
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘I’m the dude, dude.’
—————————————————————————————————————————————-
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
My story whispers ancient lore;
The force at times my rings will hide.
I’ve sixty minions, maybe more:
Those unseen, these by my side.
Wand’ring far from glowing light,
Shape-shifting puzzles curious eyes;
Oft my glorious rings shine bright,
While men debate my family’s size.
My aspect seems to wax and wane,
As the force dictates the deed;
My namesake ruled vast fields of grain,
But, legends tell, devoured his seed.
What am I?
ANSWER: The planet Saturn!  Saturn is named after the Roman god of the harvest. When the force of gravity causes Earth’s orbit to take us into the plane of Saturn’s rings, they seem to disappear, and the shape of the planet appears to change. Most of Saturn’s 60 or more moons are visible only through strong telescopes. The sixth planet from the Sun in the Solar System, Saturn receives little heat and light. There is still controversy about the number of planets in the “family” of the Solar System. With the demotion of Pluto, some say there are eight planets. However, counting Pluto and also the dwarf planets Eris and Ceres, others would say there are eleven known planets. As the god of the harvest, Saturn ruled over all agriculture. Because he feared his children were about to kill him, he devoured them.

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Six words have had their sharp things removed. The sharp things have been placed into Group A. The remaining letters of each word have been placed into Group B. Your task is to reconstitute the words by merging each sharp thing with the proper set of letters. Other than merging the two groups together, there is no rearranging of the letters. Example: sand + pne = spanned (SpANneD).
Group A: brad, nail, pin, piton, spike, stake
Group B: eeve, insrai, raha, rnlr, ufesbe, waebst
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, November 29, 2017.                          
Here’s the story….In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?” And Abraham did look at her – as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load – but simply said, “How, dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures: Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham’s drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham’s business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted for insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drum heads and drumsticks.
Lo, Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others!” And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known, he said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.” And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.” “YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
And that is how it all began. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
—————————————————————————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES… 

“A couple recently got married on a roller coaster at a Massachusetts amusement
park while their wedding guests were on the ride with them. And this
is cool – the reception was open barf.” -Seth Meyers
“A new article states that millennials have terrible conversational skills. When
asked for comment, millennials texted a series of crying frowny faces.” -Conan O’Brien
“More people have died taking selfies than have been killed by sharks. My policy
is, you should treat selfies like you treat drinking. Try not to do it alone, definitely
don’t do it while you’re driving, and if you take more than two or three a day,
you should probably seek help.” -James Corden
————————————————————————————————————————————–
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing
at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: “There
is no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow.
Your husband will die a violent death this year.”
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic’s lined face, then at the single
flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to
compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I get away with it?” 😐

———————————————————————————————————————————–

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘I can’t read, you dumb love of my life.’
ANSWER: Evil Roy Slade! Another corker of a movie. I can’t seem to track it down now. 
Wedesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

 ‘You’re money and you don’t even know it.’
———————————————————————————————————————————-
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser your task is to discover words, names and phrases relating to the holiday season.
You are to delete a few letters in each unrelated phrase in order to show the holiday. The remaining letters will be in the right order.
For example:
1. EACH WRIST MASHED
becomes: **CH *RIST MAS***
1. FROGS TRY THEM SO NO WORM CAN (delete 7 letters)
2. CLINT TILED RED HUMMER BODY (delete 7 letters)
3. SPRINT FACE OFF PREFACE (delete 7 letters)
4. THE CREEP WISHES A MENU (delete 7 letters)
ANSWER: 1. FRO – S T – Y THE – S – NO W — M – AN (Frosty the Snowman)

2. – LI -T T – LED R — – UMMER BO – Y (Little Drummer Boy)
3. – PRIN – — CE OF- P – E – ACE (Prince of Peace)
4. TH – – REE – WIS – E – – MEN – (Three Wise Men)

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
My story whispers ancient lore;
The force at times my rings will hide.
I’ve sixty minions, maybe more:
Those unseen, these by my side.
Wand’ring far from glowing light,
Shape-shifting puzzles curious eyes;
Oft my glorious rings shine bright,
While men debate my family’s size.
My aspect seems to wax and wane,
As the force dictates the deed;
My namesake ruled vast fields of grain,
But, legends tell, devoured his seed.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 28, 2017.                          
Funny Business Partnership Names………..Really…. 
Curl Up and Dye • Beauty Shop
Miss Behavior’s Family Dog Training
Adie Miles & Auer • Car Tuneups
Bank, Rupp & Baroque • Loans While You Wait
Bright, Light & Powers • Electrical Specialists
Flowers, Bush & Hedges • Landscaping
Cherry, Pitts & Appelman • Purveyors in Fruit
Cook, Books & Hyde • Accountants
Dewey, Cheatam & Howe • Tax Law
Dolittle and Dalley • Efficiency Consultants
The Finn & Haddie Fish Market
Flowers & Boze • Floral Designs
House & Holmes • Real Estate
Moon, Starr & Sons • Telescopes and Optics
Mudd, Waters & Soeurs • Drainage Systems
The Reid & Wright Learning Centre
The Rich & Sweet Candy Company
Spring & Sommers • Vacation Rentals
Wright, Judge & Jury • Attorneys at Law
Ketchum & Killum • Undertakers
Doctors Hakim & Stitch • Surgeons
P. J. Faucet Plumbing Ltd. • Edmonton, Canada
Finagle & Diddle Engineering Works
Howe, Dewey, Cheatem & Wynn • Attorneys at Law
Susan Liddy-Gates • Attorney at Law
Leaven and Earth Bakery
Hyde & Haire Tannery
Lewis N. Clark, Outdoor Adventures
Argue & Phibbs, Solicitors, Sligo, Ireland
Levin N. Sinn, Pastor
Stan Tall & Bea Best, Physical Therapy
Mary Annette’s Puppet Shop
White, Sands & Son, Cruise Agents
Mount & Ridenour, Horse Rentals
Claude McCann, Wild Animal Trainer
Rex Carr’s Driving School
Pulley Chiropractic, Des Moines, Iowa
Earthman Funeral Home, Houston, TX
Dr. Ickies, Internal Medicine, Riverhead, LI, NY
S. Rumbottle, Liquor Store
Shylock Graspall, Licensed Pawnbroker
Peter Pillage, Attorney at Law & Notary Public
Gavin Lamb and Martin Hogg, Meat Packers
Really that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
————————————————————————————————————————————
DAILY QUOTES… 

“This week was Earth Science week. It’s the week you have to celebrate
if you aren’t smart enough for bio or chemistry week.” -Seth Meyers
“New research shows that China has a bigger middle class than America, and
more people in China are living what we would call the ‘American Dream.’ That’s
when you know things are bad – when even the American DREAM is made in China.” -Jimmy Fallon
“I have a strict policy. I will not and do not publicize unsubstantiated rumors
about anyone unless they’re very funny.” -Jimmy Kimmel
————————————————————————————————————————————-
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave
their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.
Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an
enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer,
“My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N.” 😐😁😎

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘The vessel with the pestle has the pellet of the poison, the flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true.’
ANSWER: The Court Jester! Possibly the greatest movie ever — absolutely hilarious. 
———————————————————————————————————————————–
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  
 ‘I can’t read, you dumb love of my life.’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What do the following words have in common?
Buzz
Part
Maze
Muse
Stern
Moral
Bed
ANSWER: They can all have the prefix “a-” and still be words.

Abuzz
Apart
Amaze
Amuse
Astern
Amoral
Abed

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser your task is to discover words, names and phrases relating to the holiday season.
You are to delete a few letters in each unrelated phrase in order to show the holiday. The remaining letters will be in the right order.
For example:
1. EACH WRIST MASHED
becomes: **CH *RIST MAS***
1. FROGS TRY THEM SO NO WORM CAN (delete 7 letters)
2. CLINT TILED RED HUMMER BODY (delete 7 letters)
3. SPRINT FACE OFF PREFACE (delete 7 letters)
4. THE CREEP WISHES A MENU (delete 7 letters)
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE BANK JOB! 😁🙏🙏🙏🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, November 27, 2017.                          
Church Bulletins………Really…..
For some reason, typos are funnier coming from Church.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They maybe seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in their creation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Don’t let worry kill you off; let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased person you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Really that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
————————————————————————————————————————————-
DAILY QUOTES… “A piece of wedding cake from Donald and Melania Trump’s wedding is currently up for auction. The 12-year-old piece of cake is being marketed as a rare
collector’s item. This piece of cake is expected to go for over $1,000. What
a rip-off. If I want to eat a 12-year-old piece of cake, I’ll go to the liquor store
and buy some Twinkies like a normal person.” -James Corden
“I saw that one hundred years ago this month, Albert Einstein presented his theory
of General Relativity, which explains how gravity works. And it also marks the last
time someone actually meant it when they said, ‘Way to go, Einstein.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Nestle is recalling its Hot Pockets Four Cheese Pizza Snack Bites due to misbranding.
They’ll be re-released with the corrected name, Scalding Hot Yet Somehow
Still Frozen in the Middle Pockets.” -Seth Meyers
————————————————————————————————————————————-

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.
I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk
said, “The plane is very full with baggage and passengers.” Then she asked, “How much do you weigh, sir?”
Not thinking clearly I answered, “With or without clothes?”
“Well,” said the clerk, “how do you intend to travel?” 😐😎

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘You’ve got me? Who’s got you?!’
ANSWER:  Superman! Said by Lois Lane after she has fallen from
the helicopter only to be rescued by Superman.

 

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘The vessel with the pestle has the pellet of the poison, the flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true.’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The stoic rabbit lives under the sea. Lamented bears took honey from a bee.
Let me now ask you: Can you find, in this little rhyming riddle sea creatures three?
ANSWER: Crab (stoiC RABbit)  Seal (the SEA Lamented)  Eel (bEE. Let)

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What do the following words have in common?
Buzz
Part
Maze
Muse
Stern
Moral
Bed
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

That-Look-When-You-Get-On-The-Scale-After-Eating-Thanksgiving-Dinner
WELCOME to Friday, November 24, 2017.                          
REALLY BAD Thanksgiving Jokes….. 
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims
Why can’t you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring? Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Thanksgiving? Twerk-ey!
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!”
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys & people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I’m stuffed!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.
Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”? Because they never learned good table manners!
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
When does your brother bring his new girlfriend to dinner? Skanksgiving.
What key has legs and can’t open doors? A Turkey.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off!
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus
Really that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Weekend people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
——————————————————————————————————————————–
DAILY QUOTES… 

“A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat
and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to
please stop bothering me with stupid questions.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Pringles has launched several new potato chip flavors including turkey, stuffing,
mashed potato, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie.
Or as single dads call it, ‘Thanksgiving!'” -Seth Meyers
“There is a new website that allows parents to rent toys instead of buying them
for Christmas. The website is perfect for parents who aren’t
sure that they love their child.” -Conan O’Brien
——————————————————————————————————————————–

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read,
“Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset.”
She wrote at the bottom of the page, “You obviously have problems with homonyms.
A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it’s time to learn the difference.” 😐
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘No time for love, Dr. Jones!’
ANSWER: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.  Said by Short Round as they are escaping from the Obi Wan restaurant. Also said by Randall in ‘Clerks’. 
—————————————————————————————————————————————-

 

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘You’ve got me? Who’s got you?!’
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Rearrange the letters to form new words, phrases, places, or names.
The words in parentheses are hints.
ONE ON ALP (conqueror)
SEEK A PHRASE (playful fellow)
KNEE CRUTCH ART (great ballet)
NONE MISTER (soup)
TOXIC NAME (April agony)
HE BUGS GORE
ANSWER: 

ONE ON ALP – Napoleon
SEEK A PHRASE – Shakespeare
KNEE CRUTCH ART – The Nutcracker
NONE MISTER – minestrone
TOXIC NAME – income tax
HE BUGS GORE – George Bush

———————————————————————————————————————————- 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The stoic rabbit lives under the sea. Lamented bears took honey from a bee.
Let me now ask you: Can you find, in this little rhyming riddle sea creatures three?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, November 22, 2017.                      
 Ads by the Linguistically Challenged… 
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere else again.
3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.
4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
7. Semi-annual After-Christmas sale.
8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
10. Dinner special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
11. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
12. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home.
13. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
14. Great dames for sale.
15. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
16. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
17. Vacation special: have your home exterminated.
18. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
19. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
20. For rent: 6-room hated apartment.
21. Man, honest. Will take anything.
22. Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
23. Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard to find person.
24. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
25. Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
26. And now, the Superstore—unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
27. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 

“The good people at Butterball have been running a toll-free hotline for
turkey-cooking tips since 1981. Every year the turkey talk line receives
more than 100,000 phone calls, but sadly, they have not once been able
to save a turkey’s life.” -Stephen Colbert
“For the first time in 32 years, Butterball is adding male staffers to their
Thanksgiving turkey talk line, the phone number you can call if you are
having trouble cooking your turkey. One of the guys just yells questions to
his wife in the other room.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Butterball, the countrys largest turkey producer, says it has a shortage of
large Thanksgiving turkeys this year. Some experts say it’s because of a
greater demand than usual, while others say it means
the turkeys are on to us.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, “Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?”
“Certainly not,” said the Priest. “As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it.”
“I tried,” Brian sobbed, “but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?”
“If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family.”
Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.
When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked
into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey. 😎
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“No, no, no, no. I’m a busy girl. I’ve got exactly four days to break up a wedding,
steal the bride’s fella and I haven’t one clue how to do it.”
ANSWER: My Best Friend’s Wedding! Julianne says this to George when he suggests
that they go get a drink and she take a later flight. In “My Best Friend’s Wedding”
Julianne finds out that her best friend is engaged to be married, and realizes that she
loves him herself. She sets out to get him, with only days before the wedding. 

 

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘No time for love, Dr. Jones!’
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I am a set of three words, all with the same four letters.
First I am a type of carriage.
Then switch my middle letters, and I am a cover often useful on a diamond.
Now switch my end letters …
When you see me, you also see hair.
What are the words?
ANSWER: trap = a light one-horse carriage

tarp = a canvas cover, one use is to protect a baseball diamond from rain
part = the line that divides hair, as when combing

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Rearrange the letters to form new words, phrases, places, or names.
The words in parentheses are hints.
ONE ON ALP (conqueror)
SEEK A PHRASE (playful fellow)
KNEE CRUTCH ART (great ballet)
NONE MISTER (soup)
TOXIC NAME (April agony)
HE BUGS GORE
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, November 21, 2017.                    
Funny Business Partnership Names…..  

Curl Up and Dye • Beauty Shop
Miss Behavior’s Family Dog Training
Adie Miles & Auer • Car Tuneups
Bank, Rupp & Baroque • Loans While You Wait
Bright, Light & Powers • Electrical Specialists
Flowers, Bush & Hedges • Landscaping
Cherry, Pitts & Appelman • Purveyors in Fruit
Cook, Books & Hyde • Accountants
Dewey, Cheatam & Howe • Tax Law
Dolittle and Dalley • Efficiency Consultants
The Finn & Haddie Fish Market
Flowers & Boze • Floral Designs
House & Holmes • Real Estate
Moon, Starr & Sons • Telescopes and Optics
Mudd, Waters & Soeurs • Drainage Systems
The Reid & Wright Learning Centre
The Rich & Sweet Candy Company
Spring & Sommers • Vacation Rentals
Wright, Judge & Jury • Attorneys at Law
Ketchum & Killum • Undertakers
Doctors Hakim & Stitch • Surgeons
P. J. Faucet Plumbing Ltd. • Edmonton, Canada
Finagle & Diddle Engineering Works
Howe, Dewey, Cheatem & Wynn • Attorneys at Law
Susan Liddy-Gates • Attorney at Law
Leaven and Earth Bakery
Hyde & Haire Tannery
Lewis N. Clark, Outdoor Adventures
Argue & Phibbs, Solicitors, Sligo, Ireland
Levin N. Sinn, Pastor
Stan Tall & Bea Best, Physical Therapy
Mary Annette’s Puppet Shop
White, Sands & Son, Cruise Agents
Mount & Ridenour, Horse Rentals
Claude McCann, Wild Animal Trainer
Rex Carr’s Driving School
Pulley Chiropractic, Des Moines, Iowa
Earthman Funeral Home, Houston, TX
Dr. Ickies, Internal Medicine, Riverhead, LI, NY
S. Rumbottle, Liquor Store
Shylock Graspall, Licensed Pawnbroker
Peter Pillage, Attorney at Law & Notary Public
Gavin Lamb and Martin Hogg, Meat Packers
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 

“Two photographs that went missing from the Museum of a Modern Art in
New York were mailed back to the museum just a few days later by the
alleged thief. Which is, you know, great for the museum. Got to be a bit of
a blow to the ego of the artist. ‘Your photographs were so popular they
were stolen! No, wait, they sent them back.'” -James Corden
“China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world.
They could become the richest, but that’s only if we pay them the money
we owe them, and that’s not going to happen.” -Seth Meyers
“A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane
from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest
Airlines calls that, ‘Business Class.'” -Jimmy Fallon

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Jim and Joe stop in front of a pastry shop and Jim says, “Let me show you how to get
yourself a free snack.”
Stepping through the door Jim reaches behind the counter a slips a big, frosted cookie
into his coat pocket before the baker has a chance to look up and see what’s going on.
Winking at Joe, Jim whispers, “What do you think about that?”
At that point the baker walks over and asks if he can help them. Joe winks back at Jim,
then says to the baker, “I bet you a free cookie I can show you a magic trick
you’ve never seen before.”
The baker says, “If it’s a good enough trick I guess it’s worth a free cookie.”
Joe says, “Watch this!” and takes a big, frosted cookie off the counter and munches away
until it’s gone. Then he says, “Ta-da!”
The baker leans over the counter and says in a menacing voice, “There better be one good magic trick coming up or you’re going to be talking to the police.”
Joe gives Jim grin and then says to the baker, “Just take a look in my friend’s pocket.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“I had to come to prison to be a crook.”
ANSWER: The Shawshank Redemption! Andy says this about doing the crooked books
for the Warden. He was an honest man outside of prison. In “The Shawshank Redemption” the life of shy, quiet accountant, Andy Dufresne, changes when he is falsely convicted and jailed for the murder of his wife and her lover. 

 

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

“No, no, no, no. I’m a busy girl. I’ve got exactly four days to break up a wedding,
steal the bride’s fella and I haven’t one clue how to do it.”
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Find the names of 5 planets hidden in the following sentences:
1. “What hurts?” asked the doctor. “It’s my ear,” the patient cried.
2. “Steven, use the screwdriver to build those shelves.”
3. Everyone takes a turn during Monopoly.
4. “Cassie, you ran us over with your bicycle!”
5. “Sam, arsenic is poisonous. I read the definition in the dictionary.”
ANSWER: 1. Earth  2. Venus  3. Saturn  4. Uranus  5. Mars

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I am a set of three words, all with the same four letters.
First I am a type of carriage.
Then switch my middle letters, and I am a cover often useful on a diamond.
Now switch my end letters …
When you see me, you also see hair.
What are the words?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS!
NICE WORK BANKS! 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/