Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, June 16, 2017.                      
Doctor’s Notes 101…..
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day, the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from her toes down.
While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The skin was moist and dry.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her adult life, until she got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 
DAILY QUOTES… 
When will all the rhetorical questions end? – George Carlin
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout. – Joan Rivers
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. – Willy Wonka
Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re probably right. – Henry Ford
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. – Bob Hope
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. – Rita Rudner
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. – Harry S. Truman
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money. – Groucho Marx
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. – Albert Schweitzer
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. – John Paul Getty
Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces. – Judith Viorst
It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. – Booker T. Washington
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when
he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off
his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow! That is the most
thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.”
The other man replies, “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”😐😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘If hate were people I’d be China!’
ANSWER: City Slickers! This is the most hilarious scene. He’s fighting with his wife. ‘I hate you!’ ‘I hate you more!’ 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘I never saw you throw that gentleman off the balcony. All I care about is are you happy with your haircut?’
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
Find a rhyme for each word below so you end up with a familiar three-word phrase in the form “__, __, and __”.
Example:
Clue = “Cook, Wine, Drinker”
Answer = “Hook, Line, and Sinker”
1. Shop, Swap, Dole
2. Mop, Slip, Thump
3. Mud, Wet, Smears
4. Sock, Rock, Carol
5. Claim, Debt, Scratch
6. Steady, Filling, Label
7. Warning, Soon, Flight
ANSWER: 1. Stop, Drop, and Roll  2. Hop, Skip, and Jump  3. Blood, Sweat, and Tears  4. Lock, Stock, and Barrel  5. Game, Set, and Match

6. Ready, Willing, and Able  7. Morning, Noon, and Night


 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
Logic puzzles require you to think. You will have to be logical in your reasoning.
There are five people. One of them shot and killed one of the other five. Which man is the murderer?
1. Dan ran in the NY City marathon yesterday with one of the innocent men.
2. Mike considered being a farmer before he moved to the city.
3. Jeff is a topnotch computer consultant and wants to install Ben’s new computer next week.
4. The murderer had his leg amputated last month.
5. Ben met Jack for the first time six months ago.
6. Jack has been in seclusion since the crime.
7. Dan used to drink heavily.
8. Ben and Jeff built their last computers together.
9. The murderer is Jack’s brother. They grew up together in Seattle.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. KIM HILLYARD 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙏😎
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

 

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