Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday, May 24, 2017.     

Worst Country-Western Songs….. 
Get Off the Table, Mabel (the $2 is for the Beer)
I Just Can’t Get Over How You’ve Gotten Over Me
Love Me Like My Dog Does
I Lost Freida on the Freeway
I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
How Can I Get Over You if You Won’t Get Out from Under Me?
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
I’ve Got Tears in my Ears from Lyin’ on my Back in my Bed While I Cry Over You
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife’s Heart
It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Butt Out All Day Long
I Wanna Check You for Ticks
I Slipped and Fell in Love
Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
Hair in My Eyes Like a Highland Steer
I Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?
My Give-A-Darn’s Busted
If I Had My Life to Live Over, I’d Live Over a Delicatessen
If I Were In Your Shoes, I’d Walk Right Back To Me
Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
All My Exes Live in Texas
She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy
You Don’t Have to Call Me Darlin’, Darlin’ – You Never Even Called Me By My Name
Saddle Up the Stove, Ma, I’m Riding the Range Tonight
I Thought She Was Out Jogging, But She Was Running Around On Me
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of your Heart?
If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me Not Calling You Up
All the Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
(Pardon Me) I’ve Got Someone To Kill
Peel Me a Nanner
I Don’t Care if it Rains or Freezes, As Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus (Sittin’ on the Dashboard of My Car)
I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I’d Cry All Night Long
If Love Were Oil, I’d be a Quart Low
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was Pure
I Don’t Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy
I Kissed Her on the Lips, and Left Her Behind for You
Her Body Couldn’t Keep You Off My Mind
Her Cheatin’ Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me
I Don’t Want Your Body If Your Heart’s Not In It.
I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don’t Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with A Spade
Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed
You’re A Cross I Can’t Bear
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump
How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?
If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
Laugh loudly and carry a big stick of butter. — Paula Deen
Who’s on first, belong to us. — Bud Abbott & Lou Costello
The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you never know if they are genuine. — Abraham Lincoln
When in doubt, attribute quotes to Mark Twain. — Mark Twain
We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false! — Rush Limbaugh
That’s not a quote! This is a quote! — Crocodile Dundee
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. — Thomas Edison
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you. — Albert Einstein
I’ve got a bad feeling about this. — Albert Camus
You are excluded from surf and turf night. You are excluded from ravioli night. You are excluded from chicken cutlet night. — Queen Elizabeth II
One misquote is one too many already! — Caesar Augustus

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
 “Welcome to Las Vegas, Nevada. We’d like to thank you for flying Southwest Airlines, and on behalf of the flight deck we’d also
like to extend a very special and very happy 101st Birthday to a gentleman seated near the front of the aircraft.”
*scattered applause* “So, if you happen to see the Captain on the way out, mind his walker, shake his hand, and wish him
well with another 100 years working here at Southwest Airlines.” 😐

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

  ‘In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.’
ANSWER: American Beauty! Peter Gallagher’s character, Buddy Kane, a snobby real estate agent comforts Carolyn Burnham
(Annette Bening) right before breaking up with her with a line which is more preposterous than his ideas, in the classic ‘American Beauty.’
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
 ‘The only reason you are here is because we are supposed to be sucking up to you!’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. 
There are over fifty members in my family;
Yet none quarrel. We all live merrily.
Four leaders have we, all with a bride;
Each has a son who has great pride.
We also have servants who make funny gestures;
But they are hardly used, as they often pester.
The peasants are at the bottom of the line;
Although they outnumber us, they haven’t a right mind.
What are we?

ANSWER: A Deck of Standard Playing Cards, Fifty-four cards in a standard deck. Four Kings, four Queens, and four Jacks. The servants are the Jesters.

The peasants are the number cards.

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
The following pairs of words can be unscrambled to make two words that go together, like “this & that.” All pairs follow the same theme. Can you determine what they say?
DARK BOG = ______ + ______
COW MEAT = ______ + ______
ASHES SINK = ______ + ______
BRANDY YOKE = ______ + ______

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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