Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, May 25, 2017.     

More Punagraphy…
That girl said she met me at a Vegetarian restaurant, but I never met herbivore.
An appeals court has upheld a ban on pitbulls. That’s another victory in the war on terrier.
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all league records were unfortunately lost, so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
An Indian chief had three wives. The first wife slept on cowhide, the second wife a deerhide and the third on hippopotamus hide. The first gave birth to a baby boy, the second to a baby girl and the third had twins – a boy and a girl. Looking at what happened, the old chief declared, “The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to
the sum of the squaws on the other two hides!”
The man who survived both pepper spray and mustard gas is now well seasoned.
The sign at the rehab center said “Keep Off The Grass”.
Conjunctivitis.com is a site for sore eyes.
I was in a back alley in Fiji, fighting desperately and silently for my life, fighting desperately for oxygen, clawing at the calm and almost gentle pressure of the fabric held over my face by implacable, ebony thighs when I realized – he was killing me softly with his sarong.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, “this one is on me.”
I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.  He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked because Amazon instead sent him a rifle.
Which means somewhere a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch ‘Real Housewives.'” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a recent survey, 71 percent of men find it attractive when a woman offers to split the bill
on a date. And zero percent of women find it attractive when that offer is accepted.” -Seth Meyers
“Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over the trademark of the name ‘Kylie.’ Yeah,
the judge called the case ‘not why I went to law school.'” -Jimmy Fallon

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A rather youthful Billy Joel was fascinated when he entered the Green Room at the Tonight Show and saw a group
of matronly nuns hastily applying hair color to the noggin of the show’s next guest, Neil Young, whose agent
offered an explanation from the corner of the room: “Only the good dye Young.” 😎

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

 ‘The only reason you are here is because we are supposed to be sucking up to you!’
ANSWER: The Anniversary Party! Alan Cumming and Jennifer Jason Leigh wrote and directed a film
called ‘The Anniversary Party’ together which stars great talents like Parker Posey, Gwyneth Paltrow, and and Kevin Kline.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
  ‘I don’t gripe to you. I don’t gripe in front of you. You should know that.’
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. 
The following pairs of words can be unscrambled to make two words that go together, like “this & that.”
All pairs follow the same theme. Can you determine what they say?
DARK BOG = ______ + ______
COW MEAT = ______ + ______
ASHES SINK = ______ + ______
BRANDY YOKE = ______ + ______
ANSWER: Dog Bark  Cat Meow  Snake Hiss  Donkey Bray

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
What is the next animal in this series:

Quail, Weasel, Emu, Racoon, -?-

Choose from:
Yak
Turkey
Bumblebee
Ostrich
Tiger
Eland

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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