Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday, May 18, 2017.  

Bad Analogies 101….
The wheel of love had left its tread marks in his chest once too often, like a knobby mud tire on a monster truck,
or like a really big ponce wheel, the kind that tailors use to punch little holes in patterns and that would leave lots
of nasty little welts if you were to run it up and down your arm.
I saw her sitting at the bar. I approached. “Hello,” she said in a voice so husky it could pull a dogsled.
Captain Burton stood at the bow of his massive sailing ship, his weathered face resembling improperly cured
leather that wouldn’t even be used to make a coat or something.
The sun rose over the horizon like a great big radioactive baby’s head with a bad sunburn, but then again it might
just have been that Lisa was always cranky this early in the morning.
Jane was toast, and not the light buttery kind, nay, she was the kind that’s been charred and blackened in the bottom of the toaster and has to be thrown a away because no matter how much of the burnt part you scrape off with a knife, there’s always more blackened toast beneath, the kind that not even starving birds in winter will eat, that kind of toast.
As Fiona slowly drew the heavy velvet curtain aside, her eyes smoldered black, deep, and dark as inside the lungs of a coal miner, although it would be black in anyone’s lungs if you could get in there because there wouldn’t be any light, even in the pink ones of people who don’t smoke.
We are all like those little pink and blue plastic people in the game of Life.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…  
“Parents at a Florida school are reportedly outraged after a video surfaced of students in a classroom twerking and giving lap dances. Or as it’s called in Florida, Career Day.” -Seth Meyers
“Yesterday, a brawl broke out at a Florida airport after Spirit Airlines canceled several flights. To restore control, airport police were forced to fire Cinnabons into the crowd.” -Conan O’Brien
“I read about a coffee shop in Toronto that doesn’t have any Wi-Fi to encourage customers to talk to each other. Although all the customers talk about now is how they should really get Wi-Fi in this coffee shop.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
God was talking to one of the angels, and said, “I’ve just created this spinning earth, which creates, in a 24 hour period,
alternating light and darkness!” The angel said, “What are you going to do now?” God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.” 😎

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.’
ANSWER: Goodfellas! The first narrated line of the film ‘Goodfellas’ quoted from Ray Liotta.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 
‘We understood that they were not girls but women in disguise.’ (1999)
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….  
One example of where you will find me,
Is many locations inside of one building.
When I’m new I’m remarkably plain,
But after first use, I’m never the same,
People clean me a lot, but I’m never like new,
The changes come off, but leave residue.
You will have seen me in your early years,
I’m definitely a tool for the eyes, not the ears,
But there is a sound that I can make,
To cause the strongest man to quake.
I feel I should give more of a clue,
But I don’t want to make it too easy for you.
I may have bored you, or enthralled,
But can you tell me what I’m called?

ANSWER: A chalkboard (or blackboard) 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
In this teaser, I have given you 4 words. Beside each word is a series of letter groupings. Your task is to find the
answer to the word on the left by choosing one letter from each of the letter groups to the right of each clue.
Example:
Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep
Answer:
Fgo evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE
Sight: vjj asi tys aai vob mnp
Spectacles: ple byn emn agw dls tar shj bsn cem sff
Artistic: aer sde gts htn mnh gej iot aiu abc
Cheat: dsf tyw aei ern oud lkk ies

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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