Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, July 31, 2017.                               
This Strange English Language…….
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“Two ATMs here in New York were shut down for dispensing counterfeit money.
People were suspicious after one guy kept asking, ‘Hey, can you break a 23?'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A study has found that the most popular type of business in New Jersey is golf equipment stores. Though most customers come in and say, ‘I need a blunt object and a bag about as big as a guy.'” -Seth Meyers
“Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals.
This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him.
When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her.
She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.😁😎
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 “Obviously, Doctor, you have never been a thirteen year old girl.”
ANSWER: The Virgin Suicides! Starring Kirsten Dunst (Lux), Josh Hartnett (Trip), and
Hanna Hall (Cecilia). After attempting to commit suicide, Cecilia Lisbon says this to the doctor
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “One and two and three and four and Wat doesn’t lead he follows like a girl.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….   
What is the meaning of this rebus?
marcus Brutus
john wilkes Booth
Billy the kid
Bonnie parker
clyde Barrow
ANSWER: Killer Bees (these people are all murderers, and each has “B” for an initial)

Friday’s Quizzler is……….    
Welcome to Crazy Cooking Catastrophes.
Today our host has decided to mix up an appetizer creature feature.
Please follow these instructions carefully to unscramble [pun totally intended] the answer.
Cooking Tips:
Words like add, combine, stir in, etc mean to add those letters to the mix.
Words like remove, drain, none left over, etc. mean to remove those letters from the mix.
If you combine a PEAR and sugar in a BOWL, then add in a BOAR and take a BOW:
What creature will be in your bowl?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS. NICE WORK BANKS! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, July 28, 2017.                              
One Liners 101…………
 
If I got a penny for everyone I’ve met who is as beautiful as you,
I’d have all the money in the world.
Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!
I bet you I could stop gambling.
I think I’m agnostic, but I haven’t decided.
I can’t get enough minimalism.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope.
Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth sense?
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
Have you been to Wal-Mart lately? You have to be 300 pounds to
get the automatic doors to open.
I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know.
Some days it’s not worth chewing through the straps.
Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
If at first you don’t succeed, try left field.
When at the window at the unemployment office, loudly say, “I didn’t get to where I am today by listening to people like you!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
“We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana as of a miracle.
But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes.
Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.” -Benjamin Franklin
“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them
and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to
have dinner with.” Jill Shalvis
“Good wine makes good blood, good blood causeth good humors, good humors
cause good thoughts, good thoughts bring forth good works, good works carry a
man to heaven, ergo, good wine carrieth a man to heaven.” James Howell
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. “Have you ever heard of a drink called ‘Seven Young Blondes’?” I asked. He admitted he’d never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he’d be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. “Sir,” I asked the customer, “can you tell me what’s in that drink?”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “It’s wine,” he said, pronouncing his words carefully, “Sauvignon blanc.”😐
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“May those who love us, love us. And those who don’t love us — may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.”
ANSWER: Keeping the Faith! Starring Edward Norton (Brian), Ben Stiller (Jake), and Jenna Elfman (Anna). The bartender says this to Brian after hearing his story.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “Obviously, Doctor, you have never been a thirteen year old girl.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
Insert one word in each pair to link the two words together. The end of the first word is the beginning of the second.
1. Rain___Tie
2. Tooth__Tale
3. Sea____Hole
4. Circuit__Yard
5. Third___Board
6. Stone__Flower
7. High___Star
ANSWER: 1. Bow  2. Fairy 3. Port  4. Court   5. Base   6. Wall  7. Five

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….    
What is the meaning of this rebus?
marcus Brutus
john wilkes Booth
Billy the kid
Bonnie parker
clyde Barrow
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, July 26, 2017.                            
Calling in Sick..
Actual reasons people have called in sick.
Employee’s cervix was hurting (from a male employee).
Employee said that a hit man was looking for him.
The Chargers lost on Sunday, so I needed Monday to recover.
Employee’s sobriety device wouldn’t allow his car to start.
I got sick from my puppy.
Employee had headache after going to too many garage sales.
My false teeth flew out the window as I was driving.
A deer bit me (during hunting season).
Employee forgot he was hired for the job.
Employee was in line at a coffee shop when a delivery truck backed up and dumped flour into her convertible.
Employee claimed her bus was delayed; she produced a note signed by the driver.
Employee said his hair was hurting his head.
I quit smoking and I’m grouchy.
Employee thought she had won the lottery, but it turns out she didn’t.
Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.
I’m too fat to get into my work pants.
Employee claimed her dog was having a nervous breakdown.
A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.
I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet.
Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.
I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work.
Employee’s wife said he couldn’t come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.
I cut my fingernails too short, they’re bleeding and I have to go to the doctor.
One of the walls in the employee’s home fell off the night before.
Employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.
Employee’s mother was in jail.
My wheelchair broke down.
God didn’t wake me.
A skunk got into the employee’s house and sprayed all of his uniforms.
Employee had a bad case of hiccups.
Employee’s toe got caught in a faucet.
It’s way too cold outside to leave the house.
It’s way too nice outside to be in the office.
I had tickets for Sunday’s race but it was rained out, so they’re running it today.
Employee blew his nose so hard that his back went out.
Employee’s horses got loose and were running down the highway.
Employee was hit by a bus while walking.
Employee said a bird bit her.
Employee’s dog swallowed her bus pass.
My house lock jammed, and I’m locked in.
Employee was sad.
My cow bit me.
Employee was spit on by a venomous snake.
Employee was upset after watching “The Hunger Games”.
Employee had to be there for my husband’s grand jury trial.
Employee had to ship his grandmother’s bones to India.
I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.
Employee’s bus broke down and was held up by robbers.I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.
I forgot to come back to work after lunch.
I couldn’t find my shoes.
I got sick from reading too much.
I hurt myself bowling.
I totaled my wife’s jeep in a collision with a cow.
My boyfriend’s snake got loose and I’m afraid to leave the bedroom.
A hit man was looking for me.
The ghosts in my house kept me up all night.
My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.
I got lost driving and ended up in another state.
My hair is still orange from Halloween.
I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened.
My brain went to sleep and I couldn’t wake it up.
I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself.
I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back.
My cat unplugged my alarm clock.
I had to be there for my husband’s grand jury trial.
I forgot what day of the week it was.
I forgot I was getting married today.
Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.
I received a threatening phone call from the power company, so I needed to report it to the FBI.
A tree fell on my car.
My monkey died.
My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can’t get it out.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
When will all the rhetorical questions end? – George Carlin
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout. – Joan Rivers
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. – Willy Wonka
Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re probably right. – Henry Ford
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. – Bob Hope
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. – Rita Rudner
You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give – Winston Churchill
If a man hasn’t discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live. – Martin Luther King Jr.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day’s competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn’t take any more and kicked them out.
The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests….instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, “I’m sorry, but if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“When I introduce you, and I tell them who you are, I don’t think anyone will stay for dinner.”
ANSWER: Meet Joe Black! Starring Brad Pitt (Joe), Anthony Hopkins (William), and Claire Forlani
(Susan). When William must introduce Joe to his family, this is what he says.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “May those who love us, love us. And those who don’t love us — may God turn their hearts. And if
He cannot turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….   
There are five doors, one leads to the exit, the others lead to traps. They are in a line. The clues tell you
which position the doors are in the line and where the door to freedom is. All the clues are true.
Each door has a clue written on it. The clues read:
The blue door: This door is two spots away from the door to freedom.
The red door: This door is at the far right, and is two spots away from the blue door.
The purple door: This door is not next to the door to freedom.
The green door: This door is left of the blue door.
The orange door: This door is not next to the red or blue doors.
Which door leads to freedom?
ANSWER: The orange door leads to freedom.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….    
Insert one word in each pair to link the two words together. The end of the first word is the beginning of the second.
1. Rain___Tie
2. Tooth__Tale
3. Sea____Hole
4. Circuit__Yard
5. Third___Board
6. Stone__Flower
7. High___Star
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to the Tuesday, July 25, 2017.                           
Notes from the Book of Life…… 
 
Wrinkles don’t hurt.
Laughing is good exercise – it’s like jogging on the inside.
No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is won’t make you cry.
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one,
so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
Don’t cry because it is over; smile because it happened.
There’s always going to be people that hurt you, so what you have to do is keep on
trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.
Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
Don’t wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
A new report says 60 percent of teenagers don’t have even a basic knowledge of finances. Although in fairness, I’m 38 and I just found out this year that a 401(k) is NOT a type of marathon.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk claims he has gotten verbal approval to connect New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington with a high-speed train that runs in an airless tube. While the New York City subway just introduced brand-new rotary phones.” -Seth Meyers
“A new study from the University of Sussex found that horses can recognize human emotions based on our facial expressions. Yet another reason you should never play poker with a horse — and they never pitch in for the pizza.” -Stephen Colbert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.
“The day before I die, I’d like to sell every piece we’ve got just to see how much it’s all worth.”
“But you couldn’t possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it.”
“Simple… If I sell it, my wife would kill me!
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“People are going to get hurt, aren’t they?” “Wha? Naaaa! Well, I mean it’s a *possibility*,
it’s *war*, but hey, you don’t care about those people!”
ANSWER: Hercules! Starring Tate Donovan (Hercules), James Woods (Hades), and Susan Egan (Meg). Hades says this to Hercules before stripping him of his strength.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “When I introduce you, and I tell them who you are, I don’t think anyone will stay for dinner.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
“Me” belongs, “you” doesn’t.
“Doe” belongs, “deer” doesn’t.
“Sew” belongs, “knit” doesn’t.
Which of the following belong?
Ray, close, jam, tea, far, sun.
ANSWER: Ray, tea, and far belong.

The group is made up of words that sound like the musical notes, as they appear in the popular song.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    
There are five doors, one leads to the exit, the others lead to traps. They are in a line. The clues tell you which position the doors are in the line and where the door to freedom is. All the clues are true. Each door has a clue written on it. The clues read:
The blue door: This door is two spots away from the door to freedom.
The red door: This door is at the far right, and is two spots away from the blue door.
The purple door: This door is not next to the door to freedom.
The green door: This door is left of the blue door.
The orange door: This door is not next to the red or blue doors.
Which door leads to freedom?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to the Monday, July 24, 2017.                           
Here’s the story…………..  
Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody,
Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.
Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that
Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that
Nobody would do it.
So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what
Anybody could have done in the first place.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
“Police in Florida are searching for someone who stole 360,000 nickels during a
house party. Police believe the suspect is almost to the end of the street.” -Seth Meyers
“A man set a new world record after kicking himself in the head 134 times in
one minute. He broke the previous record of zero.” -Conan O’Brien
“A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours  of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, “I don’t know about this. We’ve been out here all day and  haven’t caught a single duck. Do you think we’re doing something wrong?”
“I don’t know,” replied the other. “Maybe we’re not throwing the dog high enough.”😐
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Did we hit that little boy over on 6th avenue?” “No we missed him by a good foot and a half.”
ANSWER: The Inlaws! Starring Peter Falk (Vince), Ed Begley Jr. (Barry) and Alan Arkin (Sheldon). These lines are exchanged by Vince and Sheldon on the way to Vince’s office in the taxi cab.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“People are going to get hurt, aren’t they?” “Wha? Naaaa! Well, I mean it’s a *possibility*,
it’s *war*, but hey, you don’t care about those people!”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
In Flanders fields, where once was blood,
From battles for so few yards of mud,
I woke from such slumber deep,
And mocked the blood the havoc wreaked.
But now I show our future hope,
And enable veterans to cope,
By provoking memories of blood,
Before new battlefields can flood.
What am I?
ANSWER: The poppy. The poppy became a symbol of remembrance for the victims of war. This is due to the war poem ‘In Flanders Fields’, written in 1915 by John McCrae, a Canadian military physician, (the title of which is mentioned in the first line of the teaser). Poppy seeds can lay dormant, deep in the soil for hundreds of years, but the violent shelling, on the Western Front during the First World War, would have unearthed them. This led to the blood and bodies being watched over by tall red flowers, dancing in the wind.  The artificial poppies sold today, to raise money for war veterans, were the idea of Madame Guerin, a Frenchwoman, mentioned in the title. Other colours of poppy are now sold as well as the original red, normally as a statement of peaceful

resolution to conflict. However, it is predominantly Madame Guerin’s poppy seen across much of the World and in military cemeteries.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….    
“Me” belongs, “you” doesn’t.
“Doe” belongs, “deer” doesn’t.
“Sew” belongs, “knit” doesn’t.
Which of the following belong?
Ray, close, jam, tea, far, sun.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to the weekend, July 21, 2017.                           
Jawnin’ #101…….
 
She’s so fat, she’s got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
She’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
He’s as sharp as a bowling ball.
You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!
She’s so ugly, the fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
She’s so wrinkled, her mother was a Shar Pei.
He went to the doctor complaining about all the beauty marks, but he needs all the help he can get.
Does your face hurt, because it’s killing me!
He’s a couple of terrorists short of a Jihad.
He’s so dumb, he sits on the TV and watches the sofa.
You’re so ugly, when you go into the bank they turn off the surveillance cameras.
Her driveway doesn’t go all the way to the road.
Thinks he’s a real wit. He’s half right.
In a battle of wits she’s unarmed.
The oven’s on, but nothing’s cooking.
He’s a little too tall for his blood supply.
When I think of all the people I respect the most, you’re right there, serving them drinks.
I haven’t been ignoring you; I’ve been prioritizing you.
Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
No, those pants don’t make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
Don’t look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes, you’ll know you’re dead. – Tennessee Williams
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. – Sue Murphy
We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. – Vlade Divac
There are days when it takes all you’ve got just to keep up with the losers. – Robert Orben
Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of the door. – Charleton Ogburn
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s 
called EVERYBODY, and they meet every evening down at the bar. – Drew Carey
Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish. – Charles Caleb Colton
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. – Thomas Edison
Sweat is the cologne of accomplishment. – Heywood Hale Brown
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it much more personal and sincere.😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Maybe there won’t be marriage, maybe there won’t be sex, but by God there’ll be dancing!”
ANSWER: My Best Friend’s Wedding! Starring Julia Roberts (Jules), Cameron Diaz (Kimmy),
and Rupert Everett (George). George says this to Jules at the wedding reception.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 “Did we hit that little boy over on 6th avenue?” “No we missed him by a good foot and a half.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….   
In each sentence a word is concealed, such as the word no in sentence five. If you can find the buried words and read them in order from 1 to 6, they will form a well-known proverb.
1.The word buried here has only one letter.
2.Did you find a jelly roll in Gaskin’s Bakery?
3.It’s the best one I’ve ever seen.
4.The rug at her stairway was made in India.
5.He’s an old friend.
6.Amos sold his bicycle to a friend.
ANSWER: A rolling stone gathers no moss.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….    
In Flanders fields, where once was blood,
From battles for so few yards of mud,
I woke from such slumber deep,
And mocked the blood the havoc wreaked.
But now I show our future hope,
And enable veterans to cope,
By provoking memories of blood,
Before new battlefields can flood.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, July 20, 2017.   
What Women Say (And What They Mean)
 
ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.
FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of “those” arguments.
FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
NOTHING: This means “something” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and will end with the word “Fine”.
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine”, and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over “Nothing”.
SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sigh” means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT’S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say “you’re welcome”.
THANKS A LOT: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh” as she will only tell you “Nothing”.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
“China reportedly scrubbed the images of Winnie the Pooh from social media over the weekend,
after users compared the character to their president. Though it seems like it would just be easier
to just get their president to put some pants on.” -Seth Meyers
“A new study found that people with a lot of phobias are more likely to have health problems.
Or as those people put it, ‘I was afraid of that.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“The number of shark attacks around the world increased by 25 percent. With the economy
like it is, more and more sharks are turning to crime.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks a little odd, so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.
Husband: What’s up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid.
Husband: Well, don’t you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, you saw the baby had pooped
his diaper. Then you said: Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here. So I went inside,
got a clean one and left the messy one there.😐😱😐
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“Truth is, I help horses with people problems.”
ANSWER: The Horse Whisperer! Starring Robert Redford (Tom), Kirsten Scott Thomas (Annie),
and Scarlett Johansson (Grace). When first introduced to Annie and Grace, Tom says this about his job.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Maybe there won’t be marriage, maybe there won’t be sex, but by God there’ll be dancing!”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   
In this teaser you are to try and discover the quotation concealed in the lines. The quote has
been broken up into two-letter fragments. Furthermore, I have removed any punctuation and
jumbled the two-letter fragments about so the word order has been disarranged. You have to
rearrange the quotation and decide where the words begin and where they end. Good luck!
he fo ay od if et ve pl on of mu si cb lo
ANSWER: If music be the food of love, play on.  Shakespeare, (Twelfth Night)
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….    
In each sentence a word is concealed, such as the word no in sentence five. If you can find the buried words and read them in order from 1 to 6, they will form a well-known proverb.
1.The word buried here has only one letter.
2.Did you find a jelly roll in Gaskin’s Bakery?
3.It’s the best one I’ve ever seen.
4.The rug at her stairway was made in India.
5.He’s an old friend.
6.Amos sold his bicycle to a friend.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/