WELCOME to Friday, August 11, 2017.
REALLY BAD PUNOGRAPHY……
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis
I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!
Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn’t matter none of them work.
What is the name of an Asian pilot who died in a plane crash? Sum Ting Wong.
I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
What’s the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
1. Any idiot can face a crisis – its the day to day living that wears you out.
2. Everything has been figured out. Except how to live.
3. Life is like a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can spend it only once.
4. Be nice to people on your way up, because you will need them on your way down.
5. Hope life is not a big joke, because I do not get it.
6. Life is like a taxi, the meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or standing still.
7. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment
8. Life isn’t worth living unless you’re willing to take some big chances and go for broke
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that
over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” 😐
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“Shop smart, shop S-mart!”
ANSWER: Army Of Darkness! Ash says this as he is standing on the counter of the store he works in holding his gun. If you haven’t seen this movie, I highly suggest it for a good laugh 🙂
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“They used to call me Crazy Joe. Well now they can call me Batman!”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Mice are famous for their ability to multiply at breakneck speeds. The type of mouse we have here gives birth once a month, birthing 12 babies each time. Baby mice mature and can give birth two months after they are born.
You picked up one of these cute baby mice at the pet shop and brought it home the day
after it was born. In 10 months from now, how many mice will you have?
ANSWER: One. The mouse cannot birth any babies by itself.😁
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Four brothers make this royal band,
Mixed and handed out from stacks,
Three with sword and one with axe,
A strong force when held by one hand.
What does this refer to?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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