Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, May 30, 2017.          

Men ARE Happier 101…….
Your underwear is $8.95 (or less) for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes – one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY 
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need – but it’s on sale.
WEDDINGS 
Wedding dress $5000.
Tux rental $100.
AND that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “A group is suing Quaker Oats saying their oatmeal is not 100 percent natural. And it gets worse: The guy on the box? He’s Jewish.” -Conan O’Brien
“Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish
in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different
features. So now he just has to sit back and wait for somebody to murder his parents.” -Seth Meyers

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom” and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
“Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll take care of it.”
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was “Mom.”
“Martin,” she said, “you left your cell phone at the convenience store.”😐

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

 ‘Maybe I wanna be sterile.’
ANSWER: Empire Records! Ethan Embry’s character, Mark is prohibited from listening
to punk music in the store because A.J. (Johnny Whitworth) said it would make him sterile.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
  ‘You’re a hardship discharge if ever I saw one.’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
When Question Mark unlocked the door, he thought that he would see his wallet straight away. But Skid Mark
(Question’s brother) decided to put the wallet in a safe. The combination is three 2-digit numbers which can be expressed like this:
xx-xx-xx
You are given the following clues to work out the combination:
The total of the three numbers is 39.
The second number is half of the third number.
The first number is the third number minus 1.
Can you find Question’s wallet in time? It’s all up to you.

ANSWER: The combination is 15-08-16. Thank you for helping Question get his wallet back. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….  
A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:
1. Matthew [ ] Mason
2. Bruce [ ] Majors
3. Larry [ ] [ ] Fonda
4. Ashley [ ] [ ] Mandela
5. Rick [ ] [ ] [ ] Luther

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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