Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, July 18, 2017.                             
Politically Correct Dictionary #101
Actor: metamorphosing being, possessing great wealth
Actress: metamorphosing being, possessing great wealth (and occasionally great beauty)
Android: bipedal, non-human associate, bearing immense knowledge and skill
Bag boy: agricultural product organizer
Bald: follicularly challenged
Bomb: vertically deployed antipersonnel device
Boy: oppressor-to-be
Brainwashing: cognitive accommodation
Cafeteria: dining facility
Car: earth-unfriendly, vertically-challenged mode of transport
Car Wash Worker: vehicle-appearance specialist
Cat: quadruped non-human associate
Cheating: cooperative assignment
Computer: machine bearing immense power and fallibility
Criticism: unjust self-esteem reducer
Dead: metabolically challenged
Demand: propose strongly
Derision: nontraditional praise
Dirty Old Man: sexually focused, chronologically gifted individual
Dumb: cerebrally challenged
Evil: niceness deprived
Exercise: body enhancement through exertion
Failure: non-traditional success
Fart: human ozone depletor; ecologically incorrect expression
Fat: horizontally challenged: person of substance
Garbage collector: sanitation engineer
Gas Station Attendant: petroleum transfer technician
Girl: pre-woman
Guess: anomaly maneuvers: repetitive predictions
Handicapped: physically challenged
Heroine: hera
Homeless person: residentially flexible individual
Hurricane: himmicane (non sexist)
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 
DAILY QUOTES…
“According to a new study, 1 in 3 children in the United States have divorced parents.
While the other two-thirds are the only reason their parents are staying together.” Seth Meyers
“Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If you want to stay competitive in the coffee
business you’ve got to consistently provide your customers with new ways to make their orders more annoying.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it’s fine to cheat a little on your taxes.
While the other 88 percent know not to talk to a guy with a clipboard asking them if they cheat on their taxes.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
When I was younger I worked in a Mom and Pop convenience store. A woman came into the store
and walked straight up to me without even shopping and asked if I had any baby nipples.
I told her, “no ma’am, mine are fully grown.”
Luckily she got a kick out of it and I sold her the nipples for her baby bottles.😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 “I’m not deprived, I’m delinquent…there’s a difference, you know.”
ANSWER: Candleshoe! Starring Jodie Foster (Casey), Helen Hayes (Lady St. Edmund),
and David Niven (Priory). Casey’s response when Harry asks her if she’s ever seen gold.
 
                   
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Know what these are?” “Presidential flashcards?”
Monday’s Quizzler is………. 
There was a man who went to the mall and he bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. Another man who already bought 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks came back to return his 3 pairs of red socks and 3 pairs of white socks. They are both blind. As they were walking they bumped into each other. All the socks scattered around the floor, but each pair remained held together by a rubber band. Nobody helped them pick it up except each other, but in 3 minutes they both put them back altogether. Each man ended up with the same colors of socks he started with: six red and six white. How is that possible if they are blind?
ANSWER: One man took all the socks and pulled the pairs apart. As he pulled them apart, he kept one sock for himself and gave the other to the other man so that each man ended up with the same colors of socks he started with: six red and six white.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….   
I wear the face of a leader of men. My financial worth is small and my
appearance not impressive, yet my presence is a passport to any country
and society. I have the entree alike to the boudoir and the armed; I
penetrate to royal palaces and to the far corners of the earth. In my
youth I am bright and fresh looking; later, my face is marred and
disfigured and I am cast aside as nothing; but when I am very old I am eagerly sought, and a safe refuge is provided for me, where I am exhibited to admiring visitors. What am I?

  

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 
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