Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, August 3, 2017.    

10 Bungling Burglar Stories
Investigating a purse snatching in Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief’s description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an ID. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, ‘Yeah, that’s the woman I robbed.’
In Nashville, they tell of a burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.
In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn’t get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn’t fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran……but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall. Unplugging it, he tried again, but a diner knocked him to the him and called the police.
In Rhode Island, police were sure they had the right man when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters.
Texas authorities, responding to a store robbery, seized a man who was fleeing naked. He said he’d stripped after the job because he figured his clothes would make him identifiable.
In Lawrence, Kansas, officers tracked a midnight thief who prided himself on his running speed by following the red lights on his high-tech tennis shoes.
In Virginia, a janitor went to great lengths to avoid ID. in a “Seven-Eleven” robbery, using a ski mask and rental car for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which said “Cedar Woods Apartments” and had his name, Dwayne, stitched across the front.
Two robbers in Michigan, USA, entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move!’ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
A robber, in a town in Germany, was caught after he escaped with his swag but he left his trousers behind. Police successfully arrested him at a railway station trying to board a train in his underpants. You couldn’t invent these funny occurrences.
A bungling Australian car thief was nabbed after accidentally locking himself in the vehicle he was trying to steal in Adelaide, Australia.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“You know those little robot vacuums called Roombas? The company that makes them says that Roombas have the capability to map out your home while they clean it, and it’s planning to sell that information to Amazon and Google. We all thought that the Roomba was just vacuuming; turns out it was casing the joint.” -James Corden
“A Georgia man is facing charges after he tried to enter a Waffle House completely naked. Ugh. Can you imagine? Walking into a Waffle House barefoot?” -Seth Meyers
“This was a little controversial: Pope Francis recently said that the majority of modern Catholic marriages are worthless because couples don’t always mean it when they say they’ll love each other forever. And that’s the last time Pope Francis was ever asked to give a best man speech.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian.
She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck’s path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.
I rushed to the woman’s side to see if she was all right.
“I’m fine,” she assured me, “but if that dog hadn’t honked…” 😐

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Exercise makes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t.”
ANSWER: Legally Blonde! Starring Reese Witherspoon (Elle), Luke Wilson (Emmett), and Selma Blair (Vivian). Elle Woods says this referring to why an exercise instructor is not guilty of murder.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“That Vazzini he can fuss.”
“Fuss, Fuss…I think he like to yell at us.”
“Probably he means no harm”
“He’s really very short on charm.”
“You have a great gift for rhyme.”
“Yes, yes, some of the time.”
“Enough of that!”
“Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?”
“If there are, we all be dead!”
“No more rhymes now, I mean it!”
“Anybody want a peanut?”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
Welcome to Crazy Cooking Catastrophes.
Today our host has decided to mix up an Antipasto Creature Feature…
Please follow these instructions carefully to unscramble [pun totally intended] the answer.
Cooking Tips:
Words like add, combine, stir in, sprinkle, garnish etc mean to add those letters to the mix. Words like remove, drain, none left over, give, etc. mean to remove those letters from the mix.
In a bowl, combine one cup of MARMALADE with one tablespoon of OIL.
Kick MAE out of the kitchen [she’s dangerous with a whisk] then whip until frothy.
What creature will be in the bowl?
ANSWER: Armadillo
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….    
he
now re
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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